Wolfie
Is a lunp
-------I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.
--------Don't let aging get you down--it's too hard to get back up!
--------The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
--------Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
--------I've sure gotten old!! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's licence.
--------My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
--------It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
--------A 97-year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?
"You're damned right it is," replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
--------I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
--------An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes to be scattered over Tescos.
"Tescos?" the preacher exclaimed! "Why Tescos?"
"Then, I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week!" she replied.
--------The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is that they have to squat down to do it.
--------These days, about half of the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
--------I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it!
--------I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
--------Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
--------THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, and the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.
--------Don't let aging get you down--it's too hard to get back up!
--------The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
--------Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
--------I've sure gotten old!! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's licence.
--------My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
--------It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
--------A 97-year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?
"You're damned right it is," replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
--------I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
--------An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes to be scattered over Tescos.
"Tescos?" the preacher exclaimed! "Why Tescos?"
"Then, I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week!" she replied.
--------The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is that they have to squat down to do it.
--------These days, about half of the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
--------I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it!
--------I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
--------Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
--------THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, and the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.