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Daily Smile thread
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An Irishman's first drink with his son!
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only a hundred yards from the cottage. I got him a Guinness He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast Ireland's finest whisky. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his pram back home!!!
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only a hundred yards from the cottage. I got him a Guinness He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast Ireland's finest whisky. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his pram back home!!!
A while ago a new supermarket opened near us.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder
and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing
and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of
charcoal grilled steaks with onions..
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens
clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the
pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalising smell
of fresh baked bread and cookies.
We do not buy toilet paper there anymore
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder
and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing
and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of
charcoal grilled steaks with onions..
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens
clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the
pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalising smell
of fresh baked bread and cookies.
We do not buy toilet paper there anymore
An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered:
"Is that one word or two?"
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered:
"Is that one word or two?"
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in, pauses, and yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She starts up the steps and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. Shaking her head she says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in, pauses, and yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She starts up the steps and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. Shaking her head she says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
