undefinedbut they think they have all the answersB1rdie said:
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Punchy
Registered User
My two pennyworth Sam.
18 years is a huge gap, not now but when he is 70 (and an old man) you are going to be 52 and still young at heart. Centaur said ...he is a trusted friend and would probably be mortified if he knew how you felt..... he may well be but he may also be very flatered that someone so young fancied him I know I would be. Just remember men have enough blood to drive either their sexual urges or their brain but not both at the same time ......we are made differently!!!! despite all the shite written about sexual equality.
My advice is to treat this guy as a friend, do not put him in a position where you will make a bollox of your dads trust in him.
From behind my 56 year old eyes I still see what I saw from behind my 18 year old eyes its just that now I am not capable of fulfilling my daydreams. Just remember I'm not a dirty old man I'm an old man dreaming.. full stop.
Good luck Roy
18 years is a huge gap, not now but when he is 70 (and an old man) you are going to be 52 and still young at heart. Centaur said ...he is a trusted friend and would probably be mortified if he knew how you felt..... he may well be but he may also be very flatered that someone so young fancied him I know I would be. Just remember men have enough blood to drive either their sexual urges or their brain but not both at the same time ......we are made differently!!!! despite all the shite written about sexual equality.
My advice is to treat this guy as a friend, do not put him in a position where you will make a bollox of your dads trust in him.
From behind my 56 year old eyes I still see what I saw from behind my 18 year old eyes its just that now I am not capable of fulfilling my daydreams. Just remember I'm not a dirty old man I'm an old man dreaming.. full stop.
Good luck Roy
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BlackBirdBaz
Guest
How then can you make judgements for the future without past experiences ?B1rdie said:
Correct me if I am wrong but I expect most of us make decisions on a daily basis based on past experiences and if we dont have the previous knowledge or experience of an issue or situation then dont we tend to ask something of those that might like to advise us ?
I think the Past does equal the future.
Baz.
Hornblower
Registered Users
I find it sad that so many of you are jumping on a band wagon, that of the age gap. If two people are happy together WTF is the age gap going to do. If two people work together as a couple, again WTF is wrong with the age gap. The age gap problem is only in the perception of others looking in on the relationship.
The problem facing any couple ( even without a big age gap ) is going to be getting acceptance by the people round you. Just look at the problems that couples from different race backgrounds have had in the past . I know the age problem from bitter experience because the stick I got when toots and I got together was a pain in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!! However as time has passed and the age range has changed from 18--40 to 28--50 people accept it!!!!
Sarah and I were friends for a long time before we got together, some of her friends thought there was something going on between us when she was 16, when there wasn't and although I thought she was drop dead georgeous (still do) we were just friends. Now we have been together for quite a while I love her just as much today as the first day we got together, the age gap never seems to come into things Sarah is much older than me and always will be but then I dont think I will ever grow up.
Every one is jumping the gun a bit though because there is no relationship yet Bikerbaby hasnt talked to the chap and she has no idea just what his reaction will be.
It could be that he runs off into the distance never to be seen again, or possiblely sweeps her off her feet and they have a wonderful romance.
What ever you decide to do Bikerbaby think hard, take it slowly (so those around you have time to adjust)dont forget that an older bloke can break your heart just as badly as a younger one, except that he will probably be more gentle about it and then when you are 18 no fecker can do anything about it anyway. Good luck. :k
:beer: Invite me and toots to the engagement party or whatever you have if it goes that far if not, have fun be happy and move on .:beer:
The problem facing any couple ( even without a big age gap ) is going to be getting acceptance by the people round you. Just look at the problems that couples from different race backgrounds have had in the past . I know the age problem from bitter experience because the stick I got when toots and I got together was a pain in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!! However as time has passed and the age range has changed from 18--40 to 28--50 people accept it!!!!
Sarah and I were friends for a long time before we got together, some of her friends thought there was something going on between us when she was 16, when there wasn't and although I thought she was drop dead georgeous (still do) we were just friends. Now we have been together for quite a while I love her just as much today as the first day we got together, the age gap never seems to come into things Sarah is much older than me and always will be but then I dont think I will ever grow up.
