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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
I really should have used a safety razor
Worst suicide attempt ever.
Something for the Catholics....
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site
noticed the coarse language of the workers
and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk
with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and
walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other...... very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"
The worker yelled back,
"'Cause his wife's here with his lunch!"
Catholic dog......
Wee old lady went to her parish priest and asked him if he would say a Mass for her dog, as it had just died.
The priest said "No no I can't say a Mass for a dog!"
So she went to the Methodist Church and asked the Minister if he would have a Service of Remembrance for her recently deceased dog. He said, "Most certainly. It'll cost you £50.
She met the Parish Priest later and told him about the Methodist minister's reply and he said "Oh, you didn't tell me it was a Catholic dog."
The Irish Brothel......
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman. "Didn't I always say a fine bunch of hypocrites they are!"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the brothel door, knocks, and goes inside.
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi when they suddenly see their own Catholic priest knock on the brothel’s door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died!"
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site
noticed the coarse language of the workers
and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk
with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and
walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other...... very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"
The worker yelled back,
"'Cause his wife's here with his lunch!"
Catholic dog......
Wee old lady went to her parish priest and asked him if he would say a Mass for her dog, as it had just died.
The priest said "No no I can't say a Mass for a dog!"
So she went to the Methodist Church and asked the Minister if he would have a Service of Remembrance for her recently deceased dog. He said, "Most certainly. It'll cost you £50.
She met the Parish Priest later and told him about the Methodist minister's reply and he said "Oh, you didn't tell me it was a Catholic dog."
The Irish Brothel......
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman. "Didn't I always say a fine bunch of hypocrites they are!"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the brothel door, knocks, and goes inside.
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi when they suddenly see their own Catholic priest knock on the brothel’s door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died!"
