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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
I've got a copy of this, out of a magazine about 20 odd years ago, in a frame in my house.
Not the only thing upright...
I've got all the t-shirts..Don't wear em now.I've got a copy of this, out of a magazine about 20 odd years ago, in a frame in my house.
Not the T shirt or an ogri but from the same era, I recall the one with two buzzards sat there - one saying "patience my arse, I'm gonna kill something"
I recently lost my job at the school.
I got caught kissing the ugliest teacher in the whole school.
Gross Miss Conduct.
If you're always organising things, you have OCD.
If you're always eating things, you have OBCT.
Japanese blokes are a bit pushy, especially those fat one's who wear nappies!!
My wife asked if I knew that a butterfly only lived for a day.
I said ‘it's a myth.’
She said ‘No, it’s definitely a butterfly.’
I took the new bath I bought back to the shop.
"The water keeps running out!" "Did you put the plug in?"
"No, nobody told me it was electric"!!
If you’re a hostage and the gunman says “Who shall I shoot first?”
Saying, “It’s WHOM shall I shoot first?” Is not the best answer.
If you're wrong and shut up.... You are wise.....
If you're right and shut up... You are married....
My probation period at Boots ended yesterday when a customer came up to me and said "I've got a blocked nose, a sore throat and my head feels like it's going to explode.
Have you got anything?"
I said, "No mate, I feel fine!"
“Grandad can we go to McDonald’s”? “We can if you can spell it”
“Grandad, can we go to KFC”?
A man regained consciousness in hospital and hysterically yelled to the doctor that he couldn’t feel his legs.
The doctor replied “that’s because I’ve cut your arms off”.
With the schools closed due to covid.
Child: "Mummy, am I adopted"?
Mum: "not yet darling, I've only just put the ad in".
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater?
"That's the most violent book I've ever read."
A man attempted to hijack a bus load of Japanese tourists...
The police have 3,756 pictures of him.
I got caught kissing the ugliest teacher in the whole school.
Gross Miss Conduct.
If you're always organising things, you have OCD.
If you're always eating things, you have OBCT.
Japanese blokes are a bit pushy, especially those fat one's who wear nappies!!
My wife asked if I knew that a butterfly only lived for a day.
I said ‘it's a myth.’
She said ‘No, it’s definitely a butterfly.’
I took the new bath I bought back to the shop.
"The water keeps running out!" "Did you put the plug in?"
"No, nobody told me it was electric"!!
If you’re a hostage and the gunman says “Who shall I shoot first?”
Saying, “It’s WHOM shall I shoot first?” Is not the best answer.
If you're wrong and shut up.... You are wise.....
If you're right and shut up... You are married....
My probation period at Boots ended yesterday when a customer came up to me and said "I've got a blocked nose, a sore throat and my head feels like it's going to explode.
Have you got anything?"
I said, "No mate, I feel fine!"
“Grandad can we go to McDonald’s”? “We can if you can spell it”
“Grandad, can we go to KFC”?
A man regained consciousness in hospital and hysterically yelled to the doctor that he couldn’t feel his legs.
The doctor replied “that’s because I’ve cut your arms off”.
With the schools closed due to covid.
Child: "Mummy, am I adopted"?
Mum: "not yet darling, I've only just put the ad in".
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater?
"That's the most violent book I've ever read."
A man attempted to hijack a bus load of Japanese tourists...
The police have 3,756 pictures of him.
