• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Something to ponder

FreeBird

Registered User
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our
skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with
real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (and that's the only time I have to
work on my hair)
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??
?....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a
suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upsidedown". (well...
duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you
thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this
save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".(and...I'm taking this because??
?....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."(as opposed to.
..what)?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody
out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning:> contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
" (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and
send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other
words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a
while.

:-: :-: :-:
 
F

fat bert

Guest
OK - pondering@@

why is there only one Monopolies Commision?

why do kamakazi pilots wear crash helmets

and my all time favourite......

Does acupuncture cure pins and needles?
 
R

robcbrxx

Guest
and the next please

why is abbreviation such a long word?
 
R

robcbrxx

Guest
oops

obviously i never read all the threads lol b 4 u all say
 

Cyclops

Registered User
Ears piericed while you wait

I dropped mine off and picked it up later:yo:
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
My favorite is.. why is there only one monopolies commision ?
Oh and you asked "When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?"

They employ people who eat dog and cat food ! Yes really !!
However, how they know what a dog or cat likes is a mystery..:puke:
 

Cyclops

Registered User
Why Have I

been banned from Ixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxra:B :B









Not that I really give a Sh1te:f
 
M

mikew

Guest
and there's more .........

Given what the condition ?dyslexia? is, why is it so hard to spell?


and


To check the spelling of a word, you use a dictionary, which lists words in the order they are spelt, so you wouldn?t really need the dictionary then ??.


mike
 
R

robcbrxx

Guest
Why is it called

Room temperature whether its cold or hot ?
 
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