What do you call a camel with four humps? A Saudi quattro.
After brexit can I still use my continental quilt.
After brexit can I still use my continental quilt.
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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
Only if you have paid the import duty ............
I ordered four kindles off Amazon, they sent me a two Ronnies Dvd.
Brilliant!!
A few ( some old ! ) for a wet Monday
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
When you work here
you can name your own salary.
I named mine "Fred".
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you
Furry green meat is bad for you.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I FOUND JESUS!
He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana..
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
When you work here
you can name your own salary.
I named mine "Fred".
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you
Furry green meat is bad for you.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I FOUND JESUS!
He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana..
Sorry is the hardest word to say, unless you’re chinese, then it’s squirrel.
Customer to waiter in Chinese restaurant "this chicken is rubbery"
Waiter " ah, flank you vely much"
Waiter " ah, flank you vely much"
Hong Kong Phooey is on the way.
Quiney
Registered User
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Nothing special, just a woman parking an Automatic
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Nothing special, just a woman parking an Automatic
There is an old adage to the affect that, if you were to sit millions of monkeys in front of computer keyboards, eventually one of them would type the complete works of Shakespeare.
A recent experiment has proved conclusively that this isn't true. In test conditions, not only was there no sign of Shakespeares works being replicated, nothing of any sense or merit whatsoever was produced.
The experiment was called 'Facebook'.
A recent experiment has proved conclusively that this isn't true. In test conditions, not only was there no sign of Shakespeares works being replicated, nothing of any sense or merit whatsoever was produced.
The experiment was called 'Facebook'.
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work – not aware that her 9-year-old son is hiding in the closet.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
"Dark in here," the boy whispers. "Yes, it is," the man replies awkwardly. "I have a baseball. Want to buy it?""No, thanks.""My dad's outside.""Okay, how much?""$250."
A few weeks later, the same thing happens, and the boy and the mom's lover find themselves in the closet together.
"Dark in here.""Yes, it is." "I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it?""No, thanks.""I'll tell.""How much?""$750."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
"I can't," the boy replies. "I sold them."
"How much did you sell them for?" the dad asks.
"$1,000," the boy proudly announces.
"That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that," the father says, shocked. "That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
At church that Sunday, the father alerts the priest, makes his child sit in the confession booth, and closes the door.
"Dark in here," the boy says.
The priest replies, "Don't start that sh*t again."
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
"Dark in here," the boy whispers. "Yes, it is," the man replies awkwardly. "I have a baseball. Want to buy it?""No, thanks.""My dad's outside.""Okay, how much?""$250."
A few weeks later, the same thing happens, and the boy and the mom's lover find themselves in the closet together.
"Dark in here.""Yes, it is." "I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it?""No, thanks.""I'll tell.""How much?""$750."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
"I can't," the boy replies. "I sold them."
"How much did you sell them for?" the dad asks.
"$1,000," the boy proudly announces.
"That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that," the father says, shocked. "That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
At church that Sunday, the father alerts the priest, makes his child sit in the confession booth, and closes the door.
"Dark in here," the boy says.
The priest replies, "Don't start that sh*t again."
Being a bit thick here.. Is Lukaku a form of disability ? Never heard of it but.....
If it is I reckon that is in pretty poor taste
Yes, you are being a bit thick
