You'll like this Funny story competition

[Cougar377]

An oppo of mine once lent me his Suzi SP370 while he was away on detachment.
One sunny lunchtime I took it into the local village to go to the bank. On the way back I get stopped at the traffic lights in the middle of the village.
So there I am revving this big single, thinking I look pretty cool, when suddenly the clutch cable snaps and it dumps me on my arse.
It shoots forward on it's back wheel, just missing a girl pushing a pram on the crossing. I scramble up and run to the bike but in my embarrassment and rush to get out of dodge I neglect to knock it into neutral.
As I pick it up by the handlebars I accidently roll the throttle back and it shoots off on its own again.

I can't remember how many cars were waiting for the lights to change but it must have kept everyone of those drivers highly amused.

 

[andyBeaker]

When I was about 16 me and my mate Nick went out drinking one night. Both is us we're terrified of parents catching us coming in drunk and way later than we had been told.

Nick decided it would be a good idea to climb up to his bedrooom window via a cast iron side gate. He slipped, making a mighty 'clang' as he did so. The neighbours thought someone was breaking in and called to police. When the police arrived Nicolas found hanging upside down with his foot caught in the gate. How,he didn't break his leg still puzzles me to this day.

 

[derek kelly]

Warning bike related.
My first posting after training in the RN was Warrior the underground Commcen in Northwood, whilst I was there I managed to buy an old Honda C70, whilst on duty one day one of my colleagues mentioned that a particular wren rode a bike, this girl was really attractive & quite petite, I assumed she owned the pink moped that I’d seen in the car park, we arranged to go for a ride a couple of days later, I sat there revving the bollocks off my c70 when this gorgeous vision dressed fully in black & green leather & matching crash helmet walked over, I thought “a bit over dressed for a pink putt putt” she lifted her visor & smiled at me then proceeded to get astride a Laverda 650, she lost me as we were leaving the base gates, took some severe stick for that.

 

[JayTee]

Years ago back in the early 70s the bike club I belonged to went out on our regular Sunday run, the destination was agreed and we set off, now the cafe we had agreed to meet at was on the corner of a crossroads controlled by lights.
Some of us with faster bikes got there before others and the last rider to arrive was not only the oldest guy in the club but also the most well travelled one, Dick had traversed the whole of Europe several times on his old Matchless 500 single and always wore the same gear, long dispatch riders coat, pudding basin helmet, stadium Mk11 goggles and leather gauntlets halfway up his forearms.
Anyway we were in the cafe when we saw Dick pull up at the lights the same time as a guy on a Honda 750, Dick looked at him and revved the Matchless gently, matey took up the challenge and revved the nuts off the Honda, the tension was palpable, Dick took a stance of intent, the Honda rider assumed take off position, both watched the lights, we all watched them, holding our breath.
Lights went green Mr Honda took off like a scalded cat laying rubber for about 50 yards, Dick calmly stuck out one gauntleted hand and turned left in a slow controlled manner turning into the cafe car park.
We all fell about, the Honda had stopped at the next lot of lights and was looking around in bewilderment wondering WTF.
Dick came in and said “Silly sod he’s left more rubber on that road than I used on me last tour”.
Never forget that.
RIP. Dick Powell. a real gentleman.

 

[Squag1]

Solicitor told me of guy in the dock for thumping plod.
Lawyer asks cop are you sure this the man who hit you.
Yes, red haired man.
He was wearing a full face helmet.
Yes.
Should not have asked the question!!!!
So how can you be sure he had red hair.
Well when he took off the helmet to hit me with it......

 

[derek kelly]

A story told to me by a colleague at Chelmsford so I can’t verify it’s authenticity.
Around 1978 my colleague was dock Officer at the Old Bailey, two Officers turned up from Maidstone with a prisoner facing further charges, the clerk of the court instructed the prisoner to stand which he did as did the two Officers flanking him, “can you just confirm your full name” the Clerk said the Prisoner responded “cleavage” the Clerk asked him to repeat & again he said “cleavage” looking a bit rattled the Clerk said can you confirm that your name is.......?”
He replied “yes” the clerk looking even more pissed off asked why he had given his name as cleavage, he responded “well isn’t that what you call the bit between two tits?”

 

[Squag1]

My girlfriend was doing a construction course.
Her uncle was visiting and asked her father about painting and best paint.

He called in the daughter who said best paint was Durex

Never did like Dulux.

 

[Dark Angel]

Warning bike related.

This site is a dedicated Honda Blackbird BIKE forum (remember?).

For motorbike riders who ride Honda Blackbird motorcycles.

Always has been; always will be.

...No warnings, clarifications or "apologies" were ever required for bike-related posts.

...We shouldn't need 'em now.

 

[derek kelly]

Damn right however beaker is of a somewhat delicate nature & is afraid of anything to do with motorised bikes so the warning was for his benefit so he doesn’t have nightmares.

 

[Dark Angel]

Cheers, Del.

...Just thought I'd mention it, mate...

 

[slim63]

We still have a clear leader here just for making me laugh with the mental picture that was portrayed

If finishes tomorrow morning

 

[andyBeaker]

This site is a dedicated Honda Blackbird BIKE forum (remember?).

For motorbike riders who ride Honda Blackbird motorcycles.

Always has been; always will be.

...No warnings, clarifications or "apologies" were ever required for bike-related posts.

...We shouldn't need 'em now.

"Coffee Shop
General postings and ramblings"


No mention of motorised cycles in the official description.

If you must post stuff about motorised cycles it should be posted in the sections reserved for it - basically the bits nobody ever looks at.

 

[derek kelly]

"Coffee Shop
General postings and ramblings"


No mention of motorised cycles in the official description.

If you must post stuff about motorised cycles it should be posted in the sections reserved for it - basically the bits nobody ever looks at.

I didn’t mention the M o t o r i s e d bit for fear of scaring you off the forum.

 

[andyBeaker]

I didn’t mention the M o t o r i s e d bit for fear of scaring you off the forum.

Others have tried and failed Derek!!

 

[Dark Angel]

"Coffee Shop
General postings and ramblings"


No mention of motorised cycles in the official description.

If you must post stuff about motorised cycles it should be posted in the sections reserved for it - basically the bits nobody ever looks at.

Fuck off.

 

[andyBeaker]

Fuck off.

that eloquent statement translates into....'hmmm, you have got a point there, I haven't got an answer to that....'

 

[Dark Angel]

No. Your comment doesn't warrant an answer.

That's the whole point.

 

[Cougar377]

No. Your comment doesn't warrant an answer.

That's the whole point.

.... but you DID answer him.

 

[Dark Angel]

Yes. ...Instructed/directed/ordered...

Edit: I told him to "Fuck off". That's not an answer, as he rightly pointed out.

 

[slim63]

Despite a couple of irritable feckers trying to take the thread off track (get a room ffs ) we have a winner

Take a bow the man with stung nuts who probably made a couple of old ladies very happy @Bluelagoona PM me your name, address etc & I will send you a clock