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Guest
Early Retirement
Due to the current financial situation, the Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 34 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as Retire Aged Personnel Early (RAPE).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Management to be eligible for Special Help After Retirement (SHAFT). The situation of persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the Scheme for Retired Workers (SCREW). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice, but SCREWED as many times as the Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get Additional Income for Dependents or Spouses (AIDS) or Half Earnings for Retired Personnel and Early Severance (HERPES). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons staying will receive as much Special High Intensity Training (SHIT) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives all employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your Team Leader. He/she has been extensively trained to give you all the SHIT that you can handle.
Management Human Resources Department
Due to the current financial situation, the Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 34 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as Retire Aged Personnel Early (RAPE).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Management to be eligible for Special Help After Retirement (SHAFT). The situation of persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the Scheme for Retired Workers (SCREW). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice, but SCREWED as many times as the Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get Additional Income for Dependents or Spouses (AIDS) or Half Earnings for Retired Personnel and Early Severance (HERPES). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons staying will receive as much Special High Intensity Training (SHIT) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives all employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your Team Leader. He/she has been extensively trained to give you all the SHIT that you can handle.
Management Human Resources Department