Daily Smile thread

[Cougar377]

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Coat, yer, get. Re-arrange this well known phrase or saying.

 

[Jaws]

 

[Cougar377]

View attachment 47010

I have a particular talent for wrapping presents for various people and then putting the tags on afterwards....

 

[Jaws]

I have a particular talent for wrapping presents for various people and then putting the tags on afterwards....

So what did the wife say when she unwrapped the Nintendo , and the child say when he unwrapped the smellies ?

 

[Cougar377]

So what did the wife say when she unwrapped the Nintendo , and the child say when he unwrapped the smellies ?

Well....here's what happened last year.....

I decided to buy her a pair of gloves for Christmas.
I asked her younger sister to accompany me to buy them then she could point out a pair she'd like. We went to the shopping centre where her sister picked a pair of white, fur lined gloves, which I bought.
Her sister then bought a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the shop assistant mixed up the parcels without us realising. As a result, her sister got the gloves and I took home a gift box containing the panties.
Without checking, I wrote the gift tag out and gave her the parcel. Here's what I put in the tag:

"I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones as they are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the shop assistant showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."


The hospital food was OK for that time of year.

 

[T.C]

 

[Jaws]

 

[derek kelly]

I’m giving up drinking for a month, hang on that’s wrong, I’m giving up, drinking for a month.

 

[derek kelly]

 

[Cougar377]

One of the best things about the run up to Christmas is that no one asks you what you're looking at when you slam the laptop lid down as someone walks in the room.

 

[derek kelly]

No Christmas record from Chris Rea as his car failed it’s MOT.

 

[Jaws]

 

[andyBeaker]

You'll probably like this then....

 

[Malone]

https://d28lcup14p4e72.cloudfront.net/158818/4931490/Proof that God exists.mp4

 

[Squag1]

 

[ianrobbo1]

I wonder if I could get a job as a drummer?? it certainly doesn't look difficult.

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[derek kelly]

My mate bought his wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas, I asked him why & he said “it’s only a stocking filler”

 

[DLN1965]

Happy Christmas