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- Thread starter gypsy
- Start date
richard
Cool as a Cucumber
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is suitably
impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left.
The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.
The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When
the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English
football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot and robbed in the
street, your sister and I were ambushed gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of
looters, and all while you were having such great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first
place!"
impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left.
The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.
The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When
the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English
football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot and robbed in the
street, your sister and I were ambushed gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of
looters, and all while you were having such great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first
place!"
gypsy
MAN on the PAN
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar,and not recognizing him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
"Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
"Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
