You never know what's round the corner

[Speedy]

:dunno:

About 2 years ago I got into Friends Reunited. Nothing heavy - just met up with some guys I'd been at school with, found they'd changed beyond recognition, stayed in touch with a couple of them and lost contact again with the rest.

During that time the site owners started something called Genes Reunited which was supposed to be able to help you build your family tree. I entered some details on it but so few people were using it at that time that I got nowhere. I haven't been back since.

Two days ago I got an e-mail from somone on that site asking questions about my mother. I answered in a guarded way but e-mails flew both ways then a couple of telephone conversations.

Now there is no doubt - I have a new half brother that neither I nor my siblings had any idea about. My mother won't answer any questions (she's in her 70's now). He seems a decent bloke, 8 years older than me so I'm not even the eldest any more. My emotions are running riot. He still lives in Derbyshire. I don't know whether I should meet him or not. Heart says go for it. Has anything like thias happened to anyone else?

 

[R2B2]

That is a difficult one.....

...... 'fraid I dont have much advice to offer, except it sounds like your mother is obviously not keen to reopen this page in the family book of life. It could be traumatic for her too.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.....

 

[ianrobbo1]

YEA GODS!!!! your not related to Bert are you!!!
no wonder your "Mum" wont say anything!! :dunno:

 

[Speedy]

Don't know Ian. At the moment I feel I could be related to anyone, and Bert is in the right area.

 

[Mid Life Crisis]

My old man split with me mum when i was 4 yrs old and i only saw him 3 times up to the age of 21. One day a few mates and me travelled up to the pub he had near Bristol..........and found out i had 3 sisters and a brother i knew fook all about They could have fooked me off......but they didn't and now they are a real big part of my life :bow:

My wife has an older brother 'somewhere' so we know how you feel, do we find him? does he want to be found? difficult ain't it.

I think i would have to find him but use a third party to act as the ice breaker.

 

[Jaws]

The bloke is just that, a bloke.. he is not gonna beat you or try and make love to you ( hopefully ! ).. You have NOTHING to lose by meeting up.. It is no different to meeting anyone for the first time.
Either you will get on and meet again , else you wont and wont.. if you see what I mean.

Life is too bloody short and this in no rehearsal, so just go do it !

 

[Bob Pinder]

WoW!

Difficult one.....

I think I'd discreetly meet him......

:dunno:

:h

 

[Wolfie]

i would do the same as bob, i have an uncle "somewhere" went to aus on the ?10 deal years ago , his wife and the kids came back after a few years, she told everybody that he had died/was in prison/ran off with somebody else, my nan had a call a few years later (so he was still live) and that was the last we heard of him. His wife still stills to her story.

Nan tried to find him 3 times with sally army etc etc but each time they came up with a blank, got close once was given an address, but the person who may of been him had moved 3 months beforehand. My nan died two years ago never knowing what happened to him.


Speedy you have got to meet him, even if it just to settle your own feelings.

 

[Gerrard]

Meeting

Hi Speedy.
I think I would have to go, but I would tell my Partner/wife though.
But good luck if you meet.
Paul.

 

[trophychap]

A work colleague of my ex-husband got a visit out of the blue from a lady from social services in Birmingham. Turned out he had a FULL bother in Australia who had been 'sent' there in the 1950's - as quite a lot of British children were, it turns out - who had always remembered he had had a baby brother and suddenly decided to try and trace him, the Gov't in Oz are quite good at following these things through, all through the proper channels.

It was all a bit of a shock. Dave's mum point blank refused to have anything to do with it and wouldn't answer any questions; she was elderly by then and had put this child out of her mind so many years ago. She did not want to let him back in. The older brother similarly didn't want to know her - he just wanted to know about his little brother.

Dave and his younger brothers and sister (who the Oz bro obviously had no idea about) now have another part of their family and are all so pleased the guy in Oz had the courage to try to find them, and that Dave had the courage to go and meet the chap in the first instance - the guy then left it up to Dave whether to tell the younger ones or not.

But one thing you know - the bloke wants to meet you and has taken the trouble to contact you. The least you can do is give him a bit of your time in response. I suppose you can always check birth certificates* etc for yourself after you've talked to him if you want to, can't you?
*can't be too many "Gonzales" 's at Somerset House, surely?

Would it be an idea to speak to your local social services first and see if they can offer any advice? or indeed, the Sally Army? Another friend of ours was adopted and has tried to trace her natural family via social services (although unsuccessfully this time) so I do know they have people dedicated to this end.

Best of luck - and do let us know how it turns out (if you want to)

Jen

 

[chuck]

Skeletons

I also found some family skeletons.

Go for it and meet him but try to keep your mum out of it...it hurts her and she wants things to lie.

You can always stop seeing him/communicating after meeting but you will be eaten up wondering if you don't

Good luck & let us know

 

[Murt]

Go for it !
If you do, and it doesn't work out, at least you tried.
If you dont, you will wonder what could have been for the rest of your life.

As for your Mom, ask her to write down her side of the story, and leave it with her will, or in a safe place, (solicitor, family vault, with the vicar ) . Then, if she does, you get to know the story one day.

Best of luck with it, whatever you decide to do.
Murt

 

[RHINO]

When i was 6 my elder brother (on this site) joined the army, he was 16, he stayed in a number of years and due to the age gap we were never close.
I would see him now and again when he was on leave but even then he was hardly in the house. By the time i was 14 he came out of the army and joined civvy street where he found it difficult to adapt. I remember seeing him one lunchtime where he told me he would phone my mum in a day or so, he was just having a break..................................




7 years later he decided to contact us, in that time i had left school and started working, mum & dad had split up, dad had 3 heart attacks and almost died and Paul himself was married and his wife Eva had a baby...


WOW, to speak to him on the phone after being missing for so long was quite something, we are now in regular contact and trying to catch up with lost time however it will never be a close family.

Speedy, get in touch, there will be too many un answered questions to leave it, to many "what ifs".......
Paul knows how cut up i was and still am about what happened and we both work to patch things up. :k