"What you in for pal?"
"Murder. You?"
"Went for two runs last Wednesday!"
I have a new neighbour who moved in last week.
She has just come round and brought some really nice homemade chocolate to say hello.
What's her name I hear you ask?
It's Lynn...
Lynn Door
Traumatic day yesterday.
I was reading a book on climate change when suddenly the last 40 pages fell out.
When I took it back to Waterstones to complain they immediately called an ambulance and rushed me to hospital.
Apparently I had a ruptured appendix....
I went to my local book store and asked if they had any books on turtles.
“Hard back?” The worker asked
“Yes!” I replied “with little heads”
Looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess, smoking a roll up, cocked her leg & let out a massive fart.
"You're a fucking mess!"
She said, "I'm still the woman you love & married.
Sometimes we do let ourselves go a bit."
"We're on our fucking honeymoon!"
I got drunk the other night and ended up shagging a fat bird.
The next morning I said, "Here, if you want to see me again, ring this number.
" She said, "Aawww, men don't usually give me their numbers."
I said, "It's not mine, it's fucking Weight Watchers!"
If you receive an email or WhatsApp with the subject 'Ding dong' dont open it...
It's Jehovahs Witnesses working from home!
Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet a female with hand sanitizer...
For good clean fun!
I answered the door this morning.
A 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a fat twat...
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!
"Murder. You?"
"Went for two runs last Wednesday!"
I have a new neighbour who moved in last week.
She has just come round and brought some really nice homemade chocolate to say hello.
What's her name I hear you ask?
It's Lynn...
Lynn Door
Traumatic day yesterday.
I was reading a book on climate change when suddenly the last 40 pages fell out.
When I took it back to Waterstones to complain they immediately called an ambulance and rushed me to hospital.
Apparently I had a ruptured appendix....
I went to my local book store and asked if they had any books on turtles.
“Hard back?” The worker asked
“Yes!” I replied “with little heads”
Looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess, smoking a roll up, cocked her leg & let out a massive fart.
"You're a fucking mess!"
She said, "I'm still the woman you love & married.
Sometimes we do let ourselves go a bit."
"We're on our fucking honeymoon!"
I got drunk the other night and ended up shagging a fat bird.
The next morning I said, "Here, if you want to see me again, ring this number.
" She said, "Aawww, men don't usually give me their numbers."
I said, "It's not mine, it's fucking Weight Watchers!"
If you receive an email or WhatsApp with the subject 'Ding dong' dont open it...
It's Jehovahs Witnesses working from home!
Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet a female with hand sanitizer...
For good clean fun!
I answered the door this morning.
A 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a fat twat...
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!
