• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.50 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
There is a small island in the Scottish Highlands, the population is about 40 people, they rely on fishing & farming to feed themselves however they have a problem & that is that the fishing attracts loads of seabirds, particularly terns, the terns get very brave & have been known to attack the fishermen.
The islanders gathered in the village hall to discuss how to get rid of the problem, one of the residents is a well known rock star who uses the tranquility of the island to help with his song writing & he stood & declared that he could get hold of as much cannabis as they needed, “how will that help?” Asked the islanders, the rock star said “my plan is to put piles of cannabis four feet apart on the top of the cliff & burn the lot, the birds will breathe it in. “What will that achieve?” They asked, he replied “I’ll leave no tern unstoned”
 

Cougar377

Express elevator to hell
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
There is a small island in the Scottish Highlands, the population is about 40 people, they rely on fishing & farming to feed themselves however they have a problem & that is that the fishing attracts loads of seabirds, particularly terns, the terns get very brave & have been known to attack the fishermen.
The islanders gathered in the village hall to discuss how to get rid of the problem, one of the residents is a well known rock star who uses the tranquility of the island to help with his song writing & he stood & declared that he could get hold of as much cannabis as they needed, “how will that help?” Asked the islanders, the rock star said “my plan is to put piles of cannabis four feet apart on the top of the cliff & burn the lot, the birds will breathe it in. “What will that achieve?” They asked, he replied “I’ll leave no tern unstoned”
GROAN button please..!
 

Duck n Dive

Rebel without a clue ...
Club Sponsor
I like the sentiment, but in fairness I don't think anyone as such actually stopped them crossing the channel. It was the weather conditions wasn't it?
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 75 year old woman gave birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet" said the 75 year old mother, "but soon."

Thirty minutes passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"Not yet" said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they again asked, "May we see the baby now?"
"No", replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"
"WHEN IT CRIES", she told them.

"WHEN IT CRIES??", they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES??."
"BECAUSE...because I forgot where I put it."
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
My kids threw up after I told them I'd put Ginger in the curry.

They loved that cat.
...................................................................................

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?



Deep pan, crisp and even.
 
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