****MIDLANDS MEET - REVISED DETAILS*****

[Biker Babe]

oh dear, oh dear

what grave news this is..................

Maybe if your quick you could call on the help of supabird1100
{im a marine} for some assistance?

 

[Supabird1100]

A Setback Cyclops......

But take heart. I have spent some hours on the internet and located the scrapyard that your proud beast has been taken to. The Vauxhall went into the crusher first......and due to the large quantities of rust that the said Vauxhall possessed, the internal workings of the crusher have been jammed solid.......so the trusty Suzuki is awaiting your arrival.

A new route has been dispatched by our usual courier and will be waiting for you at the scrappie's yard.

The scrapyard owner will not be in the best of spirits when you arrive due to the impending repair bill for the crushing machine....... so I suggest a hasty departure and try to make up some lost time.

Steve (Maps-R-Us) Proud sponsor of the Cyclops Epic World Ride.

 

[gypsy]

apologies to Cyc for not being available to answer the earlier SOS call due to a hospital appointment but am now back on the case.
A quick call to Jaws resulted in him contacting the scrapyard owner and selling him 2 dozen tins of ACF 50 oil , 3 sets of brake pads and micro fibre cloth ! this in itself prompted the guy to ring me and offer free access to the bike if i stop Jaws selling him anything else.!
As i write a courier has arrived with what i believe to be the revised maps ( courtesy of Maps R Us ) and Steve (i'm a marine) unfortunately they should have been sent direct to CYCLOPS and not my home address ( get a grip Steve!)
I have now re-directed them to the co-ordinates given out by CYCLOPS patented cod piece gps system .
Hopefully he will contact us later with his last report of the day.


GOD SPEED

 

[Supabird1100]

Originally posted by gypsy
As i write a courier has arrived with what i believe to be the revised maps ( courtesy of Maps R Us ) and Steve (i'm a marine) unfortunately they should have been sent direct to CYCLOPS and not my home address ( get a grip Steve!)

The worry of poor Cyclops bike is getting to me, Gypsy.......I must have passed the wrong address to the courier !!!!! My thanks to you for re-directing them:bow: :bow:

The silence from our 'World Rider' is giving me cause for concern though.....I must now adjourn to the 'local ale house' for some liquid comfort.

Steve:beer:

 

[Cyclops]

Late Saturday evening update:

A massive thanks to Suprabird1100 (I?m A Marine) and Gypsy and of course Maps R Us for the new directions. These will be fed into my Cod Piece GPS system with Wot I am equipped.

I was lucky in being able to get a lift with a local farmer, I had to share the back of the truck with 2 pigs and a sheep (Bert will be jealous) I did remonstrate with the farmer about the terrible smell, but he said the pigs would not mind.

After an hours travel I was dropped off at the Scrap yard and was vastly relieved to see as Suprabird1100 (I?m a Marine) and Gypsy had said that my rusty err trusty steed was safe and well by the now defunct crushing machine.

I approached a really rough looking type with a moustache beard and loads of tattoos, I said excuse me I have come to pick my bike up,

Err I?ll away n ga me hubby she said, spat on me shoe, let out a ripsnorter of a fart turned and stomped off in the direction of into a decrepit looking wooden hut. uke:

Having nothing better to do I peered into the workings of the dead crushing machine and was able to see that it was coated with a deep layer of rust, it looked a bit like the Mars landscape in there.
Glinting in the dying rays of the sun was a shiny Vauxhall badge.

After a long and furious augment with the owner of the yard in which I managed to convince him that it was not my fault that the rusty car had knackered his crusher, he agreed to let me have my bike back.
I stowed my walking stick into the chromed stick holders (Donated by Jaws Motorcycles) and as I climbed into the saddle the day ended as it had began by starting to piss down with rain.

Wearily I turned the ignition key and thumbed the starter, the precision Suzuki V twin engine rumbled into life and settled into a steady beat. I turned on my Cod Piece GPS system and snicked the bike into 1st gear gunned the throttle and without a backward look headed off into the night in search of the nearest lay-by and a comfortable litterbin.

As ever I remain optimistic and armed with the new directions am now convinced that I will make Matlock by Friday the 12th.

Surly nothing more can go wrong. Can it? c7u8

Best Regards

Cyclops (World Rider)
:beer:

 

[R2B2]

Brill

where were you guys when the screenplay thread was in action??

