Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!'
Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been
living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
I got sacked last night from serving in the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders, all I said was, 'Hurry up for f**** sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, the waiter came over and says, 'Curry OK?'
I said, 'Go on then, just one song then bugger off'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked around and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
Firemen have just rescued a man with his penis stuck in a condom machine.
They asked him what happened and he said,
'The sign says, insert £2 and push knob in'.