• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
MEANINGS OF BOYS' NAMES

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.

Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, well hung but very caring.

Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.

Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.

Alex - cute and short but a liar and a cheat.

Amir - Dirty, Smelly, Pecker is minuscule.

Andy - boring and has a small pecker.

Andrew - gay and still has a small pecker.

Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain.

Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of weed.

Arnold - loser.

Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.

Barry - lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung.

Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.

Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.

Bradley - thinks everyone likes him...but they don't.

Brandon - good looking but uses girls.

Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.

Brett - world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him.

Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, no he's not the Messiah he's just a naughty boy.

Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.

Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.

Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.

Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.

Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.

Cameron - wanker of the first order

Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex.

Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.

Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies no real person has that name.

Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.

Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.

Christian - very sexy and seductive (think 'Legends of the Fall').

Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.

Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.

Cole - nice, funny, and fun to be around.

Con - lies to women and blows up public buildings.

Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.

Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.

Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.

Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.

Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.

Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.

Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.

Darryl - Hung like a pit pony, can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe and breathe through his lugs : )

David - total wanker - hated by all.

Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter - i.e. a wanker.

Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.

Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.

Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.

Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please.

Don - dickhead.

Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.

Drew - bad-arse losers who never shuts up.

Dylan - horny bastard, who can't sing.

Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.

Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an arsehole.

Emrys - Load mouth gob shite.

Elliott - Full of himself

Eric - shy.

Erik - funny and treats girls how he wants to be treated.

Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient.

Frank - "different" - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy.

Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight.

Gary - drug addict but willing to share.

Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.

Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.

George - barman who drinks more than he serves.

Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth

Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex

Graham - will screw anything

Grant - HORNY! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.

Greg - really sweet and feels sorry for himself.

Guy - Covers his back, has a small dick.

Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.

Hathem - smooth, but very manipulative, not to be trusted around young girls.

Haydn - tries hard.

Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography (doesn't everybody!).

Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him

Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.

Jamie - Scum of the Earth.

James - built like a horse.

Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well.

Jason - Total cock whore

Jeff - really ugly.

Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.

Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.

Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.

Jack - stupid but hot. Always alright.

Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.

Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.

Joel - arse.

John - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals.

Jonathon - think he's good - he's shit.

Jordan - sexy but weird in bed.

Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.

Josh - full of himself, fun.

Junior - hotty and totally good at football.

Justin - aggravating, insecure & jealous.

Kain - the cringiest guy alive and very stuck up.

Kevin - Always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a small penis, really nice to women.

Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.

Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.

Kim - very understanding and caring, feels lost in Korea.

Kurt - can kick anyone's arse, likes male midgets

Ky - see Kain.

Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips.

Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.

Laurey - short and funny looking.

Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.

Les - calm, calculating, intelligent, sexy.

Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.

Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.

Liam - loud mouthed arsehole, normally found in rock bands and pubs.

Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.

Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.

Luke - seems to be a wander

Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers.

Marc - Fantasises about pretty lights, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke - Tries to tell everyone

Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is instead of laughing at his tiny pecker, mouthy bastard though.

Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl, comes off as desperate.

Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.

Mitchell - the ugliest dog and he don't get any.

Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.

Nick - HORNY! but really nice - can't get past the missionary position though.

Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, useless in bed.

Noel - an absolute diamond, sexy, funny and faultless....apart from when it comes to sorting out contents insurance for his home

Oliver - likes men but is in denial.

Oscar - loser, a good name for a dog.

Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Patrick - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in pricks.

Paul - drunk, drunk, drunk.

Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.

Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.

Rashpal - C@@t

Reagen - ...strange.

Rhys - great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long,long time ago.

Richard - cant see his feet balls are to big

Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.

Rikki - see above.

Rob - constantly watches porn.

Roy - ugly af but well hung and knows how to use it.

Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.

Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole.

Ryan - small dick but sexy body and even sexier mind.

Sam - wannabe sex machine.

Scott - has serious disabilities.

Sean - has small testicles and no friends.

Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.

Shane - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin.

Shannon - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.

Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.

Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.

Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.

Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.

Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.

Toby - best blow ever.

Tom - cool but can be arrogant.

Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.

Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.

Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.

Troy - cute and popular.

Taylor - gay.

Warren - cool, homosexual guy.

Wesley - great guy and easy to tolerate.

William - wishes he were popular but is ultimately a c@@t.

Zach - sweet and polite and adorable
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. So Jesus waited at the gates. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man who looked familiar. Jesus began the standard questions. He asked the familiar looking old man, "Name and occupation?"
The old man replied, "Joseph and I was a carpenter."
Jesus recalled his own earthly existence and leaned forward forgetting the list of questions "Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward excitedly. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he wasn't really my flesh and blood, but I raised him as if he was."
Jesus remembered that on Earth he had been in a similar situation, "Anything else unusual about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus couldn't believe what he was hearing, his voice trembling with emotion he asked, "Anything else?"
"Well, he passed, and was brought back to life. People all over the world tell his story to this day!"
Jesus was convinced, leaned forward with his arms open and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
A new lion arrived at a zoo. He got talking to the other lions and asked what they have to eat.

One of the older lions started the conversation. Well...... on Monday the koi pond empties itself and the fish all died, so the keepers scooped them out and froze them. On Tuesday some of the chimpanzees became ill and died. The keepers took them out and froze them. On Wednesday the beekeeper was checking his hive and the whole swarm had died so they were taken out and frozen.

