Daily Smile thread

[Squag1]

How do you know it's a female fruit cake.



It has no nuts.

 

[andyBeaker]

What did Sean Connery say when a load of books fell on his head?

"I've only got my shelf to blame"

 

[andyBeaker]

 

[T.C]

View attachment 46884

We will bounce back.

 

[Jaws]

 

[andyBeaker]

We will bounce back.

Chuck another couple of £BN at it while UEFA continue to look the other way' no problem.....

 

[T.C]

A little boy asks his dad, "What's between mum's legs?"
His father answers, "Paradise, my son."
The son asks, "What's between your legs?"
His father replies, "The key to paradise!"
The son says, "A piece of advice, dad: change the lock, the man next door has a spare key!"

The person who does sign language on the BBC news has been sacked.
This was due to a serious incident in Cockermouth!!

I've just taken on a new Japanese chef at my restaurant.
He's off to a frying start.

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[derek kelly]

Chuck another couple of £BN at it while UEFA continue to look the other way' no problem.....

Pot, kettle.

 

[andyBeaker]

Pot, kettle.

How so??

United operate within FFP.

City and PSG run rings round it with massively over inflated sponsorship deals from 'mates'. UEFA haven't the balls to do anything about it.

 

[derek kelly]

How so??

United operate within FFP.

City and PSG run rings round it with massively over inflated sponsorship deals from 'mates'. UEFA haven't the balls to do anything about it.

You believe what you want to believe.

 

[andyBeaker]

 

[Squag1]

Guy in court for illicit distilling in the hills.
But judge I didn't have any poteen.
Judge says but you were found with all the equipment and imposed a hefty fine.
The yer man says - Judge I want you to include a charge of rape.

Judge says - but there no charge for rape

Yer man says - but I have the equipment

 

[T.C]

A group of blokes outside a pub and a women walks by. One says to his mates, "I'd give her one."
The woman replies, "I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on earth."
He answers, "Who said anything about sex? I was marking you out of ten, you ugly cow!"

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

 

[T.C]

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"
I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she’s an optician!"

 

[ianrobbo1]

What could possibly go wrong??

 

[ianrobbo1]