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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Cyclops
Registered User
Sunday night Update:
Bloody hell I was woken from my hard earned slumbers by the fire engines finally leaving McDonalds so lifted the lid on my nice cosy bin to see they had cleaned the mess up were still open.
As I fancied a cup of coffee I thought I would pop over and get one before they close at 23:00 that?s 11.00pm for Fat Bert.
So I climbed out of my bin hobbled over to the counter and ordered a cup of nice hot coffee politely declining the assistants offer of did I want fries with it? I was on the way out when I spotted the toilets, might as well nip in and have a piss. Well has anyone else noticed that McDonalds urinals are very high up? I?m 6` 2? and still had to stand on tip toe to pop me old man over the rim. :h
But boy are they posh when I had me pee they then dumped soap over me Willy, than hot water and after that they blow-dry it for you.
Bloody yanks think of everything.
Ha, but their not so smart after all, because could I fook find anywhere to wash my hands afterwards. :blush:
Well goodnight all and pleasant dreams.
Best regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:
Bloody hell I was woken from my hard earned slumbers by the fire engines finally leaving McDonalds so lifted the lid on my nice cosy bin to see they had cleaned the mess up were still open.
As I fancied a cup of coffee I thought I would pop over and get one before they close at 23:00 that?s 11.00pm for Fat Bert.
So I climbed out of my bin hobbled over to the counter and ordered a cup of nice hot coffee politely declining the assistants offer of did I want fries with it? I was on the way out when I spotted the toilets, might as well nip in and have a piss. Well has anyone else noticed that McDonalds urinals are very high up? I?m 6` 2? and still had to stand on tip toe to pop me old man over the rim. :h
But boy are they posh when I had me pee they then dumped soap over me Willy, than hot water and after that they blow-dry it for you.
Bloody yanks think of everything.
Ha, but their not so smart after all, because could I fook find anywhere to wash my hands afterwards. :blush:
Well goodnight all and pleasant dreams.
Best regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:
R
R2B2
Guest
Re: Do they cook
Yeah, I reckon they would... in time. You could do with a few of these when ya get there mate... :}
Yeah, I reckon they would... in time. You could do with a few of these when ya get there mate... :}
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
FOOD at MATLOCK friday
NO FOOD WILL BE SERVED AT MATLOCK by the owners of the hostelry, however, they WILL BE giving us exclusive use of the balcony area,:bow:
{NO balcony jumping allowed though}
WILL ALL PEOPLE ordering SAUSAGES :bow: from ROB please PM your requirements to HIM ASAP, and make sure you include an alternative, '' if your first choise'' is unavailable,
I will point out, that ROB is taking these Sausage orders with absolutely NO profit to himself,
they are brought to these meetings, Entirely out of the ''goodness'' of his heart,
If you want ''cheap sausages'' go to kwick save,
please dont embarrass yourselves by whinging about the price,
you ARE getting QUALITY sausages, :bow:
NO FOOD WILL BE SERVED AT MATLOCK by the owners of the hostelry, however, they WILL BE giving us exclusive use of the balcony area,:bow:
{NO balcony jumping allowed though}
WILL ALL PEOPLE ordering SAUSAGES :bow: from ROB please PM your requirements to HIM ASAP, and make sure you include an alternative, '' if your first choise'' is unavailable,
I will point out, that ROB is taking these Sausage orders with absolutely NO profit to himself,
they are brought to these meetings, Entirely out of the ''goodness'' of his heart,
If you want ''cheap sausages'' go to kwick save,
please dont embarrass yourselves by whinging about the price,
you ARE getting QUALITY sausages, :bow:
Supabird1100
Registered User
All This Talk................
Of sausages is not good !!!!! It could have a detrimental affect on our brave World Rider as it will remind him of home and all the comforts he is currently missing. His mind must not be focused on anything other than the task in hand......getting to Matlock for the 12th March !!!!!
