****MIDLANDS MEET - REVISED DETAILS*****

[ianrobbo1]

A close call for Cyclops,!!!

A man fitting Cyclops description was stopped for speeding today,:cry:

however Police realised their mistake as soon as they realised that Cyclops bike could never reach the speeds that the suspect had attained,

they released the man without charge, on the grounds that he had enough ''problems'' looking like our mile munching tightwad m8 Cyclops, without the added ''bonus'' of a speeding ticket, :bow:

The officer responsible for this heinous error has been sent for retraining,

a photo of the cyclops ''look alike'' and his ''bike'' have been distributed to other officers in the area, so they dont make the same mistake by stopping ''fast moving'' bikes.

 

[fat bert]

Excuse me Ian Robbo~~~

Please refrain from posting pictures of Cyclops "chopper" on this thread - kiddies might be looking!

 

[RHINO]

SHOCK!!

Down at BOB POTTS [motto: We undercut everyone but what the hell we're busy,,unlike Steve Jordan m/cycles] we know a man who's best mate saw CYCLOPS on the funfair..

CYCLOPS had tied his chopper to the outside of the novelty carousel and was extracting money from anyone who wanted to ride it.....he would also charge a small fee for them to sit on his rusty err trusty steed to raise revenue for his venture.

CYCLOPS was also seen later to have tied his rusty err trusty steed to the waltzers in order for the up & down/ side 2 side movement to scrub his 240/110/18 TEFLON TECHNOLOGY NO GRIP HIGH SLIP TOURING TYPE TYRE in whilst he devoured bag after bag of candy floss (which i must inform you he used to taunt children).. This man is a menace to the honest romany travelling fairground people who grace our dog shit covered playing fields..

My man in the know says that CYCLOPS was trying to catch all the gold fish farts to make spirit level bubbles and sell them to B&Q to aid funding the BB Bash trip..
g0551p

 

[Supabird1100]

With Less Than 30 Hours To Go.............

The world awaits the latest update from our hero !!!!! Will he make Matlock by Friday evening ???....will the forces that have conspired against him finally get their just rewards ?? Will Maps-R-Us pull a last minute short cut out of the hat and thwart the bad luck that has plagued Cyclops ???

The negotiations for the World Rider's assault on Norfolk and the annual 'Bird Bash are progressing nicely.....but whether sufficent sponsors can be found relies on the outcome of this ride.

Go, Go Cyclops........we know you can do it !!!!!!!!

Steve (Maps-R-Us) Hanging-on-by-the skin-of-our-teeth sponsors of Cyclops !!!!

 

[Stealth Rider]

Never fear Cyclops help is at hand in the shape of Rolfy Dave and the Stealth Rider, Sainsbury's motto (Making life taste better) will sponser you to the tune of 5 chicken's half a dozen frozen ready meals, for your journey all you have to do is MEAT us at the rooftop penthouse of the Eagle center Fri 06.00 and we will pt u and your rust bucket in the back of our lorry, put the fridge on -25 deg to make you stiff and we will have you in Matlock on time as long as our poxy transport co-ordinators can get it right. Don't be late as we alway's run to time :f

 

[Supabird1100]

Noooooo !!!!!!!.............

I won't hear of such underhand tactics and cheating !!!!!!

Maps-R-Us has proudly sponsored the World Rider throughout this journey and we will not be party to blackening our Cyclops's good name by stooping to these gutter methods of achieving his final goal.

By all means......feel free to send the frozen meals and chickens to me. The staff at Maps-R-Us would be most grateful for something to eat....the cost of sponsoring the World Rider has escalated and we are all starving.

Steve (Maps-R-Us) Thinner than a thin thing on a diet.....sponsors of Cyclops.

 

[gypsy]

CYCLOPS UPDATE!!

Cyclops has had an unforseen dilemma today !

as you are aware our intrepid rider is making his way into the countryside for the Matlock Meet and has left the bright lights of Derby for the relative quiet of the country

Well cyclops received by courier his DISABLED BADGE and is now in search of a POST OFFICE to surrender his tax disc and get a rebate , this is troubling our poor sole as he can't find one :dunno:

NOT wanting to use his mobile phone and incure charges, he has been trying to use his gps cod piece (pat pending) to send voice messages.
But has been finding it difficult to bend enough to get his mouth near enough to his cod pice to be heard !
But with great effort on his part and a lot of pain he has been able to make several calls !

This is going to be his main line of defence when his case comes before Matlock magistrates this evening in a special sitting !

We can only pray that a suspended sentence is handed down and that he will be released

 

[Cyclops]

Thursday Update:

After a good nights sleep in the 3*** litterbin in Belper town centre I was ready to continue my epic journey to that Mecca of biking know in legend as Matlock.

I was dismayed to find the a fax had come though during the night on my multi function Cod Piece GPS System wiv Wot I am equipped, from unscrupulous swine by the name of Rolfy Dave and Stealth Rider, to pick me and my rusty err trusty steed up in a Stainburys lorry and transport both to matlock.