Don't stop, now... :bow:

 

[Supabird1100]

Another Day Dawns................

So come on Cyclops...... get out of the waste bin and get back on the road !!!!

The directions you have should be sufficent to take you up to this evening.......but if your progress is better than expected, give me a shout and I'll get studying and plot the next stage of the route.

Are you holding up OK ??.....and is there anything we can send you to make life easier ???

Take Care

Steve (Maps-R-Us):beer:

 

[gypsy]

Doughtful that there will be an update today Super!

Cyclops recieved ( through mission control )a long awaited call early this morning that his lifelong friend Bert had at last got his
BUPA hospital appointment for his Penis extension operation .

As it was Berts wish to save money (by having a last minute cancellation) the timing couldn't have been worse , as you will appreciate the Traumas CYCLOPS has been through this last few days this was another hurdle for him to fall over !

But such is his character he will carry on as long as we keep him updated as to Berts health.


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
BERTS HEALTH UPDATE !

Bert has not been a lucky bunny by all accounts !

It transpires that the wrong medical notes were given to the surgeon conducting the operation which has led to Bert having a full sex change op instead !
The op was a success of sorts as Bert is sat up in bed and recovering .
Obviously he had some serious questions to ask!
as in WHO fecked up the notes ( apparently a private company deals with this side of things now "FILES R US" A subsiduary of "MAPS R US" OOPS!

And the main question
" WOULD I EVER HAVE AN ERECTION AGAIN?"

To which the surgeon assured him he would
" IT JUST WOULDN'T BE HIS !!"

So our thoughts and prayers must go to both of them today !

CYCLOPS - Go for it mate , not long to go now!

BERT - HI - DE- HI AND KEEP YOUR PECKER UP !

 

[Supabird1100]

Can Things.................

Get any worse for our intrepid World Rider ?????:dunno:

This is devastating news about his life-long buddy......and could be just the sort of thing that may push Cyclops over the edge. But we can only pray that he rises above it and this sad episode makes him stronger.

Go, go Cyclops.....we're all firmly behind you !!!! (something FB won't be...Firm anymore):} :}

Steve (Maps-R-Us)

 

[fat bert]

Panic not good people of Birdland~~~

Gypo's account is marginally innaccurate

The Penis Replacement Alternative Therapy Treatment [P.R.A.T.T.] has proved highly suc[k]sessful so with a glint in my eye [japs eye] I have now managed to "Pole Vault" myself across the Hospital Ward towards the "Discharge Desk" [motto Why have a A cup when we're a DD]

However, as a setback, upon examination the "discharge" from my enhanced manhood wasn't sufficient [nowt new there then] and I have been detained for another nights observation

Provided that I can prove, in the morning, that I observed sufficient smut on the web, I will be "suitably released" and in a better position to assist the One-Eyed Monster [aka Cyclops] in his epic voyage

All I can ask is that JAWS couriers me one of his famous 6mm spacers as I understand that it considerably stiffens up the rear end - and I believe this may help in my observation studies

Yours in Stiffness

FB

 

[Supabird1100]

Ahhhh...Some Heartening News, At Last !!!!!

We will pray for your continued recovery FB......and relay this news to our brave World Rider henceforth.

It will lift his spirits to learn that your predicament is not as bad as first thought. Once again the silence from 'Our Man On A Cruiser' is beginning to worry me.......and I can only hope the GPS Cod-Piece has not malfunctioned !!!!!

Come in Cyclops.....we await a report !!!!!!

Steve (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors of Cyclops !!!!!

 

[fat bert]

Supabird~~~

Chunky Monkey [Motto If it's there I'll eat it] and Gyppo ventured forth into the Derbyshire Mountains earlier today as a search party for our long lost e-pal Cyclops.

I too was able to join them as Gyppo has kindly loaned me his heated Crotch warmer [patented design pending] which enabled me to keep warm my surgically appended appendige]

It was a bit of a squeeze at first [well gyppo isn't big in all departments!!] but with the aid of a few bungie straps and fresh velcro I managed to mount my BIRD.

We scoured the hills in search of the lost soul but without success.

I too was fearing for his well-being but - panic not~~~~

We were advised by a local well-known Mudlands Medium - Mystic Stan [Motto If I knew next weeks six number I wouldn't be phooking about with you lot] to congregate at heart of Midlands Paranormal Activity [aka known as MacDonalds, Ashby] in a last ditch attempt to contact our beleaugered friend.

