Daily Smile thread

[derek kelly]

Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.

In a statement she said "the super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis"

 

[andyBeaker]

Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.

In a statement she said "the super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis"

Mrs a loved that!!

 

[T.C]

 

[Cougar377]

Mrs a loved that!!

Mrs A reads this stuff....???

Hello Mrs. A. . Is the house finished yet....? .

 

[andyBeaker]

Mrs A reads this stuff....???

Hello Mrs. A. . Is the house finished yet....? .

No, I read it out to her when I stopped laughing.

Just got to lay laminate flooring in the new coat cupboard and walk in wardrobe, decorate the entrance porch and have the hall carpet laid and job done.

Summer 2018 will see the garden done.

 

[Cougar377]

No, I read it out to her when I stopped laughing.

Just got to lay laminate flooring in the new coat cupboard and walk in wardrobe, decorate the entrance porch and have the hall carpet laid and job done.

Summer 2018 will see the garden done.

Do keep us posted.

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[ianrobbo1]

A man walks into a bar and see’s a big line up in front of a horse. Beside the horse is a big barrel of money.

The man walks to the back of the line and asks the last person: ”what is with the horse and the line?”

Person: “Well, if you can make the horse laugh you win the money”

So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse laugh. When it finally reaches his turn he miraculously makes the horse laugh thus winning the barrel of money.

The same man walks into the same bar a week later and notices that there is
another large line up in front of the same horse and another barrel of money
next to it.

The man goes to the last person in line and asks: “so you have to make the
horse laugh again?”

Person: “Nope, now you have to make him cry”

So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse cry. Finally when the man’s turn comes up he manages to make the horse cry and wins another barrel of money.

The man then proceeds to order a round of drinks to celebrate his achievement. The bartender then asks: ”so, how did you do it?’

Man: “Do what?”

Bartender: “How did you make the horse laugh and cry like that?”

Man: “Well, to make the horse laugh… I told him my cock was bigger than his, to make him cry… I showed him it”.

 

[T.C]

Of course, none of us would do this would we? Would we?

 

[T.C]

Things must ne really bad when they have to merge uniform cars with plain cars.

Dual role maybe?

 

[T.C]

My wife came home from work to find me sitting watching the football..

"I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football you think about nothing else," she said. "I'm also seeing someone else truth be told".

"Really?" I replied. "What team does he support?"

 

[ianrobbo1]

3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.
Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch,
pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...
"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.
"Calcium tablet. I want my baby to grow up with healthy bones", she replies, patting
her stomach affectionately.
Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a
bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
"What was that?", the other two enquire
"Iron tablet", she replies, "I want my baby to grow up with healthy blood" and
she pats her stomach affectionately.
All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a
bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
"What was that?" ask the other two..
"Thalidomide. I just can't get the arms right on this fucking jumper..."

 

[T.C]

Well I thought it was quite funny

 

[Cougar377]

Well I thought it was quite funny

View attachment 42809

Get yer coat. If you don't have a coat then one will be provided for you.

 

[Jaws]

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and
Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted
'He's behind you!'

 

[T.C]