Every one is jumping the gun a bit though because there is no relationship yet Bikerbaby hasnt talked to the chap and she has no idea just what his reaction will be.
It could be that he runs off into the distance never to be seen again, or possiblely sweeps her off her feet and they have a wonderful romance.
What ever you decide to do Bikerbaby think hard, take it slowly (so those around you have time to adjust)dont forget that an older bloke can break your heart just as badly as a younger one, except that he will probably be more gentle about it and then when you are 18 no fecker can do anything about it anyway. Good luck. :k
:beer: Invite me and toots to the engagement party or whatever you have if it goes that far if not, have fun be happy and move on .:beer:
S
Smoothandquick
Guest
Nice one HB......
Well said Andy - exactly the point I made in my post on page 1.....spot on....:bow:
Until she talks to him how can any of us here predict what he might say or do ?
Well said Andy - exactly the point I made in my post on page 1.....spot on....:bow:
Until she talks to him how can any of us here predict what he might say or do ?
Sorry HB, I am glad it has worked out in your case, but look at it from another angle, in ten years time BB may want children, at which point this feller is going to be 44, and now I am talking from experience as my father was 48 when I was born and although he lived to 91, we were never close, and as I was the youngest of four lads, I always felt that I missed out on things.
At 16 people are still developing their own characters, and have enough problems without having to deal with the added stress of a much older person relationship.
At 16 people are still developing their own characters, and have enough problems without having to deal with the added stress of a much older person relationship.
[QUOTE
Quote:
Originally Posted by B1rdie
That would be correct in your case.You have never met me, yet you think you are qualified to describe my persona
I only debate with people intelligent enough to see all sides of the discussion when they offer abuse etc I reply in a way they can understand and end the discussion there.You are the one offering abuse, a young girl has asked for advice and because you don't agree with the advice given you call it crap
I assume that your reference to Psychologists indicates you would have a job that needs them, Incorrect, I work in the prison service, and although we have psychologists, whether we actually need them is highly debateabletherefore that is the stock trained response, it also ensures that you continue to debate with them because if you dont speak they have nothing to listen too, then there job would be useless!I tend to have as little as possible to do with the Psychologists at work, well meaning they may be but generally they are very naive, and yes in my opinion their job is useless They also just listen and very rearly if ever offer cures to problems but now we are getting into another whole different ballgame.
undefinedbut they think they have all the answers[/QUOTE]
Yes Derek
I can describe your personality to a large degree You live in fear everyday of your life, you have a higher than is healthy need fir significance hence this post.......................
Still permanent nights until October then it's back to being,
Doorman
postman
welfare worker
childminder (some of the muppets we have are just like kids)
mediator
investigator
counsellor
Drug worker
supervisor
advisor
tactician
negotiator
__________________
At the end of the game the king and the pawn go in the same box
The worst thief is the one who steals a childs innocence
Just cos I don't think the same as you doesn't mean I am mad.
Furthermore you work in an enviroment that dictates you be a real man and a lot of your peers may seek your fear based advice, therefore for you to been seen to talk or need counselling from a psychologist or psychiatrist would be seen as both a weakness and failure, damaging your percieved significance.
You also use the word persona when I believe you meant personality again further proof of your need for significance and fear based advice.
Your point an not seeing your point and agreeing with it is because you advise from a position of fear. My advice is to seek information not give biased belief limiting advice.
With regard to again your fear based judgementd that Psychologists are naive is due to you seeing yourself as the one with all the answers. For someone else to actually be a little wiser than you scares you so you keep as far away as possible and again advise others to do the same.
