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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
Just back from the doctors. "What's wrong", she said,
I have a problem with pain down below I said,
"Well drop your pants" she said, she had a good old feel of my privates and then said "There's nothing wrong there",
I said I know i think,I've got an ingrowing toenail".
I have a problem with pain down below I said,
"Well drop your pants" she said, she had a good old feel of my privates and then said "There's nothing wrong there",
I said I know i think,I've got an ingrowing toenail".
I was talking to a to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up like that.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. Plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet. I went to the gym, the pool and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I got released from prison."
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. Plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet. I went to the gym, the pool and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I got released from prison."
T.C
Registered User
I'll never forget my Grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladder you little twat."
I said to my Dad the other day: “My LSD is missing.”
“We have much bigger problems son. There are dragons in the kitchen.” He told me.
How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
Zero. It should be open when she brings it.
Does my Thai girlfriend have a penis?
Something inside me says yes.
I am trying to find a way to kill my wife without raising suspicion.
So I've bought her a car.
When I was younger I wished I had a bigger cock to impress women.
Now, I wish I had a bigger cock so I can see it from under my belly.
The first time I had sex, it was in my parent’s bedroom.
My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, “This is a bit awkward.”
I grunted, “Just ignore them.”
I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning.
There was a lot of crying and "nobody wants me on their team" and "I haven't got any friends".
Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some good tips for being more sociable.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
Blind bloke walks into a shop and starts swinging his guide dog around above his head.
"You all right mate?" Asks the shopkeeper.
"Aye," he replies. "Just looking."
I said to my Dad the other day: “My LSD is missing.”
“We have much bigger problems son. There are dragons in the kitchen.” He told me.
How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
Zero. It should be open when she brings it.
Does my Thai girlfriend have a penis?
Something inside me says yes.
I am trying to find a way to kill my wife without raising suspicion.
So I've bought her a car.
When I was younger I wished I had a bigger cock to impress women.
Now, I wish I had a bigger cock so I can see it from under my belly.
The first time I had sex, it was in my parent’s bedroom.
My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, “This is a bit awkward.”
I grunted, “Just ignore them.”
I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning.
There was a lot of crying and "nobody wants me on their team" and "I haven't got any friends".
Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some good tips for being more sociable.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
Blind bloke walks into a shop and starts swinging his guide dog around above his head.
"You all right mate?" Asks the shopkeeper.
"Aye," he replies. "Just looking."