So....a new GPS cod-piece has been obtained and despatched by our usual courier (Motto: We'll get the fooker there)....together with the days directions. Sadly....we had to get a different size as the model you had before was out of stock......so you may find a bit of extra room in this one, Cyclops. But I told the suppliers "Our man has got big ba**s....... to undertake this mega journey he must have ba**s the size of oranges" !!!! They explained this is probably due to having to push the heavy Suzuki around every corner that you encounter....but I dismissed this theory as pure speculation. Let me know if the fit is OK for you....the suppliers will exchange it for a smaller size if need be, but only if it's not stained in any way. (better visit the McDonalds knob-wash again before you try it for size)
I await a further update as the day progresses.
Ride on Cyclops......we're all rooting for you !!!!!!
Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors of Cyclops
Of sausages is not good !!!!! It could have a detrimental affect on our brave World Rider as it will remind him of home and all the comforts he is currently missing. His mind must not be focused on anything other than the task in hand......getting to Matlock for the 12th March !!!!!
So....a new GPS cod-piece has been obtained and despatched by our usual courier (Motto: We'll get the fooker there)....together with the days directions. Sadly....we had to get a different size as the model you had before was out of stock......so you may find a bit of extra room in this one, Cyclops. But I told the suppliers "Our man has got big ba**s....... to undertake this mega journey he must have ba**s the size of oranges" !!!! They explained this is probably due to having to push the heavy Suzuki around every corner that you encounter....but I dismissed this theory as pure speculation. Let me know if the fit is OK for you....the suppliers will exchange it for a smaller size if need be, but only if it's not stained in any way. (better visit the McDonalds knob-wash again before you try it for size)
I await a further update as the day progresses.
Ride on Cyclops......we're all rooting for you !!!!!!
Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors of Cyclops
F
fat bert
Guest
T
trophychap
Guest
Severe weather warning
The BBC weather forcasters warned this morning of the possibility of snow on Thursday and Friday of this week. the last time it snowed in the area the Snake Pass was blocked for several days. Hopefully our hero will be further south than the Snake by then (No Bert not the trouser snake).
God speed cyclops our thoughts and prayers are with you for a safe arrival at your final destination.
The BBC weather forcasters warned this morning of the possibility of snow on Thursday and Friday of this week. the last time it snowed in the area the Snake Pass was blocked for several days. Hopefully our hero will be further south than the Snake by then (No Bert not the trouser snake).
God speed cyclops our thoughts and prayers are with you for a safe arrival at your final destination.
gypsy
MAN on the PAN
** LATEST NEWS**
A local reporter from the Derby Evening Telegraph ( our motto "dont know why be bother, it's shite here " ) has contacted us with regards to our intrepid traveller being seen going into
" BUBBLES HEALTH SPA"
This establishment has an unsavory ( unlike Rob p xx's sausages ! get your orders in now) reputation and i fear for Cyclops welfare .
As i am unavailable this evening i may have to call on a vollunteer who would be willing to enter this building undercover
( please put your name forward on this site ! and of course all monies spent on services in order to get any information will be reimbursed ) in the hope of rescuing CYCLOPS from himself !
A local reporter from the Derby Evening Telegraph ( our motto "dont know why be bother, it's shite here " ) has contacted us with regards to our intrepid traveller being seen going into
" BUBBLES HEALTH SPA"
This establishment has an unsavory ( unlike Rob p xx's sausages ! get your orders in now) reputation and i fear for Cyclops welfare .
As i am unavailable this evening i may have to call on a vollunteer who would be willing to enter this building undercover
( please put your name forward on this site ! and of course all monies spent on services in order to get any information will be reimbursed ) in the hope of rescuing CYCLOPS from himself !
Supabird1100
Registered User
No !!!!...Surely Not Cyclops !!!!!..........
I find this hard to believe Gypsy.....are you sure it's not a case of mistaken identity ???? Our man is hell-bent on acheiving his goal of making Matlock by Friday....he wouldn't be wasting valuable riding hours in a house of ill-repute......would he ?????:dunno:
Could it be that he just popped in to watch the telly and confirm Trophychap's serious weather warning???? Or...maybe looking for some soothing cream to put on his todger after the McDonalds knob-wash incident earlier today ??? (I understand the thermostat was faulty on the water heater.....near-boiling water all over his family jewels......not pleasant !!!!)
But....as a leading sponsor of our man Cyclops...I feel I must put myself forward to enter this den of ill-repute and offer what help I can to the World Rider. Am I right in thinking this is the Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage) ???? If so, I know the address !!!!!
