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One for the Essex crowd

  • Thread starter CAD
  • Start date
C

CAD

Guest
ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with it epicentre in Basildon.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell". The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

?2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

?5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alcho-pop 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?"
 

Cyclops

Registered User
CAD said:
ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with it epicentre in Basildon.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell". The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

?2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

?5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alcho-pop 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?"






Might be :rolleyes:
 
C

CAD

Guest
Pardon

Mon Sewers, had I known I would have refrained:cry: .
 

gypsy

MAN on the PAN
Feck em Cad
Half the senile old gets cant remember yesterday
 

Wolfie

Is a lunp
i do i do i do


Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, I'm not half to man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Mm mm mm mm mm.
 

gypsy

MAN on the PAN
Well done Woolfie your not senile :bow:
but you are second class
 
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