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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
A lot of monkeys lived near a village. One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys! He announced that he will buy the monkeys @ $100 each.
The villagers thought that this man is mad. They thought how can somebody buy stray monkeys at $100 each? Still, some people caught some monkeys and gave them to this merchant and he paid them $100 for each monkey. This news spread like wildfire and people caught monkeys and sold them to the merchant.
After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @$200 each. The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys! They sold the remaining monkeys @$200 each.
Then the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @$500 each! The villagers start to lose sleep! ... They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left and got $500 each.
The villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement. Then the merchant announced that he is going home for a week. And when he returns, he will buy monkeys @$1000 each! He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys he bought. He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.
The merchant went home. The villagers were very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell at $1000 each. Then the employee told them that he will secretly sell some of the monkeys @$700 each. This news spread like wildfire. Since the merchant now buys monkeys @$1000 each, there is a $300 profit for each monkey.
The next day, villagers made a queue near the monkey cage. The employee sold all the monkeys at $700 each. The rich bought monkeys in big lots. The poor borrowed money from money lenders and also bought monkeys!
The villagers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return. But nobody came! ... Then they ran to the employee but he had already left, too!
The villagers then realized that they have bought the useless stray monkeys @ $700 each and are unable to sell them!
BitCoin explained.
The villagers thought that this man is mad. They thought how can somebody buy stray monkeys at $100 each? Still, some people caught some monkeys and gave them to this merchant and he paid them $100 for each monkey. This news spread like wildfire and people caught monkeys and sold them to the merchant.
After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @$200 each. The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys! They sold the remaining monkeys @$200 each.
Then the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @$500 each! The villagers start to lose sleep! ... They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left and got $500 each.
The villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement. Then the merchant announced that he is going home for a week. And when he returns, he will buy monkeys @$1000 each! He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys he bought. He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.
The merchant went home. The villagers were very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell at $1000 each. Then the employee told them that he will secretly sell some of the monkeys @$700 each. This news spread like wildfire. Since the merchant now buys monkeys @$1000 each, there is a $300 profit for each monkey.
The next day, villagers made a queue near the monkey cage. The employee sold all the monkeys at $700 each. The rich bought monkeys in big lots. The poor borrowed money from money lenders and also bought monkeys!
The villagers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return. But nobody came! ... Then they ran to the employee but he had already left, too!
The villagers then realized that they have bought the useless stray monkeys @ $700 each and are unable to sell them!
BitCoin explained.
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Three women (Jessica engaged, Britney married and Bella is a mistress) are conversation about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. All three buy black leather tight costume, leather brassiere, stiletto heels and black masks for their eyes. After a few days, they meet over lunch to compare notes.
Engaged Jessica says:
The last night when my fiance came over, he found me in the black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He said, “you are the woman of my life. I love you”. Then we made love all night long.
Mistress Bella says:
I met my lover at hotel room and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and I tied my lover’s eyes. When I opened his eyes, he only could looked at me didn’t say a word and we had wild sex all night.
Married Britney says:
I sent the kids to my mother’s house.I excited about having alone time with my husband. Had the lights dim, candles going, I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos heels and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as my husband came to the door and saw me and said,”What’s for dinner, BATMAN?
Engaged Jessica says:
The last night when my fiance came over, he found me in the black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He said, “you are the woman of my life. I love you”. Then we made love all night long.
Mistress Bella says:
I met my lover at hotel room and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and I tied my lover’s eyes. When I opened his eyes, he only could looked at me didn’t say a word and we had wild sex all night.
Married Britney says:
I sent the kids to my mother’s house.I excited about having alone time with my husband. Had the lights dim, candles going, I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos heels and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as my husband came to the door and saw me and said,”What’s for dinner, BATMAN?
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
A therapist has a hypothesis that married couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So she tests it at a conference by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half of the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less alive. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then she asks, “Well, how about once in a year?”
One middle aged man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is confused(this disproves her hypothesis). “If you make love only once a year,” she asks, “why are you so happy?”
The man yells, “Today is the day!”
One middle aged man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is confused(this disproves her hypothesis). “If you make love only once a year,” she asks, “why are you so happy?”
The man yells, “Today is the day!”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Harden waits outside of the delivery room for his wife Evelyn to give birth. The doctor comes out and tells the new dad that his son was born without arms or legs. The son has only have a body ! But still Harden loves his son and raises him to the best of his ability, with love and compassion. After seventeen years later, on Father’s Day, Harden decides that the son is old enough for his first drink and so Harden takes him to the pub and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.
Harden orders up the strongest schnapps for his son. With all the pub customers looking on curiously and the barman shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first gulp of alcohol. Whooopppss! Young boy’s body grew and turned out beard !
The pub is deadly silence at first and then bursts into pandemonium with whoops of joy. Harden is baffled and begs his son to drink again. The customers begin to chant “Take another schnaps”! The barman still shakes his head in dismay.
Whooopppss! Two arms suddenly pop out. The pub goes even wilder. Harden is now crying and begs his son to drink again. Customers chant, “Take another schnaps”! The barman ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his glass and swigs what’s left of it. Whooopppss! Two legs pop out.
The pub is now in a dream, going utterly wild. Harden falls to his knees and thanks God with tears on his eyes. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the right and then to the left… Then the boy stumbles right out through the front door into the street, where a bus runs over him and he’s killed instantly.
The pub falls silent in shock. Harden moans quietly in grief.
The barman sighs and says to Harden, “Boy was only seventeen, you shouldn’t have let him drink .”
Harden orders up the strongest schnapps for his son. With all the pub customers looking on curiously and the barman shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first gulp of alcohol. Whooopppss! Young boy’s body grew and turned out beard !
The pub is deadly silence at first and then bursts into pandemonium with whoops of joy. Harden is baffled and begs his son to drink again. The customers begin to chant “Take another schnaps”! The barman still shakes his head in dismay.
Whooopppss! Two arms suddenly pop out. The pub goes even wilder. Harden is now crying and begs his son to drink again. Customers chant, “Take another schnaps”! The barman ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his glass and swigs what’s left of it. Whooopppss! Two legs pop out.
The pub is now in a dream, going utterly wild. Harden falls to his knees and thanks God with tears on his eyes. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the right and then to the left… Then the boy stumbles right out through the front door into the street, where a bus runs over him and he’s killed instantly.
The pub falls silent in shock. Harden moans quietly in grief.
The barman sighs and says to Harden, “Boy was only seventeen, you shouldn’t have let him drink .”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Barack, Hillary and Donald are standing in front of the throne of heaven. Almighty God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I want to ask you what you have learned and what you believe in.”
God asks Barack first: “Son, What do you believe in?”
Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my citizens.”
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Hillary and asks, “And what do you believe in?”
Hillary calculates for a while and then says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Barack I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American.”
God is greatly moved by Hillary’s eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Trump and asks, “And you, Donald, what do you believe in?”
Donald replies, “I believe that, you are in my seat.”
God asks Barack first: “Son, What do you believe in?”
Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my citizens.”
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Hillary and asks, “And what do you believe in?”
Hillary calculates for a while and then says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Barack I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American.”
God is greatly moved by Hillary’s eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Trump and asks, “And you, Donald, what do you believe in?”
Donald replies, “I believe that, you are in my seat.”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. He decided that a few disciple would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Three days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: “Who is it?” “It’s Mark” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Mark?” “Marijuana from Colombia” “Very well son, come in.”
Another soft knock is heard. “Who is it?” “It’s Matthew” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Matthew?” “Cocaine from Mexica” “Very well son, come in.”
At the next knock Jesus asks, “Who is it?” “It’s John” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring John?” “Crystal meth from Los Angeles” “Very well son, come in.”
Someone starts pounding on the door. “Who is it?” “It’s Judas” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Judas?” “Freeze! This is the FBI!”
Three days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: “Who is it?” “It’s Mark” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Mark?” “Marijuana from Colombia” “Very well son, come in.”
Another soft knock is heard. “Who is it?” “It’s Matthew” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Matthew?” “Cocaine from Mexica” “Very well son, come in.”
At the next knock Jesus asks, “Who is it?” “It’s John” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring John?” “Crystal meth from Los Angeles” “Very well son, come in.”
Someone starts pounding on the door. “Who is it?” “It’s Judas” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Judas?” “Freeze! This is the FBI!”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
“Hello?”, “Hi sweety. This is Daddy.Could you give the phone to your Mommy if she is near the phone?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ben.”
After a short pause, Daddy says, “But sweety, you haven’t got an Uncle Ben.”
“Oh yes I have and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Short Pause,again. “Ah umm, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
“I did it Daddy.”She says.
“And what happened sweety?”Daddy asked.
Well, Mommy screamed, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around. Then she tripped over the carpet, hit her head on the console and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Jesus Christ! What about your Uncle Ben?”
“He jumped out of the bed all naked, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the floor of the pool and I think he does not breath now.”
Silence…Silence…Silence for a long time…
Then Daddy says,
“Swimming pool? Is this 356-8769?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ben.”
After a short pause, Daddy says, “But sweety, you haven’t got an Uncle Ben.”
“Oh yes I have and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Short Pause,again. “Ah umm, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
“I did it Daddy.”She says.
“And what happened sweety?”Daddy asked.
Well, Mommy screamed, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around. Then she tripped over the carpet, hit her head on the console and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Jesus Christ! What about your Uncle Ben?”
“He jumped out of the bed all naked, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the floor of the pool and I think he does not breath now.”
Silence…Silence…Silence for a long time…
Then Daddy says,
“Swimming pool? Is this 356-8769?”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
The finals of the International Poetry Contest this year came down to two finalists.One was a University Of Oxford graduate from an jet set family; aristocratic, sociable and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a suburban from Bucharest State University. Fill in the blanks.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word “Timbuktu.”
The Oxford graduate went first. About twenty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
The crowd went wild! How, they wondered if the suburban could top that?! The clock started again and the suburban sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
“Tim and me,a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three, we were two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.”
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word “Timbuktu.”
The Oxford graduate went first. About twenty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
The crowd went wild! How, they wondered if the suburban could top that?! The clock started again and the suburban sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
“Tim and me,a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three, we were two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
A police was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The police carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, watching an entertaining video on computer. He immediately notices a young girl in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.
The young guy lowers his window. “Oh, yes, officer?”
The police says: “What are you doing?”
The young guy says: “Well Officer, I’m watching something on computer.”
Pointing towards the young girl in the back seat the cop says: “And her, what is she doing?”
The young guy shrugs: “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.”
Now, the police is totally surprised.A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s lane… and nothing obscene is happening!
The officer asks: “What’s your age, young man?”
The young guy says “I’m twenty three, sir.”
The police asks: “And her…what’s her age?”
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
“She will be eighteen in nine minutes.”
The police carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, watching an entertaining video on computer. He immediately notices a young girl in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.
The young guy lowers his window. “Oh, yes, officer?”
The police says: “What are you doing?”
The young guy says: “Well Officer, I’m watching something on computer.”
Pointing towards the young girl in the back seat the cop says: “And her, what is she doing?”
The young guy shrugs: “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.”
Now, the police is totally surprised.A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s lane… and nothing obscene is happening!
The officer asks: “What’s your age, young man?”
The young guy says “I’m twenty three, sir.”
The police asks: “And her…what’s her age?”
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
“She will be eighteen in nine minutes.”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
On a dark day Albert Einstein dies but of course he goes to heaven, but he only to be informed that his room is not yet ready.
“I hope you will not mind waiting in a guest dormitory.
We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others” he is told by the doorman angel.
Albert says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss.
So the angel leads him to the guest dormitory.
They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.
“See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 140!”
“That’s amazing!” says Albert.
“We can discuss physics !”
“And here is your second room mate.
His IQ is 190 !”
“That’s amazing !” says Albert.
“We can discuss quantum !”
“And here is your third room mate.
His IQ is 110!”
“That’s cool !
We can discuss the latest plays at the theaters and cinemas !”
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it.
“I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 70.”
Einstein smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think bank interest rates are headed?”
“I hope you will not mind waiting in a guest dormitory.
We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others” he is told by the doorman angel.
Albert says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss.
So the angel leads him to the guest dormitory.
They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.
“See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 140!”
“That’s amazing!” says Albert.
“We can discuss physics !”
“And here is your second room mate.
His IQ is 190 !”
“That’s amazing !” says Albert.
“We can discuss quantum !”
“And here is your third room mate.
His IQ is 110!”
“That’s cool !
We can discuss the latest plays at the theaters and cinemas !”
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it.
“I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 70.”
Einstein smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think bank interest rates are headed?”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
A Manchester United fan dies on match day and goes to the heaven in his Red jersey. He knocks on the old golden gates and sees St. Peter.
He says; “Hello mate.” St. Peter;”I’m sorry, no Man United fans in heaven.” The guy astonished and screams;“What?”
St.Peter; “You heard,no Man United fans in heaven.” “But,oh come on,I’ve been a good man in my life”, answers the United supporter. “Oh really”, says St.Peter. “What have you done, then?” “Well” said the supporter, “One month before I died,I sent fifty pounds to the starving children in Somali”. “Oh” says St.Peter. “Anything else?” “Well, three weeks before I died, I also gave fifty pounds to a homeless guy.” “Hmmm. Anything else?” “Yeah. A week before I died, I sent fifty pounds to the Society For The Protection Of Children.” “Okay”, said St. Peter, “OK.Please wait here a minute while I speak with the god.” Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks at the Manchester United fan’s eye and says, “I’ve talked with God and he exactly agrees with me. Here’s your a hundred fifty back, now get the f..k outta here
He says; “Hello mate.” St. Peter;”I’m sorry, no Man United fans in heaven.” The guy astonished and screams;“What?”
St.Peter; “You heard,no Man United fans in heaven.” “But,oh come on,I’ve been a good man in my life”, answers the United supporter. “Oh really”, says St.Peter. “What have you done, then?” “Well” said the supporter, “One month before I died,I sent fifty pounds to the starving children in Somali”. “Oh” says St.Peter. “Anything else?” “Well, three weeks before I died, I also gave fifty pounds to a homeless guy.” “Hmmm. Anything else?” “Yeah. A week before I died, I sent fifty pounds to the Society For The Protection Of Children.” “Okay”, said St. Peter, “OK.Please wait here a minute while I speak with the god.” Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks at the Manchester United fan’s eye and says, “I’ve talked with God and he exactly agrees with me. Here’s your a hundred fifty back, now get the f..k outta here
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Barbara has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God.
“Will I die?” she asked.
“Not yet,” God replied, “You will live for another thirty five years,three months, and seven days.”
At this instant, she snapped back alive. After the heart attack, she decides to make the most of her life.
She gets a face lift,botox, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even gets a surgery to change the color of her hair.
After her final surgery, she walks out and gets hit by a truck and dies. When she goes up in heaven and meets God, she’s steaming.
“What was that!?”Barbara asked.
“What?” God responded, “You died.”
“You said I would live another thirty five years!”
“Oh.” God thought for a while.
“I didn’t recognize you.”
“Will I die?” she asked.
“Not yet,” God replied, “You will live for another thirty five years,three months, and seven days.”
At this instant, she snapped back alive. After the heart attack, she decides to make the most of her life.
She gets a face lift,botox, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even gets a surgery to change the color of her hair.
After her final surgery, she walks out and gets hit by a truck and dies. When she goes up in heaven and meets God, she’s steaming.
“What was that!?”Barbara asked.
“What?” God responded, “You died.”
“You said I would live another thirty five years!”
“Oh.” God thought for a while.
“I didn’t recognize you.”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
A little boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, ‘This is the most foolish child in the world. Watch me.I prove it to you.’
The barber puts a dollar banknote in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That child never learns!’ Two hours later the customer sees the same young boy coming out of the candy shop.
‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar banknote?’ The boy licked his candy and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!’
The barber puts a dollar banknote in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That child never learns!’ Two hours later the customer sees the same young boy coming out of the candy shop.
‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar banknote?’ The boy licked his candy and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!’
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
The 5th grade elementary art teacher said:
– Listen all, we will draw pictures of animals.You can draw whatever you want.
After 5 minutes little Brian raised his hand,the teacher came over. Teacher saw a fly on the Brian’s paper and chased it with his hand, but the animal never moved. When he looked more carefully, teacher noticed that it was not real and that it was just a fly image.The teacher amazed,talked with excitedly:
– Brian,you drew this picture?
