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Daily Smile thread
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ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky-dive.
When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump, so this big 6ft 7in instructor unzips his fly and says, "If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your ar$e".
Mick asks, "Did you jump?"
Paddy replies, "Just a little bit when it first went in".
When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump, so this big 6ft 7in instructor unzips his fly and says, "If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your ar$e".
Mick asks, "Did you jump?"
Paddy replies, "Just a little bit when it first went in".
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?
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Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?
Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, “I want to call my little baby Ellie.”
Nurse replies, “I’m sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?”My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her.
It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.
Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home.
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That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment.
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Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?
Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, “I want to call my little baby Ellie.”
Nurse replies, “I’m sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?”My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her.
It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.
Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home.
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That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment.
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
Doctor: I understand.
Patient: Understand what?Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Doctor: I understand.
Patient: Understand what?Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Oh typical - kiss and tell
Any good looking sheep in them there hills n dalesFeel free to bring on the Yorkshireman jokes
R
ricko
Guest
Any good looking sheep in them there hills n dales
Yep. Although I'm an expat Tyke I like to keep tabs on things.
The Minister of Agriculture was visiting a small hill farm, and in a field he noticed two small areas of grass that were fenced off.
"Ah" says he to the farmer, "Radiation from Chernobyl no doubt, you can't allow the sheep to graze there".
"Nope" says the farmer," I like to keep that apart to remind me of the best lay I ever had"
The Minister thinks he better humour this one, so he asks "Why is the second area fenced ?"
"That's where her mother stood and watched us"
"She stood and watched you !! What did she say ?"
"Baaaa"
The little buggers will come back and shit all over your lawn.