Living

[andyBeaker]

My mother in law isn’t too good at the moment, brace position has been adopted by all concerned.

I found myself reflecting on her life earlier. In 89 years she hasn’t really lived. Never been abroad other than a day trip to Bruges. Never had any real lifelong friends. Never been to a really nice restaurant or had anything other than a weeks holiday by the seaside somewhere, last time 30 years plus ago before she lost her husband. Never learned to drive. Never been To any of the other home countries - think the furthest she has been is Suffolk. Lived within a one square mile area of south London until she was 75, moved her down here with us and she has rarely been out, and not at all in about the last three years other than medical appointments. Never had a good job, stuck in a dead end clerical role in the MoD all her working life. No ambitions. No hobbies. No real interests. Never been in an aeroplane. I don’t think she has ever been really happy, just accepting of her lot.

The only ‘exciting’ time of her life was being evacuated in WW2…she was back home within a week.

It‘s really sad.

Existing, not living..

we really need to make the best of what we have, it doesn’t last forever.

 

[Pow-Lo]

As a wise woman once said to me "Tomorrow isn't promised, JFDI!"

 

[Minkey]

one of the reasons I've changed my work life balance

 

[Me!]

An interesting point. My father is 83 and has done very little bar save all his money. As you say …. Sad.

 

[andyBeaker]

An interesting point. My father is 83 and has done very little bar save all his money. As you say …. Sad.

Yupforgot ‘saving all her money’!!


My mum is just as bad… she is ‘not without’ to put it mildly, but she still says ‘can you get my some Diet Coke/yoghurt/cheese/whatever (pick one) …but only if it’s on special offer’ She has lived though…and continues to do so. She still,saves it faster than I can get her to spend it.

 

[derek kelly]

My Father in law is 91 & has not been out of the house for three years apart from coming to ours for a barbecue, when we visit them all they do is bitch about neighbours, family, how nobody visits them apart from a distant cousin & her husband who funnily enough never have enough money for bus fare & shopping so Mother in law gives them £50 each time they visit.

 

[Dark Angel]

My father worked hard for forty years to grow his business and support his family. By the time he was seventy-five he was suffering from dementia and more or less housebound (by choice - he just said he’d “done enough chasing around”!) but enjoying sport, news and entertainment on his giant TV. He’d done more than enough to be “allowed” to do as he pleased in his latter years.

That was the "new" life he chose to live and I respected his choice.

 

[Duck n Dive]

Funnily enough I'm just visiting my parents in Bracknell today. They're both into their 90s and Dad has alzheimers.

Both are frail and it really reached the point where mum can't completely look after dad, if he fell she'd be stuck.

Trying to persuade them to move up and live with us. Mum's ready to but dad's gonna be a bit more tricky.

Both have always been adamant that they don't want to go into a care home and dad is paranoid about the council getting his house to pay care home fees.

Just waiting for the right moment!!

 

[Duck n Dive]

Got back home late last night.

Hopefully we might be getting somewhere. Dad's agreed to think about it but seemed to be warming to the idea. Although we did have to have the same conversation a number of times

Don't pretend it wouldn't have its difficult moments but I'm convinced it would help them.

Dad is mobile, but slow and unsteady. But spends most of his days sat in a chair dozing so then wanders about when everyone else is sleeping - except on those days when he's been kept busy, then he sleeps soundly.

Mum is much more active and does everything but finds it hard to get sleep and on edge trying to make sure he's OK. As a result she's now starting to deteriorate.

We've got the space in our house really and with three of us already here there'll always be someone to help keep an eye on him, let mum relax.
Mum will have others to talk to and be able to get out more, dad will have the same so hopefully give him a better quality of life.

I did say to dad that I'd sort out the garage and he could rebuild the old sunbeam S7 he gave years ago in boxes - he said "feck off, I got rid of it I'm not doing that"

The big plus is they both get they're wish not to go into a care home.

 

[derek kelly]

Many times we asked my Dad to move into a bungalow nearer to us, we even offered to build a bungalow on the front paddock (planning permission was already granted) he was stubborn & refused to move despite the fact he was looking after my Brother Colin who was mentally handicapped, my Dad died at 91 following a fall down the stairs, if he’d moved he wouldn’t have fallen but neither would he see out his days as he wanted.

 

[DLN1965]

Both are frail and it really reached the point where mum can't completely look after dad, if he fell she'd be stuck.

Both have always been adamant that they don't want to go into a care home and dad is paranoid about the council getting his house to pay care home prices

This happened to me recently
Dad passed away in June and this left my Mum in control of the household bills for the first time ever …
Although he was disabled himself (deaf) he was her carer as she can’t drive etc etc
She hadn’t got a clue what to do !
Power of attorney sorted and all her finances are now set up automatically pay bills etc etc

She was adamant she wanted taking to the bank to withdraw an amount of cash and then go home and sort out who was being paid what and going to another bank to pay each bill separately!!! (As they always have done !!!)

I live 6 hour drive away so things had to change !
She drives me crazy too so she isn’t moving down here !!!!

 

[slim63]

My mother in law isn’t too good at the moment, brace position has been adopted by all concerned.

I found myself reflecting on her life earlier. In 89 years she hasn’t really lived. Never been abroad other than a day trip to Bruges. Never had any real lifelong friends. Never been to a really nice restaurant or had anything other than a weeks holiday by the seaside somewhere, last time 30 years plus ago before she lost her husband. Never learned to drive. Never been To any of the other home countries - think the furthest she has been is Suffolk. Lived within a one square mile area of south London until she was 75, moved her down here with us and she has rarely been out, and not at all in about the last three years other than medical appointments. Never had a good job, stuck in a dead end clerical role in the MoD all her working life. No ambitions. No hobbies. No real interests. Never been in an aeroplane. I don’t think she has ever been really happy, just accepting of her lot.

The only ‘exciting’ time of her life was being evacuated in WW2…she was back home within a week.

It‘s really sad.

Existing, not living..

we really need to make the best of what we have, it doesn’t last forever.

When you put it like that its not so different to my own life, I live within 15 miles of where I was bought up and even then I didn't move through choice, travelled this country on a bike a lot but only been on a plane once (jersey) other than that been to france on a ferry once and the IOM twice

The rest has been work and looking after and paying for other people, not that I would change much of it but I do sometimes wonder when is my time, after all I am already 6 years older than my mum ever got to be and feel the clock is ticking

 

[andyBeaker]

When you put it like that its not so different to my own life, I live within 15 miles of where I was bought up and even then I didn't move through choice, travelled this country on a bike a lot but only been on a plane once (jersey) other than that been to france on a ferry once and the IOM twice

The rest has been work and looking after and paying for other people, not that I would change much of it but I do sometimes wonder when is my time, after all I am already 6 years older than my mum ever got to be and feel the clock is ticking

but you do have interests and hobbies.

Even if they are a bit weird.

And friends on here.

Even if they are a bit weird.

 

[DLN1965]

And friends on here.
Even if they are a bit weird.

Not sure IF you are on his friends list Andy

 

[slim63]

but you do have interests and hobbies.

Even if they are a bit weird.

And friends on here.

Even if they are a bit weird.

Weird is good

 

[Squag1]

BTW , what is normal these days.
What is normal in here??
AND BTW, I'm the only normal one here.

 

[Cougar377]

BTW , what is normal these days.
What is normal in here??
AND BTW, I'm the only normal one here.

Well that's a relief.

 

[slim63]

Well that's Worrying