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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
..........
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
..........
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Old man goes to the doctor's with real bad constipation
The doctor gives him some supositorys and tells him to put them up his back passage and come back in 3 days
When the old man returns the doctor asks him how his "problem" is
"Just as bad" says the old man "I aint got a back passage so I put them in the back garden and the cat ran off with them!"
The doctor gives him some supositorys and tells him to put them up his back passage and come back in 3 days
When the old man returns the doctor asks him how his "problem" is
"Just as bad" says the old man "I aint got a back passage so I put them in the back garden and the cat ran off with them!"
The young lad overheard mum telling dad that his older sister was getting engaged. He didn’t know what that meant.
So, he asked his dad “ what does getting engaged mean?”
“Well son” said dad, struggling to tell his lad exactly what it meant without getting too explicit.
“Remember Christmas 2 years ago, we bought you a new pushbike? You were allowed to see it and clean and polish it, but you weren’t allowed to actually ride it until Christmas Day?”
the young lad thought about it for a bit, nodded and then said to his dad
“Yes dad, I remember it well. I pumped the tyres up. I washed it. I polished it. However I didn’t ride it.”
“But you did allow me to push it up the back passage now and again’
So, he asked his dad “ what does getting engaged mean?”
“Well son” said dad, struggling to tell his lad exactly what it meant without getting too explicit.
“Remember Christmas 2 years ago, we bought you a new pushbike? You were allowed to see it and clean and polish it, but you weren’t allowed to actually ride it until Christmas Day?”
the young lad thought about it for a bit, nodded and then said to his dad
“Yes dad, I remember it well. I pumped the tyres up. I washed it. I polished it. However I didn’t ride it.”
“But you did allow me to push it up the back passage now and again’
Quiney
Registered User
How do you know it's a female fruit cake.
It has no nuts.
What's the difference between snowmen and snow-women?
Snowballs
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Not here he's not.
Not around here !!
Even staunch labourites refuse to vote for him..
Corbyn seems to be the best thing that ever happened.... to the conservatives !
Even those swayed by Corbyn’s lies are doubtful when Abbott opens her gob & swallows her foot.