Daily Smile thread

[ricko]

The English teacher was trying to explain the meaning of the word "frugal" to the class. She explained how if you're frugal that means that you save.
She set homework for the children to each write a short story using the word "frugal".
Next day she asked little Johnny to come to the front of the class to read out his story, which went as follows:

"One day a knight was riding through the forest, riding his great white horse and dressed in his best armour, looking for dragons to kill.
Suddenly as he came into a clearing he heard the sound of crying, and there he saw a beautiful young girl tied to a tree.
When she saw him she cried out "Frugal me, Frugal me"
So he did, he frugalled her, and they lived happily ever after.

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[ianrobbo1]

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
In addition, please also accept my best wishes for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great (not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country or area of choice), and without limitation by race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual orientation.
This latter wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. "holiday" is not intended to be limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).
Please note that by accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
(i) This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all.
(ii) This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wisher him/herself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non- implementation of it.

This greeting is void where prohibited by law.

Alternatively:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

 

[T.C]

 

[ianrobbo1]

I was at the pet store yesterday and the young salesgirl approached me and asked if I needed help with my Christmas shopping ?

"I'm really interested in these," I said, pointing at the cages of bunny rabbits.

"Ohh, that's so cute," she said, "A gift for your son, or daughter ?"

"No, my python."

 

[T.C]

 

[ianrobbo1]

 

[ianrobbo1]

 

[ianrobbo1]

 

[andyBeaker]

 

[andyBeaker]

 

[andyBeaker]

 

[T.C]

 

[Jaws]

.A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.



Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you OK?”



The woman replied, “I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition, whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”



The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious “I have never heard of that condition before” he said “are you taking anything for it?”

The woman nodded,



"Pepper." ...

 

[T.C]

A woman sees a beautiful parrot in a shop on sale for £1.

She asks, "Why is this parrot so cheap?"

The petstore clerk explains, "This parrot lived in a whorehouse until three months ago. He has a filthy mouth."

The lady takes pity on the parrot and buys him. She takes him home and the parrot exclaims, "Holy fuck, a new whorehouse!"

Her two daughters walk in and the parrot exclaims, "Holy fuck, two new whores!"

Her husband walks in and the parrot exclaims, "Holy fuck, Bob, I haven't seen you in ages!"

 

[ianrobbo1]

Or in a "certain" persons garage an UNbroken 14 mm spanner eh?? Grant!!

 

[sr71caspar]

 

[andyBeaker]

 

[Jaws]