X
XXscraper
Guest
Some of these are very funny so must share 'em.....enjoy
>What's the difference between greyhound racing and Matthew Kelly? The
>greyhounds wait for the hare.
>
>What is the worst thing about being Matthew Kelly? You have to go to
>bed before 7.00
>
>How do you know when it is bedtime at the Kelly residence? When the big
>hand
>touches the small hand
>
>Have you heard about Matthew Kelly's New Book? It's called, "The In's
>and Out's of Child Rearing
>
>Matthew Kelly is sitting in his living room surfing the internet on his
>laptop. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his
>wife storms through. She screams, "You fcuking @sshole!" and she heads
>into the bedroom. Stunned, Matthew flips off the computer and walks
>toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?" Inside the
>bedroom he finds the missus furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her
>what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should
>leave you, and that you're a pedophile!" Matthew responds, "Wow, you're
>pretty smart for an 8 year old."
>
>Have you heard? Matthew Kelly has pulled out of Children In Need...
>
>What's the difference between Matthew Kelly and acne?
>
>Acne doesn't come on your face until you're thirteen.
>
>Matthew Kelly is off to Florida on holiday this year He's going to
>Tampa with the kids.
>
>What was Matthew Kellys defence in court. He was only kidding.
>
>Matthew Kelly and his wife are in Blockbuster to hire a video for the
>evening. Mr. Kelly's missus asks him what he wants to watch. He says
>"How about we get Aladdin ?". His girlfriend says........ "Can't we
>just get a video, you're in enough trouble already."
>
>Apparently Matthew Kelly thought Boyz II Men was a delivery service.
>
>The similarity between Matthew Kelly, Gary Glitter and whisky? They
>both come in small tots.
>
>What do you do if Matthew Kelly is drowning? Throw him a buoy!
>
>Why was Matthew Kelly spotted at Marks & Sparks? He heard boys pants
>were half-off!
>
>What did the lady say to Matthew Kelly at the beach? "Excuse me, you're
>in my son"
>
>Matthew Kellys Lawyer is talking to him in the cells at the Old Bailey
>just after he has been found guilty on 26 charges of pedophilia.
>"Alright. You got 4 months but look on the bright side. You'll be out
>in
>
>time for half term"
>
>On the junior edition of Childrens Stars in their Eyes ... Matthew
>Kelly's eyes light up as little Jonny, 6, said:
>What's the difference between greyhound racing and Matthew Kelly? The
>greyhounds wait for the hare.
>
>What is the worst thing about being Matthew Kelly? You have to go to
>bed before 7.00
>
>How do you know when it is bedtime at the Kelly residence? When the big
>hand
>touches the small hand
>
>Have you heard about Matthew Kelly's New Book? It's called, "The In's
>and Out's of Child Rearing
>
>Matthew Kelly is sitting in his living room surfing the internet on his
>laptop. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his
>wife storms through. She screams, "You fcuking @sshole!" and she heads
>into the bedroom. Stunned, Matthew flips off the computer and walks
>toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?" Inside the
>bedroom he finds the missus furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her
>what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should
>leave you, and that you're a pedophile!" Matthew responds, "Wow, you're
>pretty smart for an 8 year old."
>
>Have you heard? Matthew Kelly has pulled out of Children In Need...
>
>What's the difference between Matthew Kelly and acne?
>
>Acne doesn't come on your face until you're thirteen.
>
>Matthew Kelly is off to Florida on holiday this year He's going to
>Tampa with the kids.
>
>What was Matthew Kellys defence in court. He was only kidding.
>
>Matthew Kelly and his wife are in Blockbuster to hire a video for the
>evening. Mr. Kelly's missus asks him what he wants to watch. He says
>"How about we get Aladdin ?". His girlfriend says........ "Can't we
>just get a video, you're in enough trouble already."
>
>Apparently Matthew Kelly thought Boyz II Men was a delivery service.
>
>The similarity between Matthew Kelly, Gary Glitter and whisky? They
>both come in small tots.
>
>What do you do if Matthew Kelly is drowning? Throw him a buoy!
>
>Why was Matthew Kelly spotted at Marks & Sparks? He heard boys pants
>were half-off!
>
>What did the lady say to Matthew Kelly at the beach? "Excuse me, you're
>in my son"
>
>Matthew Kellys Lawyer is talking to him in the cells at the Old Bailey
>just after he has been found guilty on 26 charges of pedophilia.
>"Alright. You got 4 months but look on the bright side. You'll be out
>in
>
>time for half term"
>
>On the junior edition of Childrens Stars in their Eyes ... Matthew
>Kelly's eyes light up as little Jonny, 6, said:
:loo: :t