Came across this the other day...
Assorted Laws
1. In any group of eagles you'll find some turkeys.
2. The further down the table of organization you are, the more you'll be missed if you're late to work.
3. When someone is kicking your ass, at least you know you're out in front.
4. Facts without theory is trivia. Theory without facts is BS.
5. Mice get stepped on when elephants dance.
6. Communications is equal to the square root of the mistakes times confusion times contradictions.
7. If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
8. It is impossible to tell from a distance whether a headquarters staff working on a project is simply sitting on their hands or frantically trying to cover their asses.
9. The best way to get credit is to try to give it away.
10. Whom you badmouth today will be your boss tomorrow.
11. A squeaking wheel may get the grease, but it's also the first to be replaced.
12. First law of survival. Keep the boss's boss off the boss's back.
13. Real seasickness is not when you're afraid you'll die, but when you're afraid you'll live.
14. Problems that go away by themselves will come back by themselves.
15. Education is not a substitute for intelligence.
16. It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
17. Commanders must be kept busy or else everyone else will be.
18. Never wrestle with a pig, you will both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.
19. If you can't live with the answer, don't ask the question.
20. When you're up to your arse in alligators its hard to remember that your original plan was to drain the swamp. [Dan Tanzey of the UK for #20-29]
21. The most dangerous thing known to man - an officer with a map.
22. Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Corollary: Anything that can't go wrong will go wrong.
23. O'Toole's comment on Murphy's Law, "Murphy was an optimist."
24. The Non-reciprocal Law of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results; Positive expectations yield negative results.
25. The other queue moves faster. Proof: Change lines and the one you left will move faster.
26. Triangular sandwiches taste nicer.
27. One of the most embarrassing things that can happen is when you get your pint-to-toilet in synchronization with a complete stranger.
28. There is no way to describe the smell of a wet cat.
29. No-one makes sergeants, they are produced in Petrie dishes - like all bacteria.
30. No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will modify the results.
31. Where there is a will there is a won't.
32. You can make it foolproof, but you cannot make it damn fool proof.
33. Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do it himself.
34. When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
35. Never argue with an idiot - people watching may not be able to tell the difference!
36. The one in charge will never cease to amaze you with their profound knowledge of the obvious. [OS1 A. Harp]
37. As soon as you make it foolproof, they will invent a better fool. (ET2 C.W. Landes)
38. You can make it foolproof, but you can not make it sailor proof!
Assorted Laws
1. In any group of eagles you'll find some turkeys.
2. The further down the table of organization you are, the more you'll be missed if you're late to work.
3. When someone is kicking your ass, at least you know you're out in front.
4. Facts without theory is trivia. Theory without facts is BS.
5. Mice get stepped on when elephants dance.
6. Communications is equal to the square root of the mistakes times confusion times contradictions.
7. If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
8. It is impossible to tell from a distance whether a headquarters staff working on a project is simply sitting on their hands or frantically trying to cover their asses.
9. The best way to get credit is to try to give it away.
10. Whom you badmouth today will be your boss tomorrow.
11. A squeaking wheel may get the grease, but it's also the first to be replaced.
12. First law of survival. Keep the boss's boss off the boss's back.
13. Real seasickness is not when you're afraid you'll die, but when you're afraid you'll live.
14. Problems that go away by themselves will come back by themselves.
15. Education is not a substitute for intelligence.
16. It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
17. Commanders must be kept busy or else everyone else will be.
18. Never wrestle with a pig, you will both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.
19. If you can't live with the answer, don't ask the question.
20. When you're up to your arse in alligators its hard to remember that your original plan was to drain the swamp. [Dan Tanzey of the UK for #20-29]
21. The most dangerous thing known to man - an officer with a map.
22. Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Corollary: Anything that can't go wrong will go wrong.
23. O'Toole's comment on Murphy's Law, "Murphy was an optimist."
24. The Non-reciprocal Law of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results; Positive expectations yield negative results.
25. The other queue moves faster. Proof: Change lines and the one you left will move faster.
26. Triangular sandwiches taste nicer.
27. One of the most embarrassing things that can happen is when you get your pint-to-toilet in synchronization with a complete stranger.
28. There is no way to describe the smell of a wet cat.
29. No-one makes sergeants, they are produced in Petrie dishes - like all bacteria.
30. No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will modify the results.
31. Where there is a will there is a won't.
32. You can make it foolproof, but you cannot make it damn fool proof.
33. Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do it himself.
34. When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
35. Never argue with an idiot - people watching may not be able to tell the difference!
36. The one in charge will never cease to amaze you with their profound knowledge of the obvious. [OS1 A. Harp]
37. As soon as you make it foolproof, they will invent a better fool. (ET2 C.W. Landes)
38. You can make it foolproof, but you can not make it sailor proof!