Martin

[Fat Bert]

Drink

Suppose it's too early for a tonic water?

Best have tea then

Thanks for that bacon butty - top job - strange taste of onion though???

 

[martin]

Have you got me lighter

 

[Fat Bert]

No Sir

Have you get my wallet?

Told ya - Smerkin Tabs is for Wimps

Has that ice frozen yet?

 

[martin]

Want a fight.

In a right old mood

 

[Fat Bert]

Yep

In a right mood

Fecking kids irritating me about can't get "wireless" on laptop - fecking life and death that they download this and email the mates they only saw 10 minutes ago

So.......... Tweak the wireless settings so that they are sorted

Waht fooking happens is MY system goes down the "swannie" - 4 hours and we still canna fix it - so having to resort to kids laptop to access the web

None of my work application on here though - all fooking Boom Titty Boom Rap music and bollox like that

Kids............. GRRRRR

Still could have been worse - they could have had a dad who's a preMadonna called Derek :wank:

 

[martin]

So is that a yes to a scrap then???

 

[Fat Bert]

Yeah

When you're big enough Fattie













Asda - Rolling back the chins

 

[martin]

Thats not a nice thing to say to your son in law.

Anyrode im ordering a chinese, what you having.

 

[Fat Bert]

LOL

Pickled Onion [secret recipe] Pot Noodle Chow Mein

and some of those Clabs Craws

But I don't want Sweet and Sour Chicken - had last last week - chicken [if it was indeed chicken] was tough and chewy

Took it back and said "Oi that chicken was rubbery"

Old Slanty Eyes behind the counter said "Fank you velly much"

 

[martin]

Proper feed that was.

Off to fookin work today,

Run out of tabs, the dogs are mis behaving and me salt and pepper prawns are repeating on me.

And I have had to try and find the kitchen, cos her indoors is still in bed.

Do you know how to work this kettle thinggy?????????

 

[Fat Bert]

Yep

...
Do you know how to work this kettle thinggy?????????

Yep - you put a small amount of water in the little hole

Set the dial to "Cotton"

Sit back and wait for the steam to hiss out [yes - HISS out] all those little holes

Press on top of tea bag [preferably new one] until flat

Pop into cup - add cold water

Place in microwave for 3 minutes

You do KNOW what a microwave is dontcha?

 

[martin]

I see what you've done with the HISS thing there, good one.

Is the microwave the place where we keep the food???

Good news is, now in work and fully tabbed up. Had to buy a new lighter tho.

That Wolfie has a lot to answer for.

What we doin for lunch

 

[Fat Bert]

Lunch?

Only if it's a non-smoking one

Where were you thinking ? Frank Bruno's Restaurant? LOL



and no I aint got ya fooking lighter:wank:


But I know who has..... Wolfie

Here's the proof

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZyLGi0DfEw

 

[Fat Bert]

Oi Martin

Think we're being stalked by some ladyparts from Sheffield with a welsh accent and a pechant for mint sauce
















































You been breathing "Onion Breath" up in Yorkshire Pudding Land?

So if you might get an unexpected slap in Asda Orchard Square Shopping Centre by some bloke talking welsh loverly boyyo -it aint Stan!

Mind you - you'll easily recognise Stan - he's the one with the Melon Bacardi Breezer and the constant dribble of verbal dihore..diahoree....diohorreea...
verbal shits!

 

[martin]

Ay up, called in for a pint on me way home, and that chef gave me the receipe for pickleing me own onions.

Only problem is he said summat about cooking and kitchens. Thats me fooked then.

Just been to asda, and no scrappin. Dull end to the daybl4hbl4h

And that feckin tree hugger can keep me lighter, wont be able to look at another zippo again

Fancy a pint later????

 

[martin]

Fer fecks sake, keep up will ya.

Do you want crisps or scratchings

 

[Fat Bert]

yeah yeah yeah

Whilst you were "grooming" round ASDA I was in the boozer - got you a pint in but you didn't show so I drank it myself..........

God Those PissHead Shandies are real Chav Fuel - would have suited you

Anway - "Zippo" - what we doing "the neet" ?

Eating, Supping or out on the Pull?

Last time we went on out the pull I wasn't overly impressed with the lass you got off with - although - fair play class bint - 25 pints of Guinness and she was still standing!!

And here she is................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLSnZjLPor8

 

[Fat Bert]

Strange smell

Strange smell in here........

Bit like a mixture of sweaty armpits and pickled onion

Owt to do with you?

 

[martin]

Will you put that feckin camera away.

Anyrode, get me a pint of marstons will ya.

Im off for a piss.

No I dont need filming. Gonna start calling you slobbo2

 

[Fat Bert]

Well I'm not gonna film you having a piss

bad enough going to that Chinky "Golden Sunshine"

without having to go "Golden Showers" FFS

Tried a few of those Power Shandies tonight

You should try them Martin - don't half give you "gas" though - can I borrow ya Zippo a minute? LOL

They're quiet good but I aint sure what I'm going to do with all these nail polishes - you get a free one with every drink

Bet old Twinkle Toes from Sheffield could use them though - shall we save them up for him?