• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.50 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer was obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by both the King and Queen as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . .

The moral of the story... pay your frickin' bills.
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building
to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist
Church across the street started a campaign to block the business from
expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their
church. Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the
grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the
ground!

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the
church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power
of prayer."

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the
church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the
church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and
her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or
means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied
any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the
defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know
how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the
paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in
the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's
all bull!"
 

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
Told the wife I was thinking of taking her to the Bahamas again, she said “Again? I’ve never been to the Bahamas” I said “I know but I’ve thought about it before.
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
Why does it bring me to page 1????
Only saw parrot joke now:eek:
If there has not been another post since your last visit to the thread is will default to the first page.
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
During the last week, residents of Brockhurst Road in Gosport have complained to police as a man disturbed the peace on various mornings.

The driver, from Fareham, were heard screaming "wakey wakey" through a megaphone at 2am on the street last week.


lumpy , you bored mate ??
 
Top