Martin

[Fat Bert]

Bastid

That Saveloy must have been made from Israelly meat - ya bastid























I've been up all night with the she-ites

 

[martin]

My kebab was delicioussmilie_koc

Good value too, I can still taste it this morning.

Has Wolfie dragged his arse out his pit yet.

Make us a brew fat lad

 

[Fat Bert]

No Brew

If Wilf hasn't put in an appearance yet - we'll need to get Orms the Ferret Fumbler to do a grass burnout just outside his tent

 

[martin]

Does Orms want a brew as well then.

I'll make it me'self.

What we doin for lunch???

 

[Fat Bert]

Lunch?

Does Orms want a brew as well then.

I'll make it me'self.

What we doin for lunch???

Lunch? Got to try to wake Wilf up first so we can go to the pub - he's not got lost in all that Commodore banter over on the Fazer forum has he?

I fancy a Derbyshire Ploughmans myself but not sure I can manage it after that bloody saveloy last night

Sheet through the eye of a needle I did!!

You picking us up in ya "executive" company car then?

Shall we have a brew whilst we're waiting?

No sugar in mine please as I am back on the diet

 

[martin]

Ploughmans it is then.

Forget the tea, go and get us a pint of Marstons, oh and you'd better get Wolfie a Guiness.

Do you want a brown or white cob with ya lunch. Im gonna have one of them bite ya back pickle onion's, take away the taste of that kebab:yo:

 

[Fat Bert]

Can't

Can't have any bread roll mate - ya forgot I'm on a diet

But I will have one of those pickled onions - the acid might help digest that bastid saveloy sausage

Nice bit of real genuine Mansfield Processed Cheddar and a dollop of "catering spread" - you know the cheapo stuff like Cyclops uses on his sandwiches he sells

You can have ya Martsons and Wilting-Wilf can have his Guinness - but if he doesn't show then you'll have to drink it rather than wasting it

And - you know what happens in Asda when you've had 2 pints....... !!

I'll have diet tonic water with ice please

 

[martin]

Them pickled onions are repeating on me.

Have you hidden my tabs again???

 

[Fat Bert]

Youre a twat

Got you a "Peddi" in - you bugger off !

Where's my lunch FFS

Some mate you are!

Wilfs still not appeared - reckon he might have damaged his throat with all that singing last night ?

Anyway - it's your round - diet tonic water with ice

 

[martin]

Im doing fook all untill I find me tabs.

Anyrode tonic water is a womans drink.......... hang on , you are a bit of a queen. Want a slice with that

 

[Fat Bert]

Yep

thats a stupid question

Don't get all tetchy just because you've lost ya tabs

Smoking is for weak minded junkies

Of course a want a little slice of lemon in it

and make sure that ice is fresh - don't want any of that frozen crap

Bars over there so get a move on - slacker

and no more feckin pickled onions - ya breath stinks

 

[Fat Bert]

Whats the holdup then Martin?

Waiting for fresh ice to freeze? :bang:

Stupid boy!

Anyway - it's Happy Hour now - I don't fit in LOL

So I'll sit in the corner with my luke warm diet tonic water - bastid

Best watch out though cos that BOF Sliver-27mm-Fox has logged in

 

[martin]

Sorry chap, there ya go.

Got talking to the chef, cos he had some tabs. Anyrode turns out he pickles his own onions. Secret receipe.

Anyway got some tabs out the machine, nicotine levels have now been restored.

What we doin for tea??? Or do you have to get off home??

 

[martin]

You fell asleep in that corner.

Last time I get you a leaded tonic water. Light weight.

 

[Fat Bert]

Yeah

Poisioned by the ice - told you it wasn't fresh!

Been out on the lashoooo

Just 1/2 gallon tonite

 

[martin]

Do you want sauce on this bacon sarnie???

 

[mick the knife]

Do you want sauce on this bacon sarnie???

That is the 12th commandment
"thy shall have the Godly brown sause on thy butty"
the 11th commandment was
"thy shall have no fun in marriage"
Both of these commandments were destroyed on the trip down from the mount as they were redeemed to be too controversial.

 

[Fat Bert]

Wash Thou Mouth Out

Wash Thou Mouth Out Youths!

How can you have the words "Marriage" and "Fun" in the same sentence

Almost as ridiculous as "Kelly" and "Interesting"

Or "Sloppy Fox" and "Speed"

or "Wakefield" and "Successful Auto Wiring"

or "Lump Meister" and "subtle"

or "MTK" and "Buying a Round"

There's load of them

Tomato Ketchup please - and amke sure the bacon's crispy - don't like soft fat - cue abuse!

 

[mick the knife]

and "Fat Bert" and "anything stronger than Tonic Water"

 

[martin]

Its one thing Wolfie getting in on this thread, but it is totaly wrong a bog dweller posting on it. Go and get your own.

Tea or coffee Bertie??