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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think oh shit it's the cops ?
My wife is doing a Parachute jump. I’m worried the chute won't open. Last time something that big hit the earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out.!
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
If the fridge and the TV are still working, why bother?
They should stock cash machines better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds.
My neighbour has recently been coming into our garden and stealing my beetroot...
This morning I caught him red handed.
I broke up with my ex-girlfriend after she told me she used to be a Christian.
It's not shallow it was shock I'd only ever known her as a Christine..
In protest at the lack of a furlough scheme for their profession, Britain's prostitutes have announced a general strike…..
They'll be downing tools at midnight.
A woman found her husband hanging in his bedroom.
There was a note on his bed which read, I can’t take the critisism anymore.
She quickly cut the rope and managed to revive him.
As he lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said....
That’s NOT how you spell criticism !
Petrol prices falling during the lockdown....is like a bald man winning a hairbrush!
A home schooling mum posted that her kid called her on the phone from his room and told her he missed the bus and won’t be in today.
Bagpipes are the only instrument that, when you learn to play them properly, sound exactly the same as when you started.
You won't see me panic buying toilet rolls like a an idiot.
I've still got hundreds from last time !!
Took a young lady to a restaurant the other night and she picked the most expensive meal on the menu.
I said,"Does your mother feed you like this at home?"
She replied, "No, but my mother isn't expecting a BJ tonight."
I said,"Good point, good point. Enjoy your meal."
On Halloween a kid knocked On my door dressed as Gloria Gaynor.
At first I was afraid........Then I was petrified!
My wife is doing a Parachute jump. I’m worried the chute won't open. Last time something that big hit the earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out.!
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
If the fridge and the TV are still working, why bother?
They should stock cash machines better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds.
My neighbour has recently been coming into our garden and stealing my beetroot...
This morning I caught him red handed.
I broke up with my ex-girlfriend after she told me she used to be a Christian.
It's not shallow it was shock I'd only ever known her as a Christine..
In protest at the lack of a furlough scheme for their profession, Britain's prostitutes have announced a general strike…..
They'll be downing tools at midnight.
A woman found her husband hanging in his bedroom.
There was a note on his bed which read, I can’t take the critisism anymore.
She quickly cut the rope and managed to revive him.
As he lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said....
That’s NOT how you spell criticism !
Petrol prices falling during the lockdown....is like a bald man winning a hairbrush!
A home schooling mum posted that her kid called her on the phone from his room and told her he missed the bus and won’t be in today.
Bagpipes are the only instrument that, when you learn to play them properly, sound exactly the same as when you started.
You won't see me panic buying toilet rolls like a an idiot.
I've still got hundreds from last time !!
Took a young lady to a restaurant the other night and she picked the most expensive meal on the menu.
I said,"Does your mother feed you like this at home?"
She replied, "No, but my mother isn't expecting a BJ tonight."
I said,"Good point, good point. Enjoy your meal."
On Halloween a kid knocked On my door dressed as Gloria Gaynor.
At first I was afraid........Then I was petrified!