All three of us held hands [!!] together at this well known venue but without success

After considerable attempt to spiritually contact him [and several burgers later] we had a flash.

AT first we were unsure but then it became clear that indeed Chunky had dropped his leather cheekless biking hotpants and the moon was at "full phase"

We witnessed an incredible vision...............................How could an arse be so hairy - was this something that had escaped from Twycross or Chester Zoo?

No................

An apparition appeared on the Mac D's Menu board as if it were a plasma TV

There he was - Cyclops - complete with rusty....err....trusty Suzuki Steed

He was approaching the Nat West Cashpoint Machine

Surely NOT ...... removing cash funds from his considerably full bank account???

Phew - indeed not - he was actually trying to force ?10 notes INTO the machine - funds kindly donated by his not inconsiderable sponsors

We lost contact with him as they ran out of Chicken Supreme's but at least we know he is alive and very well - complete with bike

His detour to the Nat West Cashpoint may well hold him up though - will he make the Matlock meet in time?

 

[gypsy]

Regretably I feel that i must dissasociate myself and CHUNKY from the unoficial posting made this evening from Bert !

POINT1 =AT NO TIME WERE WE EVER HOLDING HANDS!

POINT 2= CHUNKY AT NO TIME DISROBED HIMSELF!

POINT 3 = AT NO TIME WAS CYCLOPS SPOTTED!


They are just fanciful ramblings and bare no resemblance to the truth !

So grow up Bert and stop being silly !!
















HI - DI - HI

 

[Supabird1100]

I Fear...............

A sleepless night is in store for me......the worry of the whereabouts our World Rider Cyclops will be too much......and I shall lay in the darkness and pray for his safety.

Steve (Maps-R-Us) Still proud sponsors of The World Rider.

 

[fat bert]

Gyppo~~

Can't say I didn't give you sufficient warning

If you will eat 12 x Big Macs - BSE will kick in and indeed has!!

Please stop hijacking this very important thread - we are waiting for an important update from our long lost brother

Your inane rambling are interupting our prayers and meditation

So PHOOK OFF!!

 

[gypsy]

That looks a dodgy field to put a tent up in Bert ?

 

[gypsy]

**LATEST NEWS**

I have just recieved a brief call from Cyclops explaining his late reporting today
Seems theres a electrical compatability problem with his gps cod piece and his latest bit of new equipment "The Comfy Crutch" (pat pending) This may also explain why the manual direction finder(the little ball on the handlebars) has been unrelible.

He assures me that report will be with us soon .

God Speed you brave brave man

 

[Cyclops]

Sunday Update:

Things are looking up as last night I was able to find a nice quite lay-by with a really comfortable double bin. It made a change to get decent nights sleep, despite the fact that it rained all night and at around 3.30am I had to bail my bin out as it was filling up rapidly.

More good news received this morning on my Cod Piece GPS system with wot I am equipped courtesy of Suprabird100 (I?m a Marine) and (Maps-R-US) is that Fat Bert, Chunky Monkey and Gypsy are riding out to see me. :beer:

Special thanks must go to Fat Bert who is recovering from a rather delicate operation which has apparently gone wrong.

He is also trying to avoid the local fraud squad as he took out a loan to get the operation done privately claiming he was having an extension which the building society took to mean to his house and not his dick. Understandably they are now wanting their money back or they will reposess the aforementioned extension.

They are bringing out much needed supplies for both myself and my rusty err trusty steed. Please see attached list:

2 x Pink tasselled Bar Ends (Jaws Motorcycles)
1 x Velcro pad for sticking my leg to foot peg
1 x Industrial sized tube of chrome cleaner
1 x ACF 50 Rust preventer (Jaws Motorcycles) Motto: which as those of you who use it knows does a fookin triffic job
1 x Industrial sized barrel of Corrosion Block grease.

Having been sent the infomation and programmed the unit I set off following the directions from my trusty Cod Piece GPS system courtesy of (Maps-R-Us) Ever proud sponsors, but it must have malfunctioned in some way. :B

It took me in totally the wrong direction and I ended up at MacDonald?s in Ashby, spotting a Nat west cash point so thought I would deposit some of the money donated by my wonderful sponsors. Have stuffed several thousand pounds into it I then turn my attention to getting some food. Having only eaten bacon cooked on the bike exhausts for the last 8 days. You can imagine my surprise and horror at what I spotted next, it was Fat Bert, Chunky Monkey and Gypsy all holding hands outside McDonalds.