Steve (Maps-R-Us) Still firmly behind Cyclops !!!!!
I find this hard to believe Gypsy.....are you sure it's not a case of mistaken identity ???? Our man is hell-bent on acheiving his goal of making Matlock by Friday....he wouldn't be wasting valuable riding hours in a house of ill-repute......would he ?????:dunno:
Could it be that he just popped in to watch the telly and confirm Trophychap's serious weather warning???? Or...maybe looking for some soothing cream to put on his todger after the McDonalds knob-wash incident earlier today ??? (I understand the thermostat was faulty on the water heater.....near-boiling water all over his family jewels......not pleasant !!!!)
But....as a leading sponsor of our man Cyclops...I feel I must put myself forward to enter this den of ill-repute and offer what help I can to the World Rider. Am I right in thinking this is the Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage) ???? If so, I know the address !!!!!
Steve (Maps-R-Us) Still firmly behind Cyclops !!!!!
gypsy
MAN on the PAN
Thanks for the offer SUPA !
but as a key member of the CYCLOPS WORLD CHALLENGE
support group and senior route planner we cannot afford to lose you to the whims of the loose women that offer their services there!
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oh and Biker Babe says if you offer again she will have your nuts on a skewer:t
but as a key member of the CYCLOPS WORLD CHALLENGE
support group and senior route planner we cannot afford to lose you to the whims of the loose women that offer their services there!
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oh and Biker Babe says if you offer again she will have your nuts on a skewer:t
Supabird1100
Registered User
But Gypsy !!!!!:B :B :B
There's this worrying silence again from Cyclops !!!!.....Are you SURE you don't want me to go to the Bubbles Health Spa ?????:dunno: :dunno:
Worried of Essex
Cyclops
Registered User
Update Monday 8th:
Today got off to a great start with the arrival of my new Cod Piece GPS system supplied by Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors of Cyclops and delivered in record time by Fastasfook Couriers (Motto: We'll get the fooker there)....
As you suggested Steve (I?m a Marine) it is a bit on the big side but I have padded it out with a cheese half pounder and now it fits a treat.
This has the double advantage that should I run out of the sausages kindly supplied by Rob P XX (Motto: If you want ''cheap sausages'' fook off to kwick save) I can always eat it cold.
The weather seems to have picked up a bit so it was with renewed high spirits that I climbed aboard my rusty err trusty steed and thumbed the starter, the powerful V twin burst into life I snicked it into 1st and gunned the throttle.
I turned on my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending supplied by Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors of Cyclops and started to follow the prompts.
For those of you who have never used a Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending device I will explain how it works, it is a very simple idea but works very well. As the device is attached via a very becoming codpiece it indicates which direction you should travel by touch.
So to turn left it will tickle your left bollock, to turn right it will tickle your right bollock and for straight ahead it pulls your bell end. When counting down to an exit or turn it signals the number of meters to go by a series of tugs on the bell end.
So not only is it good at giving direction it?s pleasant to use as well. The one I like best is the 100M to go signal!
So I followed the direction programmed into my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending supplied by Steve (Maps-R-Us) and after 12 hours of travel pulled up outside Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage)?
Ah Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) must have left my next set of co ordinates with the people inside, I climbed off my rusty err trusty steed unhooked my stick from the chrome stick hangers (Supplied by Jaws Motorcycles) and went inside.
I hobbled over to the reception desk and rung the bell for service, a very attractive young lady came out of a room at the back. She must have had an accident and split something over her dress because she was only wearing a peephole bra and appeared to have a very nasty gash in her knickers.
I mumbled something about Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) and she said that I was expected and would I like to go into the cubicle down the hall and wait for a moment.
I had only a few moments to wait and whiled away the time by looking at the collection of whips and leather goods on the wall. The door opened and in popped another attractive looking girl who on spotting my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending blurted out ? my that?s a big one? I modestly replied yep it is and you can get the weather report on it as well. She then asked me if I wanted a massage and I thought ?why not while I?m waiting for more directions. So I lay down on the bed and she started to massage my neck she then asked if I would like a hand massage?