The new lion asked, what’s this got to do with what they feed you?

With that the older said “well tonight we have got fish, chimps and mushy bees!!!
 

Ned52

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
6 OF THE BEST SMART ARSE ANSWERS EVER

SMART ARSE ANSWER 6

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 5
A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART ARSE ANSWER 4
The policeman got out of his car and the Teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window” I’ve been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.
The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 3
A truckie was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it ..
Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

SMART ARSE ANSWER 2
A teacher at West Australian University reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack,a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,“Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”

SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR
Telephone rings, woman answers.
Pervert, breathing heavily, says, "I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?"
Woman replies, "Yes, I have. He's watching the rugby .... Who shall I say is calling?"
 

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
MEANINGS OF BOYS' NAMES

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.

Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, well hung but very caring.

Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.

Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.

Alex - cute and short but a liar and a cheat.

Amir - Dirty, Smelly, Pecker is minuscule.

Andy - boring and has a small pecker.

Andrew - gay and still has a small pecker.

Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain.

Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of weed.

Arnold - loser.

Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.

Barry - lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung.

Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.

Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.

Bradley - thinks everyone likes him...but they don't.

Brandon - good looking but uses girls.

Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.

Brett - world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him.

Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, no he's not the Messiah he's just a naughty boy.

Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.

Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.

Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.

Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.

Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.

Cameron - wanker of the first order

Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex.

Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.

Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies no real person has that name.

Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.

Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.

Christian - very sexy and seductive (think 'Legends of the Fall').

Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.

Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.

Cole - nice, funny, and fun to be around.

Con - lies to women and blows up public buildings.

Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.

Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.

Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.

Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.

Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.

Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.

Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.

Darryl - Hung like a pit pony, can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe and breathe through his lugs : )

David - total wanker - hated by all.

Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter - i.e. a wanker.

Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.

Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.

Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.

Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please.

Don - dickhead.

Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.

Drew - bad-arse losers who never shuts up.

Dylan - horny bastard, who can't sing.

Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.

Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an arsehole.

Emrys - Load mouth gob shite.

Elliott - Full of himself

Eric - shy.

Erik - funny and treats girls how he wants to be treated.

Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient.

Frank - "different" - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy.

Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight.

Gary - drug addict but willing to share.

Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.

Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.

George - barman who drinks more than he serves.

Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth

Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex

Graham - will screw anything

Grant - HORNY! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.

Greg - really sweet and feels sorry for himself.

Guy - Covers his back, has a small dick.

Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.

Hathem - smooth, but very manipulative, not to be trusted around young girls.

Haydn - tries hard.

Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography (doesn't everybody!).

Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him

Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.

Jamie - Scum of the Earth.

James - built like a horse.

Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well.

Jason - Total cock whore

Jeff - really ugly.

Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.

Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.

Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.

Jack - stupid but hot. Always alright.

Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.

Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.

Joel - arse.

John - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals.

Jonathon - think he's good - he's shit.

Jordan - sexy but weird in bed.

Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.

Josh - full of himself, fun.

Junior - hotty and totally good at football.

Justin - aggravating, insecure & jealous.

Kain - the cringiest guy alive and very stuck up.

Kevin - Always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a small penis, really nice to women.

Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.

Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.

Kim - very understanding and caring, feels lost in Korea.

Kurt - can kick anyone's arse, likes male midgets

Ky - see Kain.

Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips.

Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.

Laurey - short and funny looking.

Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.

Les - calm, calculating, intelligent, sexy.

Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.

Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.

Liam - loud mouthed arsehole, normally found in rock bands and pubs.

Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.

Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.

Luke - seems to be a wander

Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers.

Marc - Fantasises about pretty lights, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke - Tries to tell everyone

Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is instead of laughing at his tiny pecker, mouthy bastard though.

Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl, comes off as desperate.

Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.

Mitchell - the ugliest dog and he don't get any.

Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.

Nick - HORNY! but really nice - can't get past the missionary position though.

Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, useless in bed.

Noel - an absolute diamond, sexy, funny and faultless....apart from when it comes to sorting out contents insurance for his home

Oliver - likes men but is in denial.

Oscar - loser, a good name for a dog.

Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.

Patrick - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in pricks.

Paul - drunk, drunk, drunk.

Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.

Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.

Rashpal - C@@t

Reagen - ...strange.

Rhys - great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long,long time ago.

Richard - cant see his feet balls are to big

Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.

Rikki - see above.

Rob - constantly watches porn.

Roy - ugly af but well hung and knows how to use it.

Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.

Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole.

Ryan - small dick but sexy body and even sexier mind.

Sam - wannabe sex machine.

Scott - has serious disabilities.

Sean - has small testicles and no friends.

Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.

Shane - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin.

Shannon - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.

Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.

Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.

Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.

Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.

Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.

Toby - best blow ever.

Tom - cool but can be arrogant.

Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.

Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.

Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.

Troy - cute and popular.

Taylor - gay.

Warren - cool, homosexual guy.

Wesley - great guy and easy to tolerate.

William - wishes he were popular but is ultimately a c@@t.

Zach - sweet and polite and adorable
Bev won’t let me have a doll collection.
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!"
 

Quiney

Registered User
NEWS FLASH


Jonathon Ross has been arrested.

Apparently on his show he said 'Remember, at Christmas, it a good time to throw a wog on the fire'
 
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