I must make it plain that I will not be a party to such underhand tactics (also they did not offer enough money) and I will continue to make my own way there on my powerful V twin cruiser.

I have to report that I have made it to Matlock Bath when I had a bit of harassment in the form the local constabulary, I have been arrested again. :h

You see NOT wanting to use my mobile phone and incur charges, I was trying to use my cod piece GPS (pat pending) to send voice messages.
But I had been finding it difficult to bend enough to get my mouth near enough to my codpiece to be heard!
But with great effort on my part and a lot of pain I was been able to make several calls!

I have been charged with gross indecency in a public place, my main line of defence when my case comes before Matlock magistrates this will be that I am only guilty of 143 charges.

I am sharing a cell with a very friendly man who must like animals because he keeps calling me his puppy! :h man8um :B

I remain optimistic that I will be in Matlock by 8:00pm tomorrow night.


Best regards

Cyclops (World rider)
:beer:

 

[fat bert]

and only~~

21 hours to the deadline!

Willie Make-It [motto tempus fugit for those latin twats]

However, on a brighter note - we set ourselves a target of 2000 reads by the time of the Matlock meet - well exceeded expectations - already over 2100

Job done!!

 

[gypsy]

DEADLINE !!

good choice of words Bertie Boy:f

 

[Supabird1100]

Well.................

With only 12 hours to go we at Maps-R-Us have done all we can. A plea for clemency has been made to the local constabulary and the final directions have been dispatched (pick them up from the Desk Clerk as you leave the court, Cyclops).

One final supreme effort is needed and if anyone can rise } ) to the challenge, it's you !!!!!!!

So.....the welcoming party is on standby......the press have been notified.....photographers will be on hand to record the arrival...... and your sponsors are all proud of you !!!!! Don't let us down !!!!!

Steve (Maps-R-Us) Already-celebrating-the-wonderful-achievement sponsors of the World Rider !!!!!!!

 

[gypsy]

That's if it stops snowing !

8ree!

If not your on your own Big Boy!!!!

:m

 

[tootyfluti]

will someone please let us know if you decide to bail at the last minute and not turn up. I`ll check here before we leave but it looks like we`ll be cage bound tonight.c7u8 c7u8

 

[Cyclops]

Friday morning update:

I am out of pokey thanks to the efforts of Steve (Maps-R-Us) plea for clemancy, err and the big bribe he sent.

I had a restless nights sleep and woke up with a rather sore man8um but as I left the chap sharing my cell gave me a big kiss and wished me well.

Bugger just got outside to my very rusty steed and it`s snowng like hell%$fan still must carry on.

Best regards

Cyclops (world rider)
8ree! 8ree!


PS. anybody got a gel saddle for a cruiser ?????

 

[gypsy]

I will def be there !

Bert should be ?

if he can hire a mini-bus for all his minders !!

( supplied by "GAY MINDERS R US ) our motto " you look at me like that again and i will hit you with my handbag!!"

 

[fat bert]

Weather Update in Derby~~~

ROFLMAO - It's snowing like hell!

ONLY KIDDING PEEEPS - now turned to rain and warming up a tadge

I hope to be at Matlock in person but cannot be sure due to added expenses incurred over the last 48 hours :-

a] ?500 x 6 for Heavily armed bodyguards [where Orms when you need him?]

b] ?14,500 demand from Derby City Council [incurred costs of additional gritting/salting all roads in Derbyshire]

The road gritting bill was negotiated at just ?10.00 based on a direct route from Derby to Matlock [estimates at just 9 miles]

However with all the buggering about this week, the Council gritter lorries have covered some 475 miles and these costs have been bill to SupaBird c/o Fat Bert

Invoice on it's way Steve - you'll need to raise extra sponsorship

..Already-celebrating-the-wonderful-achievement sponsors of the World Rider !!!!!!!.

Don't count chickens - he aint there yet!!

9 hours and several thousand ?????????? and counting
LOL

 

[richard]

Gonna have to be a woos I'm afraid as the weather up here is shitty, and I'm stuck at work now until some gas peeps arrive. What a complete and utter bastid even filled up at dinner time... Ho well see ya next time around...

richard

:B

 

[fat bert]

DRAMATIC TURD OF EVENTS~~~

Blimey

With less than 2 hours to deadline, events have just taken a dramatic turn of events.

With only 1.5 miles to go....................................

Cyclops has blown up his Suzuki

Damm - emergency recovery plan now put into place - will the hospital manage to remedy his burned lips in time???

LOL

 

[fat bert]

DRAMATIC TURD OF EVENTS~~~

Blimey

With less than 2 hours to deadline, events have just taken a dramatic turn of events.

With only 1.5 miles to go....................................

Cyclops has blown up his Suzuki

Damm - emergency recovery plan now put into place - will the hospital manage to remedy his burned lips in time???

LOL

 

[richard]

Gonna have to be a woos I'm afraid as the weather up here is shitty, and I'm stuck at work now until some gas peeps arrive. What a complete and utter bastid even filled up at dinner time... Ho well see ya next time around...

richard

:B