Why not I thought as my hand had been hurting a bit lately so I said yes, but she did not seem to have any better sense of direction than Fat Bert because before I could stop her she had whipped off my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending and was pumping me big Mac. !!!!
In a fit of panic I fled the room my big Mac dangling out of my leathers only to be stopped by a fooken enormous bloke who said I owed her ?150 and if I did not pay up I was for it.
So I am being held here until I receive some money I am broke as you will recall I put all the money I had into the Nat west cash point last night.
Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) must have given me his own personal GPS directions as it turns out he?s a regular visitor to this establishment.
I must appeal to all my sponsors please send ?150 to Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage) and they will release the death grip they have on my Big Mac
Best Regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:
Today got off to a great start with the arrival of my new Cod Piece GPS system supplied by Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors of Cyclops and delivered in record time by Fastasfook Couriers (Motto: We'll get the fooker there)....
As you suggested Steve (I?m a Marine) it is a bit on the big side but I have padded it out with a cheese half pounder and now it fits a treat.
This has the double advantage that should I run out of the sausages kindly supplied by Rob P XX (Motto: If you want ''cheap sausages'' fook off to kwick save) I can always eat it cold.
The weather seems to have picked up a bit so it was with renewed high spirits that I climbed aboard my rusty err trusty steed and thumbed the starter, the powerful V twin burst into life I snicked it into 1st and gunned the throttle.
I turned on my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending supplied by Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors of Cyclops and started to follow the prompts.
For those of you who have never used a Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending device I will explain how it works, it is a very simple idea but works very well. As the device is attached via a very becoming codpiece it indicates which direction you should travel by touch.
So to turn left it will tickle your left bollock, to turn right it will tickle your right bollock and for straight ahead it pulls your bell end. When counting down to an exit or turn it signals the number of meters to go by a series of tugs on the bell end.
So not only is it good at giving direction it?s pleasant to use as well. The one I like best is the 100M to go signal!
So I followed the direction programmed into my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending supplied by Steve (Maps-R-Us) and after 12 hours of travel pulled up outside Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage)?
Ah Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) must have left my next set of co ordinates with the people inside, I climbed off my rusty err trusty steed unhooked my stick from the chrome stick hangers (Supplied by Jaws Motorcycles) and went inside.
I hobbled over to the reception desk and rung the bell for service, a very attractive young lady came out of a room at the back. She must have had an accident and split something over her dress because she was only wearing a peephole bra and appeared to have a very nasty gash in her knickers.
I mumbled something about Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) and she said that I was expected and would I like to go into the cubicle down the hall and wait for a moment.
I had only a few moments to wait and whiled away the time by looking at the collection of whips and leather goods on the wall. The door opened and in popped another attractive looking girl who on spotting my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending blurted out ? my that?s a big one? I modestly replied yep it is and you can get the weather report on it as well. She then asked me if I wanted a massage and I thought ?why not while I?m waiting for more directions. So I lay down on the bed and she started to massage my neck she then asked if I would like a hand massage?
Why not I thought as my hand had been hurting a bit lately so I said yes, but she did not seem to have any better sense of direction than Fat Bert because before I could stop her she had whipped off my Cod Piece GPS Pat Pending and was pumping me big Mac. !!!!
In a fit of panic I fled the room my big Mac dangling out of my leathers only to be stopped by a fooken enormous bloke who said I owed her ?150 and if I did not pay up I was for it.
So I am being held here until I receive some money I am broke as you will recall I put all the money I had into the Nat west cash point last night.
Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) must have given me his own personal GPS directions as it turns out he?s a regular visitor to this establishment.
I must appeal to all my sponsors please send ?150 to Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage) and they will release the death grip they have on my Big Mac
Best Regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:
Chunky Monkey
Registered User
Fear Not My ....
troubled friend...we have enlisted the help of a rescue ranger....(known as Bertie of Bolton Moor)....:} :}
He has been given orders and directions to come and assist you in your plight....he was last seen leaving Bolton Moor (Derby to you southen poofthas) at approx 19.30 GMT today.....god bless and good luck.....
troubled friend...we have enlisted the help of a rescue ranger....(known as Bertie of Bolton Moor)....:} :}
He has been given orders and directions to come and assist you in your plight....he was last seen leaving Bolton Moor (Derby to you southen poofthas) at approx 19.30 GMT today.....god bless and good luck.....
