****MIDLANDS MEET - REVISED DETAILS*****

[Cyclops]

Update:

Leather bags have arrived by courier Fastpost Couriers ( Motto: We get the fooker there without delay) and are even now being fitted.


Quote: You may laugh at all this mularky BUT a lot of it is nearer to the truth about Cyclops [motto I'm a tosser and don't I know it]


Fat Bert (motto:I'm a total complete tosser but I don't know it)

Pssssssssssssssst - has ANYONE told Fat Bert that we're not actually meeting in Coalville now? and hope he fooks off there and leaves us alone at Matlock.

Been cheered up by support from the local Ducati club members

 

[fat bert]

That piccies been~~~

photochopped Cyclops ya ringer!!

Here's the original as found on the web


:} :} :} :} :} :f

 

[fat bert]

and the southern pooftah's~~~

have the nerve to call us "mincers"?

 

[Cyclops]

Dear me

It's still 2 ropey old dogs



And this coming from a man who thinks a fookall Carltons a car :f :f :f

 

[fat bert]

Get it right Cyclops~~~

it's not a Carlton [they used to make TV programmes darn sarf]

It's a :-

Luxury
Immaculately
Maintained

Pre-owned
Loverly
Unblemished
Motorised
People Carrier

Or Lim....Plump for short

and still driven by a:-

T.W.A.T

 

[fat bert]

See that~~~

our oriental e-chum has bitten!!

Cue Cyclops with a rib-tickling reponse of suitable magnitude!!

 

[Cyclops]

Oh Dear

Oh Dear,
it looks like we have hit a bit of a raw nerve here ??


So its fine for you to voice your opinion as to the merits or otherwise of a persons bike, but when the boots on the other foot we :B :B and spit our dummy out of the pram.


You see I can admit that my Ducati is not as fast as a Blackbird ( thats why I owned both ) and I am not going down the road of my cars faster than your car cos that`s what little children do in the playground. ( and my car is faster than yours anyway) Joke Joke

My Dads deader than your Dad etc etc. ( If like my Father yours is actualy dead the I am sorry for any offense caused)

I also freely admit that the old Suzuki cruiser is not as fast as a Super Blackbird 1100XX or your Carlton BUT thats hardly world shattering news is it,
I can see MCN next week SHOCK HORROR WORLD SCOOP Suzuki Marauder faster than Superblackbird I dont think so.


I also admit that I would not normally look at one but given a choice between having a bike of some sort and not having a bike, I went for having one.

I also freely admit that I dont go very fast on it, it`s funny how the thought of having your leg amputated if I break it again tempers the throttle hand. :violin:

I am most likley the only person on the planet who`s Ducati covered 23.000 miles without breaking down, or stopping and until like the riding God that I am not I fell off it and then I must admit bits drop off it.

As the preceding posts show I DO have a sense of humor and can take the piss out of both myself and my so called tractor of a bike.

However you do seem to have had a major sense of humor bypass. Christ you must have been on hospital for weeks recovering from it.


Thats the nice reply



























and if you dont like it :f :f


PS Bert asked me to include this

"didn't know you could buy Carlton's in China.... Lim Plump"


No idea why


:dunno:


PPS Thats my quota of posting done for the year.

 

[Cyclops]

Anyway back to the plot

As predicted and thanks to Supabird1100 directions I was back on the road and continuing the epic journey to that Mecca of he man tough butch heterosexual and not at all Gay bikers Matlock.

I set off to complete the remaining 7 miles in a desperate attempt to beat the 6 day deadline knowing the odds to be stacked against me. All went well for the first 300 meters until I came to the first bend in the road.

Bends are always a bit tricky on a cruiser but made all the more so as only having one leg when I get off to push the bike round the corner I have to be very careful not to drop the bike.

However undeterred and with the joyous yells of the Wirksworth community shouting well wishes and the local Morris dancers ( The Thirty Berties ) dancing round the Pole I gave a cheery wave and was off.

I will keep you updated regularly .

