Interesting colonoscopy.

[ogr1]

Managed to reach 57 without any bodily intrusions via the NHS, until today.
The procedure was a tad uncomfortable, but was necessary and tolerable to a point.
The team removed 5 bowel polyps the largest being 8mm. I was in control of the entonox 'Gas and air'.
Needed sometimes, especially when the endoscope went around the bends. I felt slightly pissed.
The evening before i had to drink 2 litres of the most vile liquid known to man..'Moviprep' which i can
only describe as cold lemsip mixed in with wallpaper paste. although i didn't get any feckin popcorn.
This emptied my bowels over a period of 6/7 hours and it even stained the feckin crap pan...Oh joy!
Anyhow..It's a waiting game now, approx 6 weeks to determine what kind of polyp it was...i.e. a nice or
very nasty one. In either case Mr camera sphincter muscle man, would like to look at my internals every one to three years.
It's feckin great getting old.

 

[johnboy]

Fingers crossed it's the good type of polyp. Had the bum camera before, not pleasant but a walk in the park compared to the one up the hampton.

 

[Centaur]

What a cheery pair of feckers you are. 77 and nothing but a big black digit where it didn't oughter be. Twice but the first one was by Australian customs.

 

[ogr1]

What a cheery pair of feckers you are. 77 and nothing but a big black digit where it didn't oughter be. Twice but the first one was by Australian customs.

Did they lube you up, or was that extra?

 

[Centaur]

Both lubed, but only one apologised after finding nothing that shouldn't be there.

 

[derek kelly]

Due to the history of bowel cancer in Bev’s family she has to go every two years for colonoscopy, they always find polyps but remove them before they become harmful, a bit of discomfort every two years is preferable to the alternative.

 

[andyBeaker]

Lemsip mixed with wallpaper paste.

Sounds alright to me.

 

[JayTee]

Managed to reach 57 without any bodily intrusions via the NHS, until today.
The procedure was a tad uncomfortable, but was necessary and tolerable to a point.
The team removed 5 bowel polyps the largest being 8mm. I was in control of the entonox 'Gas and air'.
Needed sometimes, especially when the endoscope went around the bends. I felt slightly pissed.
The evening before i had to drink 2 litres of the most vile liquid known to man..'Moviprep' which i can
only describe as cold lemsip mixed in with wallpaper paste. although i didn't get any feckin popcorn.
This emptied my bowels over a period of 6/7 hours and it even stained the feckin crap pan...Oh joy!
Anyhow..It's a waiting game now, approx 6 weeks to determine what kind of polyp it was...i.e. a nice or
very nasty one. In either case Mr camera sphincter muscle man, would like to look at my internals every one to three years.
It's feckin great getting old.

Hope everything checks out ok, been there done that twice now, waiting is always fraught so can commiserate.
Not the best video footage of yourself you’ve seen I’ll warrant .
It is feckin good getting old cause it beats the feckin alternative .

 

[JayTee]

Did they lube you up, or was that extra?

Both lubed, but only one apologised after not giving me flowers or leaving his phone number

Should have checked Centaur.
Bet both his hands were on yer shoulders

 

[slim63]

This was suggested to me because of stomach problems ……. after 0.2 of a second I said its a no entry zone gaffer, the doc wasn't impressed until I explained there is at least 6 foot of intestine in there & the problem isn't in the lower half so how fecking long is the camera , fecking idiot hadn't thought of that !

So they went in from the top, that felt like a camera +crew & Trever fecking McDonald going down & is not an experience I wish to repeat

 

[andyBeaker]

This thread has gone to some very dark places

 

[Cougar377]

I had the dynarod experience last year as part of the "you're at that age" checks for men.
2 x female nurses and a female doctor did the dirty deed. I suppose that should've made it easier but it bloody didn't. I now know that homosexuality is not for me.

My comment to the doctor afterwards, "who did you piss off to get lumbered with this job..?" wasn't received well either.

 

[andyBeaker]

I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Try having an injection in your eyeball while conscious.

And the nurses undertaking said procedure are having a chat about some tv programme. Don't think it was Minder from memory. Terrified memory.

 

[ogr1]

I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Try having an injection in your eyeball while conscious.

And the nurses undertaking said procedure are having a chat about some tv programme. Don't think it was Minder from memory. Terrified memory.

Try an injection in the lowball...that makes yer eyes smart.

 

[slim63]

Try having an injection in your eyeball while conscious.
.

No thanks I have had metal dug out of my eye with a needle & that was bad enough


By far the most painful thing was a cortisone injection in my wrist for carpal tunnel syndrome its a long flexible needle & he has to wiggle it around to get to the right place, it took ages to get in there & I thought the fecker had gone all the way through & pinned me to the desk ….. never again

 

[ogr1]

This was suggested to me because of stomach problems ……. after 0.2 of a second I said its a no entry zone gaffer, the doc wasn't impressed until I explained there is at least 6 foot of intestine in there & the problem isn't in the lower half so how fecking long is the camera , fecking idiot hadn't thought of that !

So they went in from the top, that felt like a camera +crew & Trever fecking McDonald going down & is not an experience I wish to repeat

Yeah...The old choccy starfish was designed to vacate things...not stockpile
with cameras....and erm, other things.

 

[Malone]

Try having a vasectomy and find out as he’s cutting with the scalpel that the anaesthetic hasn’t numbed the most vital area.
Did you feel that? He said. Fuckin right I did. After another injection it was alright - but I still have the memory of it.

 

[JayTee]

Try having a vasectomy and find out as he’s cutting with the scalpel that the anaesthetic hasn’t numbed the most vital area.
Did you feel that? He said. Fuckin right I did. After another injection it was alright - but I still have the memory of it.

aaaargh...Workmate of mine had it done, never forget, came back to work walking like John Wayne.
When asked how it went he said “didn’t feel a thing, but when the anaesthetic wore off felt like I’d been kicked in the nuts by a cart horse”.
Then proceeded to drop his keks and revealed a pair of plums like bloody coconuts, all trussed up in netting.
Blokes were seen wincing and crossing their legs.
I was one of em!.

 

[derek kelly]

An old friend of mine was manager of Cecil Rhodes Jaguar dealer in Wakefield, one of his workers asked for some time off in the morning as he had an appointment at Dewsbury hospital, he turned up on his bicycle for the afternoon, Steve called him in as he looked a bit faint, turns out he’d had a vasectomy then cycled back to work a journey of approximately ten miles.

 

[ogr1]

An old friend of mine was manager of Cecil Rhodes Jaguar dealer in Wakefield, one of his workers asked for some time off in the morning as he had an appointment at Dewsbury hospital, he turned up on his bicycle for the afternoon, Steve called him in as he looked a bit faint, turns out he’d had a vasectomy then cycled back to work a journey of approximately ten miles.

That's either one big dumb ass or rock hard.