• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.50 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

T.C

Been there, and had one
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My girlfriend came into the room all excited and said, "My friend said she saw you going into the jewellers and the florists yesterday! What are you planning?"
"Well I was planning to have a shit but none of those shops let me use their toilet."

This woman just came up to me and said " I'm going to cut off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in the library "
I said " that's a turn up for the books".

The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees" so I did...
Now I can't open it because the door faces the wall...

I was in a clothes shop and I picked out a really nice shirt, then I went over to the woman standing by the changing rooms.
"Mind if I try it on?" I asked.
"No, go ahead."
I said, "You've got great tits."

Do you know what gives children a bad name?
Parents like Bob Geldof and Jamie Oliver!!

The pub is a 10 minute walk from my house, but my house is a 45 minute walk from the pub...
What's that all about?

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the midwife, I pulled her aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
She winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in 10 minutes - meet me in the car park!"

Wife: What was that noise?...
Me: My shirt fell....
Wife: It sounded a lot heavier than your shirt??
Me: Yes, I was in it....

Got myself a Pensioners Satnav.
Not only does it tell me how to get there, it also tells me why I wanted to go in the first place!

Enter new password:
'chicken'
Password must contain a capital:
'chickenkiev'

My sex life is like a Ferrari.
I don’t have a Ferrari

Before you mock kids who still believe is Santa.
Remember there are still adults who believe everything they read on Facebook!
 

Cougar377

Express elevator to hell
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
A trio of flat track styled bikes from Mule Motorcycles in France....

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