Best regards to all


except Lumpy :f :f

Cyclops ( World Rider )

 

[fat bert]

Phooking 'ell~~~

You can tell Cyclops wasn't busy at work today!!

That's more words posted in one day than an entire bloody year

and what's more....................

How come he can type, post and push the Crooooser round corners - all at athe same time?

Is that whats called "multi-tasking"?????

Nice to see you've wound Lim Plump up mate

 

[Supabird1100]

Cyclops................

Heartening news indeed,.......the epic trip seems to be doing wonders for your well-being !!!!! I am well chuffed that the new revised directions are proving a success.:} :}



Don't slag ya cruiser off M8.......I've owned a number of 'em and there are still days that I would rather have an easy potter rather than a balls-out blast !!!!! Who knows.....maybe I'll get one as a second bike and we could have the piss ripped out of us both !!!!!:} :}

Steve:beer:

 

[reefer]

"Seat on

Air con on

Hi Fi on

Cruise at the ready"



its no good bumpy....

you can look and look and look..but..........

























































































































































you aint gonna find the traction control button..cos it aint got it:f :} man8um
never mind you can always carry a bag of salt in the boot..ive heard its quiet cheapman8um
you just gotta wait for the right moment for the replys:f

 

[Cyclops]

Last update of the day

Well another day draws to a close and still 5 and a half miles to go. I have pulled up into a driveway and settled down for the night.

Unfortunately there are no funds for a room and if the truth be known no bloody hotels between Derby and Matlock.

I have slung my hammock between the ape hanger bars of the bike and it?s quite comfortable although the rain is making the Pink bar end tassels droop, and the Velcro has come off the footrest again.

Its not too bad cooking bacon on the exhurst pipes but it doe's leave a terrible stain

I am still having doubts that with only 5 days to go I will be able to complete the journey, these nagging doubts lurk in the back of my mind :


What if the Farmers want to use my bike for ploughing again ?

What if the Customs and excise stop me for having Red diesel again ?

What if the rain rots my Suzuki into a rust heap overnight ?

What if someone finds Limpys Sense Of Humour will they hand it in, as it will have hardly been used?


Once again thanks to Supabird1100 ( I?m a Marine ) who has sent over the latest directions which have been fed into the state of the art Heads UP GPS system with Wot my bike is equipped ( A big thanks to the precision bombing unit of the United States Air force Motto: its only a little friendly fire) and a big big thank you to all my sponsors, who have never wavered in their faith in me to complete this task.

Good night and God Bless


Cyclops
:beer: :beer:

 

[Cyclops]

Last update of the day

Well another day draws to a close and still 5 and a half miles to go. I have pulled up into a driveway and settled down for the night.

Unfortunately there are no funds for a room and if the truth be known no bloody hotels between Derby and Matlock.

I have slung my hammock between the ape hanger bars of the bike and it?s quite comfortable although the rain is making the Pink bar end tassels droop, and the Velcro has come off the footrest again.

Its not too bad cooking bacon on the exhurst pipes but it doe's leave a terrible stain

I am still having doubts that with only 5 days to go I will be able to complete the journey, these nagging doubts lurk in the back of my mind :


What if the Farmers want to use my bike for ploughing again ?

What if the Customs and excise stop me for having Red diesel again ?

What if the rain rots my Suzuki into a rust heap overnight ?

What if someone finds Limpys Sense Of Humour will they hand it in, as it will have hardly been used?


Once again thanks to Supabird1100 ( I?m a Marine ) who has sent over the latest directions which have been fed into the state of the art Heads UP GPS system with Wot my bike is equipped ( A big thanks to the precision bombing unit of the United States Air force Motto: its only a little friendly fire) and a big big thank you to all my sponsors, who have never wavered in their faith in me to complete this task.

Good night and God Bless


Cyclops
:beer: :beer:

Bugger its double posted again sorry:B :B

 

[Biker Babe]

Hi cyclops,

Just looked in on this thread and I'm glad to see your epic journey is going so well, even though you gotta rely on supa's directional skills..........