Attachments
Chunky Monkey
Registered User
We also....
have waiting in the wings Cyclops......a "winter division" of rescue rangers known as "Swiss Tony`s Terrors"......
A leathal group of hand to hand combat trained troops........
(more enphasis on the hand to hand bit though mate)....
These have been put on stand by and are ready to assist Bert of Bolton Moor should the need arise.......
Keep transmitiing the secret coe from your GPS codpiece..the rescue team will home in and save your soul.........
have waiting in the wings Cyclops......a "winter division" of rescue rangers known as "Swiss Tony`s Terrors"......
A leathal group of hand to hand combat trained troops........
(more enphasis on the hand to hand bit though mate)....
These have been put on stand by and are ready to assist Bert of Bolton Moor should the need arise.......
Keep transmitiing the secret coe from your GPS codpiece..the rescue team will home in and save your soul.........
Attachments
F
fat bert
Guest
Problem sorted - panic not~~~~!
The things I have to do to save a mate!!
On reading of his latest dilema, I've cancelled this evening work schedule and visited Bubbles Health and Recreational Centre for myself.
Jane [wife] wasn't overly keen as I've never visted one of these "heath and fitness" centres in my life and, quiet frankly, she didn't believe me when I told her of my intended course of action....
Bert "Just popping out dear"
Mrs Bert "where you going on fat one?"
Bert "Just nipping into Derby dear"
Mrs Bert "anywhere interesting?"
Bert "No dear - just the local knocking shop"
Mrs Bert "Yeah - right"
Bert "No seriously I've got to save Cyclops from the death grip of
Madame Suzie"
Mrs Bert "you'd tell me anything to get to the pub - who's Madame Suzie?"
Bert "Some tart that needs paying"
Mrs Bert "Oh you're off to see Cyclops then - l8rs - have a pleasant evening"
Anyway..... I digress.......
On entering this "Gentlemens Relaxation Centre" [motto - just a quick flick of the wrist and away you go] I was approached by some hairy 22 stone monster who asked me what I wanted
I explained to the Madame of the House that I was here to save my long lost pal Cyclops.
Then all was revealed [oooo errr]
It appears that someone had sprayed grafitti onto the entrance sign of this establishment
so instead of it reading "Bubbles Heath Spa" - it now read "Think Bubbles - Michael Jackson does"
Unfortunately the part of the signboard that contained the Michael Jackson bit has fallen off and all that was left was "Think Bubbles...."
Now Cyclops being of sound mind [but bugger all else] remembered that this was indeed the slogan for Aero Confectionary bars
"Ah ha - he thinks - if they sell sweeties, I'll stock up on high energy snacks to fortify myself through the night"
In he ventures and asks of the nice [though rather hairy] rather obese Madame
"Excuse me - if I pay cash can I will you give me a couple of lengths of the chocolate bar"
She reluctantly agreed and showed him into what could best best desribed as the "Submissive Dungeon" where she promptly handcuffed his arms and legs to an over-sized cartwheel.
"Be careful of my stiff one" he shouted referring to his bad leg!
It appears that a suitable sized toblerone was inserted into a place "where the sun don't shine" and was told....
"We're not going to release you until you've masticated on that for a while" Those Almond pieces may prove to be a problem.
The sight that befell me was not a pretty one - so I fled before the staff of this "gentlmens leisure centre" could capture me fearing that I might also befall the tortures of the Toblerone bar.
My getaway was rapid [to say the least] and 4 hours later I returned home.
I trust that our dear friend Cyclops will manage to endure this most unexpected "deviation"
Watch this space?
We await an update
If you don't believe me
http://www.bubbles-spa.co.uk/
genuine website
The things I have to do to save a mate!!
On reading of his latest dilema, I've cancelled this evening work schedule and visited Bubbles Health and Recreational Centre for myself.
Jane [wife] wasn't overly keen as I've never visted one of these "heath and fitness" centres in my life and, quiet frankly, she didn't believe me when I told her of my intended course of action....
Bert "Just popping out dear"
Mrs Bert "where you going on fat one?"
Bert "Just nipping into Derby dear"
Mrs Bert "anywhere interesting?"
