Discussion in 'Coffee Shop' started by Jaws, Aug 8, 2017.
A SWEET MARRIAGE TALE.
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out to town and party with his old buddies again.
So he said to his new wife, “ Honey, I am going out and I’ll be right back”.
“ Where are you going coochy Cooh? “ asked the wife.
“ I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m just going there to have a beer.”
The wife said “ you. Want a beer, my love ?” She opened the door to the fridge and showed him 10 different kinds of beer brands from 10different countries.
The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing he could think of saying was , “ Yes, lolly pop .. but at the bar... you know ... they have those frozen glasses “.
He didn’t get to finish the sentence because the wife interrupted by saying “ You want a frozen glass , puppy face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer , so frozen she was getting chills holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said “ Yes tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d”oeuvres that are really delicious. I won’t be long. I’ll be right back . I promise. OK?”
You want hors d”oeuvres she opened the freezer and took out 5 different hors d”oeuvres : chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps,pork strips etc.
“ But my sweet honey ...at the bar...you know ...it’s noisy, it’s loud, there’s swearing, dirty words and all that”.
“ You want dirty words , Dickhead? Drink your effing beer in your goddam frozen mug and eat your mothereffing snacks because you are married now, and you aren’t going effing anywhere. Got it a** hole ?”
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet....
So he went to the pet store and told the owner hat he wanted to buy an unusual pet....
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box to use for his house.....
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him.....
So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go down the pub with me today...? We will have a good time"....
But there was no answer from his new pet....
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,"How about going down the pub with me"...?
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation...==
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.....
This time he put his face up against the centipede's box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me"....?
This time, a little voice came out of the box, ''I heard you the first time! I 'm putting my fucking shoes on"....!!!
Go to the wailing wall they said, so l did.
Felt a right plonker stood there with my harpoon.
A cop in the USA stops a lady driver for speeding and asks;
"You're name?" "Freda" she replies.
"Last name?" "Gomam"
"You're Freda Gomam?"
So she thanked the officer and drove off
...and to complete the set - Corbyn and Putin to the left, Kim to the right.