Midlands vs Southern Pooftahs Debate

[fat bert]

As this subject seems to have been "diluted" over various threads, I'll pull it [cue abuse] all together in one single thread

Suspect that this might a "longest thread" yet

For the uninitiated guest/browser - this thread MAY get a little heated BUT it's all done in the best possible taste as mere banter with little malice intended

 

[fat bert]

8 minutes~~~

and not a single post from the Southern Pooftahs!!

Case provem M'lud

The Midlands win again!!!

 

[Beemer]

Midlands v Southern Pooftahs

Or how to win friends and influence people...! :yo: :yo: :yo:

Ermm inhabiting Peterborough as I do just wondered if that makes me an honorary Midlander? Seeing as I ain't working in a southern fudge factory....:neenaw:

 

[fat bert]

Nooooooooooo Beemer~~

with a name like that your a "Eastern Carrot Cruncher"

 

[Beemer]

Better than

being a Southern "lollipop" man....ROFL
uke: uke: uke:

 

[fat bert]

Naearly an hour now~~~

typical Southerners - have to read joined up writing
s-----l-----o----w-----l-----y
so that they can understand

 

[fat bert]

and of course it hads to be~~~

The "Useless Tit" that starts the southern pooftahs input !!

Let's say boundary is a line through Milton Keynes as everyone would like to put a bloody big line through MK?

 

[davet]

some of us have to work to keep you northerners in wippits & cravats:}

 

[Samster]

LOL

Aye Whippet............what's the fascination with bleedin' whippets up there anyway?

 

[fat bert]

We are working~~~

it's just that we don't have to work as hard as you pooftahs because our mortgage repayments are far more sensible

 

[Samster]

Well I spose your mortgage repayments have to be kept somewhat in-line and proportional to your pay bands..................:f

 

[Samster]

"Over Christmas Amanda and I found a Midlander that we really liked, it's really great with the kids and always uses the litter tray, but has developed sticky patches and looks listless and bored, please help".................confused Southerner Samster

Yes, Confused Southerner, you seem to have fallen into the trap of thinking your Midlander's diet is just 'smerking tabs and drinking pints of Tetley's', try varying it's diet with curry or Derby jam on a popadum, this should make more variety for it so that it looks forward to meal times, this should stop the stickyness......................

 

[Samster]

"The kids also recenlty found an abandoned cross bred 'Janine' Midlander at a recent bike rally, it has lovely markings and white court shoes but keeps eating the cats food and chasing the post man, is this behavioural or just a case of 'slapper mange', I don't want to have it put down as the kids love it, however it has started coughing up tissues from under the bed and borrowing the car at week ends......where will it end?".................Southern Samster

Southern Samster - Yes, cross breeds are a very good choice of Midlander, they don't have expensive habits at all and are easy to house train but they do suffer from attention deficit disorder, anal discharge and night vision. So the right diet and plenty of clean straw is a must. Twenty Bensons will stop the anal discharge in most cases, though not with Arboreal Midlanders. Their nose hair preening habits seem to make them unaffected by anal discharges, something to do with the transmission of antibodies.

 

[fat bert]

ooooooooooooooooooo~~

a vaguely amusing post from the Hairdresser

Also shows a modicum of intelligent dialogue

Thereagain - it's The Samster...............


BWAHAHAHAHAWAAWAHHHHH
to coin a phrase

Careful Sam you'll use up all your cerebal cells before you reveal the BIG SECRET!!!

 

[fat bert]

Over Xmas~~~

"Amanda and I"

sounds like an episode of East Benders

 

[Samster]

Fook off Bert - you're putting me off my flow.................


Two excellent, but not well-known, books by JR Hartley are a good guide to handling and showing your Midlander, the "Care and Patronising of your Midlander" and "All that coal in the bath and they still breed like rabbits" are required reading for beginners.

Available exclusively to IKEA, the '****ibox' is now the standard for transporting and showing your prized Midlander, having a wipe-clean plenum chamber which stops blow-back. But do remember to have FUN showing your Midlander, as I have detected a degree of snobbishness creeping in at events, with some breeders arriving in custom-purchased flat-twin driven outfits having a hinged flap at the back for their show Midlander, which is really going too far.

I mean really - a Discovery or Range Rover would be much more suited to 'Three day eventing' without looking pretencious..................

Bwahaahaaahaaaaaaaaa!!!
:yo:

 

[fat bert]

Samster~~~~

in true Southern Pooftah style
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you do post some bollox

 

[Samster]

But Bert, twas you that called the debate and predicted her to be a longun'..............therefore as you envisage a MASS-debate, 'tis better to post a load of old wank than not to post at all...............

.............I wanna see pics of B1rdie's lovely toys - and a piccie of the bloke himself - c'mon then, post us a snap of the SL55..............and to prove it's yours we'll have a piccie of you in it doing a filthy great doughnut please................no excuses now...........I'm not taking, "I can't find the button to overide the traction control" as an excuse...............you can afford the tyres after all, having moved North.................by the way, I've the software and the cable to the ECU to give those haircuts from the lappy, even the '03 models, ooooooh just think that could save a fortune what with the contract hire penalties these days..............LOL

 

[fat bert]

But Sam~~~

Ya never once mention FISH [even well-violent ones] let alone the BIG SECRET!!







btw - to make a post on this thread you MUST include a funny pic with each post

 

[B1rdie]

Re: Savings

Originally posted by lumpy
Shame you don't spend the surplus on personal education then:f

Thats rich!! coming from the most SELECTIVE reader, I have ever had the misfortune to have had reply to a post of mine, still LIMP LUMP you continue on in your own little small mind, down there in small mindsville (SOUTH OF WATFORD).

:m