Bert "No dear - just the local knocking shop"
Mrs Bert "Yeah - right"
Bert "No seriously I've got to save Cyclops from the death grip of
Madame Suzie"
Mrs Bert "you'd tell me anything to get to the pub - who's Madame Suzie?"
Bert "Some tart that needs paying"
Mrs Bert "Oh you're off to see Cyclops then - l8rs - have a pleasant evening"
Anyway..... I digress.......
On entering this "Gentlemens Relaxation Centre" [motto - just a quick flick of the wrist and away you go] I was approached by some hairy 22 stone monster who asked me what I wanted
I explained to the Madame of the House that I was here to save my long lost pal Cyclops.
Then all was revealed [oooo errr]
It appears that someone had sprayed grafitti onto the entrance sign of this establishment
so instead of it reading "Bubbles Heath Spa" - it now read "Think Bubbles - Michael Jackson does"
Unfortunately the part of the signboard that contained the Michael Jackson bit has fallen off and all that was left was "Think Bubbles...."
Now Cyclops being of sound mind [but bugger all else] remembered that this was indeed the slogan for Aero Confectionary bars
"Ah ha - he thinks - if they sell sweeties, I'll stock up on high energy snacks to fortify myself through the night"
In he ventures and asks of the nice [though rather hairy] rather obese Madame
"Excuse me - if I pay cash can I will you give me a couple of lengths of the chocolate bar"
She reluctantly agreed and showed him into what could best best desribed as the "Submissive Dungeon" where she promptly handcuffed his arms and legs to an over-sized cartwheel.
"Be careful of my stiff one" he shouted referring to his bad leg!
It appears that a suitable sized toblerone was inserted into a place "where the sun don't shine" and was told....
"We're not going to release you until you've masticated on that for a while" Those Almond pieces may prove to be a problem.
The sight that befell me was not a pretty one - so I fled before the staff of this "gentlmens leisure centre" could capture me fearing that I might also befall the tortures of the Toblerone bar.
My getaway was rapid [to say the least] and 4 hours later I returned home.
I trust that our dear friend Cyclops will manage to endure this most unexpected "deviation"
Watch this space?
We await an update
If you don't believe me
http://www.bubbles-spa.co.uk/
genuine website
Cyclops
Registered User
Update Update:
Thanks for all the offers of help from Bertie of Bolton Moor and "Swiss Tony`s Terrors" but all is now well.
I have struck a deal with the manager of Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage) and due to me being dressed in leather and carrying a stick have agreed to GIMP for him tonight which will work off my debt. man8um
As a bonus I get to bunk up with the young girl with the nasty gash!!!!! :lick: :lick:
Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) please send new directions tomorrow, as I am now back where I started from in Derby and still need to get to Matlock by Friday the 12th.
So the race against the clock is now on can our hero make it in time?
Will there be any more harassments to impede his progress only tomorrow will tell.
Good night
Best regards
Cyclops (Worried Rider)
:beer:
Thanks for all the offers of help from Bertie of Bolton Moor and "Swiss Tony`s Terrors" but all is now well.
I have struck a deal with the manager of Bubbles Health Spa on the main Derby road (motto: Let us rub you up...it's better than a RobP sausage) and due to me being dressed in leather and carrying a stick have agreed to GIMP for him tonight which will work off my debt. man8um
As a bonus I get to bunk up with the young girl with the nasty gash!!!!! :lick: :lick:
Supabird1100 (I?m a Marine) please send new directions tomorrow, as I am now back where I started from in Derby and still need to get to Matlock by Friday the 12th.
So the race against the clock is now on can our hero make it in time?
Will there be any more harassments to impede his progress only tomorrow will tell.
Good night
Best regards
Cyclops (Worried Rider)
:beer:
Cyclops
Registered User
Latest news:
It appears that Fat Bert alias Bertie of Bolton Moor has fallen foul of the staff of the health spa next door the similarly named Bobbles Health Spa.
It appears that in his haste to rescue me he forgot to put his contacts in and so misread the sign.