Just one thing puzzles me?.........


What's with the {I'm a marine} business you keep referring to regarding my old man? :dunno:


Am I missing something? :h

 

[ianrobbo1]

BB

should you of all people be asking ''THAT'' question on site,

have you ever heard the one about ''going commando''

 

[Cyclops]

Biker babe

thanks for the support and the I`m a marine came from Gypsys post earlier on fook knows why :dunno: :dunno:

Watch out for more updates

 

[Cyclops]

Morning update:

After having settled down in my hammock last night I was surprised to be woken by the owner of the driveway I had parked up in. Fully expecting to be asked to move on I was amazed when she said would I like to have the spare room for the night.

Now I was not going to say no was I after all it was raining and quite cold, also she looked to be about 30ish and was quite attractive.

Anyway we get into the house and I meet her husband a grumpy bloke with a face like a well-slapped arse. Christ compared to him even Fat Bert was slim and good-looking!

So you can gauge how fat and ugly this bloke was then,

Putting such thoughts and the trials of the last 7 days behind me I climbed into bed, it was really nice to be in a proper bed after either sleeping on the bike or curled up in one of the litter bins in a lay-by

I don?t know I long I slept for but I was woken by the pleasant sensation of my right nipple being gently teased, thinking I was dreaming I just lay back and enjoyed it, slowly the tongue moved up and was gently nuzzling my ear. Then it moved across and gently probed my open mouth.

I slowly opened my eyes


















































Fook me it was the grumpy bloke I pushed him off me and grabbing my walking stick I managed to fend the randy old fooker off, I quickly grabbed my clothes and got dressed then with only a backwards look hobbled off down the drive to my rusty errr trusty steed.

Best Regards

Cyclops ( World Rider )
8ree!

 

[Supabird1100]

A Narrow Escape................

And a very traumatic morning for you, Cyclops !!!!!

I trust the Suzuki is no worse for it's night in the rain.....and that good progress will now be made on the epic journey !!!!!

The days directions should now be with you.......so take care..... and I look forward to the next update.

Steve (Maps-R-Us) Marine navigation, my speciality:beer:

 

[fat bert]

This, my dear e=pals~~~

is rapidly turning into a classic read

ROFLAMO!!

 

[Cyclops]

Afternoon Update

Well after last nights goings on I thought that today might go a little better for me. :}

Alas no such luck once again the fickle finger of fate pissed on the Cyclops strawberries. Having hobbled down the long long driveway away from the almost surreal events of the night I arrived at where I had parked my bike to find it GONE !
:B

I am not ashamed to admit that I did break down and cry at this point.

Was it all worth it I wondered. It was then that I noticed an odd looking yokel leaning against the wall scratching his nuts!.


I did point out to him that if he used the correct sized spanner instead of pliers that they would not scratch them. ( Sorry old one )

Seeing me looking for something he then asked what it was I was looking for, a really great looking chromed cruiser style motorbike I replied.

Nrrr not be seein owt lik that mate, but arr do remember seein an old rusty Suzuki bag o shite arrr.

Arrr the scrappy arrr bin an taken that away with tha old rust bucket of a Vauxhall Carlton that wha dumped here by sum fat bloke.

My heart sunk how was I going to get my bike back from the scrapers, would it be in the crusher already?.

This was going to delay me a bit more and it was now looking like my plan to ride the 18 miles from Derby to Matlock in the incredibly short timescale of 14 days on my Cruiser was now just an impossible dream.


I tried to telephone Fat Bert but only got his answering machine and a message that he was off to see a Village people tribute band at the local Gay club, so no help their then.

:h
So a call to Gypsy but again no luck, as in a last ditch attempt to lose weight he was attached to an industrial strength liposuction machine and could not be disturbed for several hours.

So with a heavy heart I started the long slow painful hop to the local scrap yard to see if I could reclaim my bike. I will post more details later.

Best regards

Cyclops ( World Rider )
:beer: