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Daily Smile thread
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ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
UNAVOIDABLE LAWS
These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of ‘being watched’ is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning or soon thereafter, you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Happens every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water or in the shower, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of ‘being watched’ is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning or soon thereafter, you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Happens every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water or in the shower, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Back when I was a new person at USPS, there was an older, very skinny man who would shuffle up to my truck almost every day with an assortment of pennies, nickles, or dimes. He needed me to exchange the loose change for a solid quarter so he could buy a cup of coffee. No problem. I'd give him his quarter and he'd hurry across the street to the cafe to get a cup.
One day on my lunch break I saw the same man sitting with a lean on a bench outside a local hamburger place. It was a very cold day and he looked like he was about to fall over from hunger.
I said, "Excuse me sir, are you hungry? I have an extra hamburger if you'd like it."
With tear stained eyes, and trembling lips he said, "Yes, Sir, If you don't mind ..."
I quickly handed him the sandwich and ran off to work, with his look of sadness and desperation etched into my brain.
After that, the man stopped showing up to the truck to ask for his change exchanged for a quarter.
Where was he? Was he okay?
His sad eyes had been etched into my conscious and I was so hopeful that he was warm and that he had good food in his belly.
A week passed and I got a strange phone call at my station. It was an attendant at a nursing home who wanted me to come and see my uncle.
My uncle? I don't have an uncle in a nursing home.
"Sir, he's very insistent and he doesn't have much time."
Oh wow. I felt that familiar tugging at my heart and so I left work to spend some time with this man.
I got to the nursing home and it was the Quarter Man!
With those same tear stained eyes, he extended a hand and beckoned me closer. I couldn't hear what he said, so he wiggled his bony finger to tell me to put my ear up to his mouth.
I did.
That's when, right before he passed away, he said, "Who the hell orders a quarter pounder without cheese, you prick."
I bet you thought this was going to be a nice little heart-warming story. Too bad. I made it all up, now go back to work.
One day on my lunch break I saw the same man sitting with a lean on a bench outside a local hamburger place. It was a very cold day and he looked like he was about to fall over from hunger.
I said, "Excuse me sir, are you hungry? I have an extra hamburger if you'd like it."
With tear stained eyes, and trembling lips he said, "Yes, Sir, If you don't mind ..."
I quickly handed him the sandwich and ran off to work, with his look of sadness and desperation etched into my brain.
After that, the man stopped showing up to the truck to ask for his change exchanged for a quarter.
Where was he? Was he okay?
His sad eyes had been etched into my conscious and I was so hopeful that he was warm and that he had good food in his belly.
A week passed and I got a strange phone call at my station. It was an attendant at a nursing home who wanted me to come and see my uncle.
My uncle? I don't have an uncle in a nursing home.
"Sir, he's very insistent and he doesn't have much time."
Oh wow. I felt that familiar tugging at my heart and so I left work to spend some time with this man.
I got to the nursing home and it was the Quarter Man!
With those same tear stained eyes, he extended a hand and beckoned me closer. I couldn't hear what he said, so he wiggled his bony finger to tell me to put my ear up to his mouth.
I did.
That's when, right before he passed away, he said, "Who the hell orders a quarter pounder without cheese, you prick."
I bet you thought this was going to be a nice little heart-warming story. Too bad. I made it all up, now go back to work.
I have a fear of pantomime giants, Feefiphobia.
Oh no you haven't................
Oh yes I have.