Now Bobbles health spa caters for a different kind of clientele, it is in fact a gay health spa, and lists such delights as a Toberloene enema. :m
It is understood that Fat Bert whilst peering myopically into one of the cubicles mistook the person lying on the table for me, and upon being approached by a hairy 22 stone monster clutching a 3-foot industrial sized Toberloene fled in horror.uke:
He was last seen running up the Derby Road shouting you would never get that up my arse! Hotly pursued by a hairy 22 stone monster clutching a 3-foot industrial sized Toberloene. c7u8
So ends another uneventful day.
I look forward with renewed optimism to tomorrow
Best Regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:
It appears that Fat Bert alias Bertie of Bolton Moor has fallen foul of the staff of the health spa next door the similarly named Bobbles Health Spa.
It appears that in his haste to rescue me he forgot to put his contacts in and so misread the sign.
Now Bobbles health spa caters for a different kind of clientele, it is in fact a gay health spa, and lists such delights as a Toberloene enema. :m
It is understood that Fat Bert whilst peering myopically into one of the cubicles mistook the person lying on the table for me, and upon being approached by a hairy 22 stone monster clutching a 3-foot industrial sized Toberloene fled in horror.
uke: He was last seen running up the Derby Road shouting you would never get that up my arse! Hotly pursued by a hairy 22 stone monster clutching a 3-foot industrial sized Toberloene. c7u8
So ends another uneventful day.
I look forward with renewed optimism to tomorrow
Best Regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:
Supabird1100
Registered User
So....As The Sun Slowly Rises Over Derby.......
Our courier is speeding towards the intrepid World Rider with today's directions. Despite being back where we started I still have every faith in Cyclops and I'm convinced he will make Matlock by Friday.
The new directions contain some 'short-cuts', so hopefully this will speed progress a little but it is extremely difficult to plot routes avoiding left turns (can't use them cos of Cyclops's dodgy left eye).
I have purposely avoided town centres and built-up area's to prevent any re-occurence of the Bubbles Health Spa incident of yesterday......so enjoy a pleasant cruise in the countryside today, Cyclops......and avoid the cow-shite and sheep dung !!!!!!
Until we talk again......Live to ride.....Ride to live !!!!!
Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever confident sponsors of Cyclops !!!!!
Our courier is speeding towards the intrepid World Rider with today's directions. Despite being back where we started I still have every faith in Cyclops and I'm convinced he will make Matlock by Friday.
The new directions contain some 'short-cuts', so hopefully this will speed progress a little but it is extremely difficult to plot routes avoiding left turns (can't use them cos of Cyclops's dodgy left eye).
I have purposely avoided town centres and built-up area's to prevent any re-occurence of the Bubbles Health Spa incident of yesterday......so enjoy a pleasant cruise in the countryside today, Cyclops......and avoid the cow-shite and sheep dung !!!!!!
Until we talk again......Live to ride.....Ride to live !!!!!
Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever confident sponsors of Cyclops !!!!!
F
fat bert
Guest
Cyclops
Registered User
Morning Update:
Having had a hard evenings Gimping at Bubbles Heath Spa to pay off me debt and then being forced to spend the night with the girl from reception, (because it was the only bed available you understand.)
I awoke feeling somewhat sore and very tired, (I had been right she did indeed have a viscous gash)
I regretfully got dressed and hobbled out side to get my bike.
I was appalled to find that one of the Bubbles staff had done a burn out on it and had shagged my back tyre. :B I will now have to push it to the nearest tyre centre ( Tyres-R-Us) and have a new one fitted.
This will delay the start of the epic journey for another few hours.
I will post another update later this evening.
As ever I remain optimistic of reaching Matlock by Friday.
Best Regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:
Having had a hard evenings Gimping at Bubbles Heath Spa to pay off me debt and then being forced to spend the night with the girl from reception, (because it was the only bed available you understand.)
I awoke feeling somewhat sore and very tired, (I had been right she did indeed have a viscous gash)
I regretfully got dressed and hobbled out side to get my bike.
I was appalled to find that one of the Bubbles staff had done a burn out on it and had shagged my back tyre. :B I will now have to push it to the nearest tyre centre ( Tyres-R-Us) and have a new one fitted.
This will delay the start of the epic journey for another few hours.
I will post another update later this evening.
As ever I remain optimistic of reaching Matlock by Friday.
Best Regards
Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer: