M
Mac166
Guest
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all
afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his
shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair
with my
secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about
having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they
always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new
son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of
this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
"Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be
cremated, and made a
startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I
can't allow you to
be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and
took it home "I
have something to show you won't believe," he said to
his wife, opening
his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Schwartz is dead!"
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with
talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend
you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the
room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one
and I liked it
so I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and
returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like
that for two
days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned
thing."
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a
beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns
this place?"
The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your
wife?"
The bartender replied:
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked
up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with
your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied,
"now just rest and let the poison work."
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all
afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his
shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair
with my
secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about
having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they
always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new
son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of
this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
"Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be
cremated, and made a
startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I
can't allow you to
be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and
took it home "I
have something to show you won't believe," he said to
his wife, opening
his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Schwartz is dead!"
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with
talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend
you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the
room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one
and I liked it
so I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and
returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like
that for two
days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned
thing."
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a
beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns
this place?"
The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your
wife?"
The bartender replied:
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked
up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with
your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied,
"now just rest and let the poison work."