No Derek it is you that thinks you have all the answers sadly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by B1rdie
That would be correct in your case.You have never met me, yet you think you are qualified to describe my persona
I only debate with people intelligent enough to see all sides of the discussion when they offer abuse etc I reply in a way they can understand and end the discussion there.You are the one offering abuse, a young girl has asked for advice and because you don't agree with the advice given you call it crap
I assume that your reference to Psychologists indicates you would have a job that needs them, Incorrect, I work in the prison service, and although we have psychologists, whether we actually need them is highly debateabletherefore that is the stock trained response, it also ensures that you continue to debate with them because if you dont speak they have nothing to listen too, then there job would be useless!I tend to have as little as possible to do with the Psychologists at work, well meaning they may be but generally they are very naive, and yes in my opinion their job is useless They also just listen and very rearly if ever offer cures to problems but now we are getting into another whole different ballgame.
undefinedbut they think they have all the answers[/QUOTE]
Yes Derek
I can describe your personality to a large degree You live in fear everyday of your life, you have a higher than is healthy need fir significance hence this post.......................
Still permanent nights until October then it's back to being,
Doorman
postman
welfare worker
childminder (some of the muppets we have are just like kids)
mediator
investigator
counsellor
Drug worker
supervisor
advisor
tactician
negotiator
__________________
At the end of the game the king and the pawn go in the same box
The worst thief is the one who steals a childs innocence
Just cos I don't think the same as you doesn't mean I am mad.
Furthermore you work in an enviroment that dictates you be a real man and a lot of your peers may seek your fear based advice, therefore for you to been seen to talk or need counselling from a psychologist or psychiatrist would be seen as both a weakness and failure, damaging your percieved significance.
You also use the word persona when I believe you meant personality again further proof of your need for significance and fear based advice.
Your point an not seeing your point and agreeing with it is because you advise from a position of fear. My advice is to seek information not give biased belief limiting advice.
With regard to again your fear based judgementd that Psychologists are naive is due to you seeing yourself as the one with all the answers. For someone else to actually be a little wiser than you scares you so you keep as far away as possible and again advise others to do the same.
No Derek it is you that thinks you have all the answers sadly.
BlackBirdBaz said:
We all make judgements to some degree based on past experiences that is life.
Life should not be lived based on the past if you do you would never take a risk after you fell off your push bike the first time when you were learning to ride it!
If you get hurt in a relationship do you never have another one!
If we fail at something or something goes wrong it does not mean we will fail at the next attempt does it?
If the past equals the future we would still be in caves.
Birdie
Your response could only come from a psychologist,
Live in fear, yes I fear for the lack of morals instilled in the youth of today by pc minded supposedly grown ups.
Wake up Birdie the world is not rose tinted and smelling of lavender, it can be a harsh cruel place.
Just out of interest, why did you become a psychologist? my brother (who is head of the medical dept at Leeds university) has a theory that the only people who become psychologists are the ones who are not clever enough to become Doctors or Lawyers but like a lot of psychologists my brother is opinionated and up his own arse.
If I thought I had all the answers then we would not be discussing this subject any further, but any advice that I give is based on common sense.
I will look forward to meeting you one day Birdie, just to show you how wrong you are in your assessment of me.
Your response could only come from a psychologist,
Live in fear, yes I fear for the lack of morals instilled in the youth of today by pc minded supposedly grown ups.
Wake up Birdie the world is not rose tinted and smelling of lavender, it can be a harsh cruel place.
Just out of interest, why did you become a psychologist? my brother (who is head of the medical dept at Leeds university) has a theory that the only people who become psychologists are the ones who are not clever enough to become Doctors or Lawyers but like a lot of psychologists my brother is opinionated and up his own arse.
If I thought I had all the answers then we would not be discussing this subject any further, but any advice that I give is based on common sense.
I will look forward to meeting you one day Birdie, just to show you how wrong you are in your assessment of me.
B
BlackBirdBaz
Guest
Birdie,
I am not sure whether I am alone in my humble opinion here but why do all your answers sound like they have come from a text book ?
I am afraid that my opinion of psychologists, psychiatrists etc is a low one. I dont know what field you actually work in but as the same as derek I am also in the Prison Service with 18 years experience and cant for the life of me see what purpose you actually serve within prisons ( maybe this should be another thread) It certainly isnt to reduce the reoffending rate.
Give us a clue, what do you actually do ?
Try to answer without coming over as too arrogant
Baz.
I am not sure whether I am alone in my humble opinion here but why do all your answers sound like they have come from a text book ?
I am afraid that my opinion of psychologists, psychiatrists etc is a low one. I dont know what field you actually work in but as the same as derek I am also in the Prison Service with 18 years experience and cant for the life of me see what purpose you actually serve within prisons ( maybe this should be another thread) It certainly isnt to reduce the reoffending rate.
Give us a clue, what do you actually do ?
Try to answer without coming over as too arrogant
Baz.
B
BlackBirdBaz
Guest
To follow up on my previous posts I am sure Birdie you are just having a good laff at our expense thinking that you are winding us up into an arguement, afterall what is it your profile says ?
Biography:
Loves a good argument can't get one on here
Location:
Notts
Interests:
Loves a good argument
Occupation:
Semi Retired Schizophrenic Psychopath
Says it all really, except you missed off 'wind up merchant'
Very Clever :bow:
Baz
Biography:
Loves a good argument can't get one on here
Location:
Notts
Interests:
Loves a good argument
Occupation:
Semi Retired Schizophrenic Psychopath
Says it all really, except you missed off 'wind up merchant'
Very Clever :bow:
Baz
BlackBirdBaz said:
Well I am not a clinical Psychologist, I am pretty sure that the ones in Prisons are. my answers may seem like they come from a text book because you are reading them!
I work with anyone who needs help Phobia's, attempted suicides, life coaching, Professional golfers and WSB riders etc etc.
I have no Clinical or degree based training (no preprogramming) hence I also have a low opinion of clinical Psychologists and Psychiatrists as they just listen or prescribe drugs. that is a generalisation and I apologise to any reading this that effect cures and resolve peoples problems.
Sadly again it seems that you guys need the help more than the inmates, as you perception of everyone is not good and this taintes your perception of life and of peoples motives in life, having said that I am very bad at doing that myself so you so I have personal problems but they do not effect my work or the help I give others, why pass your fears on to others as you guys in the PS seem to do.
I hope that does not seem to arrogant, But I was not the one telling people that they should not have a relationship with older or younger people.
That was pure arrogance.
Hornblower
Registered Users
Derek I am sorry mate that you had a hard time as a kid so did I. I had an old mum who acted young, was kind loving full of fun and the best mum in the world who I loved to bits till the day she died (and always will) and a young dad who is and was an old nasty bullying bast**d!!!!!!!!
This is the problem just because you have seen a lot of years does not mean that you have to stop seeing the wonder and fun in everything around you. Perhaps your dad could have learnt from you and tried to be a child again by looking at the world with a childs eyes.
I work with children every day in my job, also toots and I have a little boy who is just coming up to four. I find looking at things and being open like they are keeps me young.
As for your comment about being 16 and still developing a character, so what if they are. To grow it will keep developing for ever. Perhaps this is why your dad and mine were as they were. They had stopped moving on and developing. I would look at your self and take stock you are starting to sound like your dad.
Also why is everybody having a go at Birdie I must admit in the past he has pissed me off with some of his posts and has always struck me as a bit of a prat but as far as i can see everything he has said so far has been quite reasonable and fair. He is offering his opinion as it was asked for by Bikerbaby.
Now all that seems to be happening is we are all having a pop at each other and slagging everybody off. I thought we were meant to be trying to help Bikerbaby and give her some support when she is feeling confused, upset and probably scared shitless by what she knows she will have to do. When sarah came to me she had to go through the same thing and she admitted later that she was scared too. Its hard enough bareing your soul to someone else but as many of you lot have shown the predudices for age gap relationships is massive.
Go for it Bikerbaby be brave and if it is what you really want go talk to this bloke. Its your life not a rehearsal you have only one chance at most things so take it whilst its still there. :k
This is the problem just because you have seen a lot of years does not mean that you have to stop seeing the wonder and fun in everything around you. Perhaps your dad could have learnt from you and tried to be a child again by looking at the world with a childs eyes.
I work with children every day in my job, also toots and I have a little boy who is just coming up to four. I find looking at things and being open like they are keeps me young.
As for your comment about being 16 and still developing a character, so what if they are. To grow it will keep developing for ever. Perhaps this is why your dad and mine were as they were. They had stopped moving on and developing. I would look at your self and take stock you are starting to sound like your dad.
Also why is everybody having a go at Birdie I must admit in the past he has pissed me off with some of his posts and has always struck me as a bit of a prat but as far as i can see everything he has said so far has been quite reasonable and fair. He is offering his opinion as it was asked for by Bikerbaby.
Now all that seems to be happening is we are all having a pop at each other and slagging everybody off. I thought we were meant to be trying to help Bikerbaby and give her some support when she is feeling confused, upset and probably scared shitless by what she knows she will have to do. When sarah came to me she had to go through the same thing and she admitted later that she was scared too. Its hard enough bareing your soul to someone else but as many of you lot have shown the predudices for age gap relationships is massive.
Go for it Bikerbaby be brave and if it is what you really want go talk to this bloke. Its your life not a rehearsal you have only one chance at most things so take it whilst its still there. :k
S
Smoothandquick
Guest
Amen HB
nuff said.....have you thought of replacing the wise man on the orange adverts now he's jumped ship ? :dunno:
nuff said.....have you thought of replacing the wise man on the orange adverts now he's jumped ship ? :dunno:
Hornblower
Registered Users
No problem B1rdie I am starting to change my mind but then I probably need counceling! LOL :bow:B1rdie said:
Birdie
believe it or not you and I are not so different, a part of my profession (A path that I chose to follow) is suicide prevention and anti bullying, also Drug councelling.
Maybe I am looking at it from a different perspective to you as the natural defenses of a Father of two girls springs to the fore. but believe me it has very little to do with my profession, and a lot to do with the realities of life
there are more Paedophiles roaming the streets than there are locked up in prison, Fact. 12 years ago there was an 80 year old Paedophile after my daughter who was only 13 at the time, and the police could not do anything about him.
BB has sought advice on this forum and I have given her advice that has stood my daughters in good stead, if she chooses to take on board that advice fine, if she doesn't that is also fine it is her life, she knows the guy better than I do and he may be genuine, but there is absolutely nothing wrong in being suspicious of a man of 34 being interested in a relationship with a 16 year old girl.
Hornblower, I am glad things worked out for you and Toots, and there are always exceptions to the rule. I don't know the figures but I am sure that statistically a situation like yours would end in tears more often than not.
Please don't think I am being arrogant or condescending as that is not my intention, but as I stated BB asked for advice and I have given advice that I would give to my own daughters.
good luck to both you and toots and hope you have many more years of happiness.
believe it or not you and I are not so different, a part of my profession (A path that I chose to follow) is suicide prevention and anti bullying, also Drug councelling.
Maybe I am looking at it from a different perspective to you as the natural defenses of a Father of two girls springs to the fore. but believe me it has very little to do with my profession, and a lot to do with the realities of life
there are more Paedophiles roaming the streets than there are locked up in prison, Fact. 12 years ago there was an 80 year old Paedophile after my daughter who was only 13 at the time, and the police could not do anything about him.
BB has sought advice on this forum and I have given her advice that has stood my daughters in good stead, if she chooses to take on board that advice fine, if she doesn't that is also fine it is her life, she knows the guy better than I do and he may be genuine, but there is absolutely nothing wrong in being suspicious of a man of 34 being interested in a relationship with a 16 year old girl.
Hornblower, I am glad things worked out for you and Toots, and there are always exceptions to the rule. I don't know the figures but I am sure that statistically a situation like yours would end in tears more often than not.
Please don't think I am being arrogant or condescending as that is not my intention, but as I stated BB asked for advice and I have given advice that I would give to my own daughters.
good luck to both you and toots and hope you have many more years of happiness.