They stayed like that for a few minutes and then Chunky Monkey who appeared to be dressed in what I can only describe as leather cheekess biking hot pants then bent over and proceeded dropped them exposing his hairy arse to the world.

This set off what I can only describe as an unfortunate chain of events when a women driving past fresh from the drive through spotted Chunkys arse and lost control of her car, she ploughed into the glass window and crashed into the counter smashed into the milk shake machine. This then started spewing out a never ending stream of fresh shakes. I could see the trainee behind the counter mouthing have a nice day as he was slowly engulfed by the rising tide of confectionary.

At the moment the place is full of police cars and ambulances, the fire service is desperately trying to pump out the milkshakes but is fighting a losing battle.

So no supplies as Fat Bert Chunky and Gypsy have all been arrested for gross indecency and wilful damage to property. Chunky has also been charged with being in charge of an offensive weapon. :dunno:

Would Suprabird1100 (I?m a Marine ) please send me a new Cod Piece GPS system as this one seems to have gone wrong. I have spotted a rather comfortable looking wheelie bin and I am going to retire there for the night.

Oh well yet another eventful day has gone by and still no closer to that Mecca of biking Matlock.

Best Regards


Cyclops (World Rider)

:beer:

 

[fat bert]

Soldier on mate~~

that's NOT a cue for Chunky to show his arse again!!!

Our prayers and thoughts are with you

PS Careful cos Monday is Wheelie Bin day in Ashby - wouldn't want you emptied!!!

 

[R2B2]

Ok you lucky Midland Mincers...

... or is it Poofters??

Anyway, whatever, if anybody wants super sausages let me know by no later that 12.00 midday thurs, as I'm bringing some for another secret sausage fan, and can bring for anybody.

Here's a list, but if you do order always quote at least one extra alternative choice because sometimes they have sold out of particular types.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

They change their production all the time and this is what's available at the mo.

Order by number wanted. 3 1/2 sausages to the pound approx.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

BEEF & GUINESS
Pure genius

ORLEANS SMOKEY (Gold award)
A hot jazz medley of Pork, peppers,garlic and chillies together with an enticing smokey flavour.

ITALIAN CONNECTION (Gold award)
A coarse cut Italian style sausage seasoned with pepper and hot paprika to give a spicy taste.

LAMB, APRICOT & ROSEMARY (Welsh champion)
Time honoured welsh dish, quality lamb blended with fresh Rosemary. A sunday lunch alternative.

TOBAGO SAUSAGE (Gold award)
with the spice of the Caribbean.

CUMBERLAND
A 180 year old family butchers recipe makes this pork sausage one of the best sellers.

OLD FASHIONED STYLE PORK (Gold award)
A thick coarse cut pork sausage made using an age old recipe.

TRADITIONAL FARMHOUSE (Welsh champion)
A coarse cut pork sausage, spicy & tasty, a memory of times gone by.

GARLIC SAUSAGE (Award winner)
An exquisite blend of pork combined with fresh herbs & garlic. Ideal for a tantilising starter.

COUNTRY HERB (Welsh champion)
Coarse cut pork sausages with a delicious flavour, packed full of herbs.

TRADITIONAL PORK
A pork sausage made the traditional way. Award winning in the South Wales Region.

THIN PORK, (kiddies special)

LOW FAT PORK SAUSAGES
The quintessential pork sausage. A blend of prime quality lean pork, traditionally spiced.

PORK & LEEK (Award winner)
A combination of pork and leeks - the Welsh Connection. Try this one in 'Toad in the Hole'

PORK AND APPLE WITH MATURE CIDER (New)
Coarse cut pork sausage with a delicious flavour. A combination of apples and matured cider. A sure winner in the future.

SPICY PORK (Award winning)
A coarse cut pork sausage with a fine selection of fresh spices, making this one for the connoisseur.

THE WELSH DRAGON (Award winning)
This new hot & spicy pork sausage will have you breathing fire! Quite hot.

BEEF & HONEY MUSTARD.
No description

BEEF & RED WINE
No descrip

MONGOLIAN FIRE POT.
Hot! No descrip

CHICKEN & GARLIC BUTTER
Thin sausage. No descrip