– Yes, teacher.
– Well, let’s make a elephant.
Little Brian drew a elephant picture that; The elephant was so vibrant that it would pop out of paper. The teacher who was amazed, called out to the child:
– My son, take me to your father now. You are a wonderful talent. You do not have to wast your time here. You need to be transferred to the fine arts immediately. I have to speak to your father.
After the last lesson, the teacher came along with Brian. Through a narrow path, they came to a shack.
The teacher who came in with the child started talking when he saw a man who was groaning in bed:
– I hope you’ll get better soon sir.
– Thank you.
– I am your son’s teacher…
– God damn my son!
– Oh, sir, do not say that, the pictures he made…
-I do not want to hear anything about his pictures…
– But sir, he is such a talented child…
– Do not tell me his talent!
– Well, what happened, why are you so angry with your son?
– Let me tell you why I am angry with my son! I came home a little bit late last night. There was a naked woman picture on the hot stove which has drawn by that asshole!
– Listen all, we will draw pictures of animals.You can draw whatever you want.
After 5 minutes little Brian raised his hand,the teacher came over. Teacher saw a fly on the Brian’s paper and chased it with his hand, but the animal never moved. When he looked more carefully, teacher noticed that it was not real and that it was just a fly image.The teacher amazed,talked with excitedly:
– Brian,you drew this picture?
– Yes, teacher.
– Well, let’s make a elephant.
Little Brian drew a elephant picture that; The elephant was so vibrant that it would pop out of paper. The teacher who was amazed, called out to the child:
– My son, take me to your father now. You are a wonderful talent. You do not have to wast your time here. You need to be transferred to the fine arts immediately. I have to speak to your father.
After the last lesson, the teacher came along with Brian. Through a narrow path, they came to a shack.
The teacher who came in with the child started talking when he saw a man who was groaning in bed:
– I hope you’ll get better soon sir.
– Thank you.
– I am your son’s teacher…
– God damn my son!
– Oh, sir, do not say that, the pictures he made…
-I do not want to hear anything about his pictures…
– But sir, he is such a talented child…
– Do not tell me his talent!
– Well, what happened, why are you so angry with your son?
– Let me tell you why I am angry with my son! I came home a little bit late last night. There was a naked woman picture on the hot stove which has drawn by that asshole!
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
A CEO (member of Fortune 500) throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his spectacular mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry crocodiles. The CEO says to his executives “I think an executive should be measured by bravery. Bravery is what made me a CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough brave to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that man everything they desire. My job, money, house anything!”
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Abruptly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CAO (Chief Administrative Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the crocodiles left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a giant crocodile snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CAO and says, “You are incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.”
The CAO, panting for breath, looks up and says, “You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!”
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Abruptly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CAO (Chief Administrative Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the crocodiles left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a giant crocodile snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CAO and says, “You are incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.”
The CAO, panting for breath, looks up and says, “You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!”
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Charles, Paul, Jose and Boris went to golf together on sunday; three guys headed to the first tee and Boris went into the club house to take care of the bill.The three men started talking, about their sons.
Charles told the others, “My son is a building contractor and he is so successful that he gave a new flat to a friend, for free.”
Paul said, “My son is a car salesman and now he owns a big salesmanship. He is so successful that he gave an expensive Audi to his friend.”
Jose,don’t want to be out bragged, “My son is a broker and he is doing so well that he gave an entire stock portfolio to his friend.”
Boris joined to his friends on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
Charles mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
Boris replied, “Well, my son is gay. I”m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house,a brand new car, and a stock portfolio.”
Charles told the others, “My son is a building contractor and he is so successful that he gave a new flat to a friend, for free.”
Paul said, “My son is a car salesman and now he owns a big salesmanship. He is so successful that he gave an expensive Audi to his friend.”
Jose,don’t want to be out bragged, “My son is a broker and he is doing so well that he gave an entire stock portfolio to his friend.”
Boris joined to his friends on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
Charles mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
Boris replied, “Well, my son is gay. I”m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house,a brand new car, and a stock portfolio.”