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Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
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NO ONE EVER CAN WIN WITH A WOMAN...
This is Excellent!
Husband decided to do yoga.
As he was getting ready,
the wife wakes up and opened her eyes.
So the husband asked her-
"Honey would you like to join me for Yoga?"
Wife: "Do you mean to say I am fat?"
Husband: "No no. If you don't want to get up, it's OK."
Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"
Husband: "No. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean...."
Wife: "Aha! So I don't understand you, right?"
Husband: "Now look I didn't say that."
Wife: "So am I lying?!!"
Husband: "All right! Its best I also don't go for Yoga:
Wife: "See! You never wanted to go. Just wanted to blame me."
The husband quietly goes to sleep again.
WISHING ALL HUSBANDS HAPPY SLEEPING!
This is Excellent!
Husband decided to do yoga.
As he was getting ready,
the wife wakes up and opened her eyes.
So the husband asked her-
"Honey would you like to join me for Yoga?"
Wife: "Do you mean to say I am fat?"
Husband: "No no. If you don't want to get up, it's OK."
Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"
Husband: "No. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean...."
Wife: "Aha! So I don't understand you, right?"
Husband: "Now look I didn't say that."
Wife: "So am I lying?!!"
Husband: "All right! Its best I also don't go for Yoga:
Wife: "See! You never wanted to go. Just wanted to blame me."
The husband quietly goes to sleep again.
WISHING ALL HUSBANDS HAPPY SLEEPING!
This is a true story.
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
This is a true story.
Why the epic face-palm.?
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
They say cows farting causes more pollution than all the cars in the World, as we all know cows eat vegetation, now let’s see what else eats vegetation....oh yes, vegans & vegetarians, so it is safe to say that cows, vegans & vegetarians produce more pollution than all the cars in the World, now the thing about cows is they serve a useful purpose, they provide milk, beautiful meat & make nice coats, shoes, belts, handbags, sofas etc but what purpose do vegans & vegetarians serve?....nope, can’t think of any so how do we make a vegan or vegetarian useful? The answer is quite simple, we could hunt them, that provides sport & saves endangered animals, after we have hunted them we could feed them to endangered wildlife, thus protecting endangered species & also saving space in the ground & not causing pollution with crematorium gasses.
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
All these so called environmental tree hugging specialists depicting world demise through basically... farting, is as usual absolute...Bullsh@t.
What about the cretaceous period, 145 million years ago, the Mesozoic era when dinosaurs ruled the earth?
Non-bird dinosaurs lived between about 245 and 66 million years ago, in a time known as the Mesozoic Era. This was many millions of years before the first modern humans, Homo sapiens, appeared. Scientists divide the Mesozoic Era into three periods: the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous.
Ain't Google great.
Now I may be wrong, but I would rather have millions of cows farting through the land than millions of dinosaurs botty burping about the world...
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door of a house and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "Im doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"If you dont mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex," she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a childs bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I dont mind telling you at all.
My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"If you dont mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex," she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a childs bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I dont mind telling you at all.
My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."