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Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
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Well I find this hilarious.....
Mr Trump also called for more civility in public life, saying: "Those engaged in the political arena must stop treating political opponents as being morally defective."
Mr Trump also called for more civility in public life, saying: "Those engaged in the political arena must stop treating political opponents as being morally defective."
Sick more like!
Quiney
Registered User
While riding my scooter on the way back from the garage,in Solihull I swerved to avoid hitting a dog, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my scooter , I guess."
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my scooter , I guess."
T.C
Registered User
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!".
"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!".
"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?
T.C
Registered User
A burglar breaks into a house one night, and after spending several minutes looking around by torch light he hears a voice in the darkness...
"jesus is watching you!"
he has a look around, and after not finding anyone he continues to rifle through the drawers searching for anything valuable.
a few minutes later, the same voice once again cuts through the darkness..
"Jesus is watching you!"
again, the thief shines his torch around the room but finds no-one.
he resumes his searching of the house when for a 3rd the voice cries out..
"jesus is watching you!"
being rather annoyed at not finding the owner of the voice he flicks the light switch on the wall, to find a parrot sat on the top of the TV.
"are you jesus?" enquires the burglar...
"no, im Moses" replies the parrot
"what kind of person names a parrot Moses!" exclaims the burglar
to which the parrot replies "the same people that call a rottweiler Jesus!"
"jesus is watching you!"
he has a look around, and after not finding anyone he continues to rifle through the drawers searching for anything valuable.
a few minutes later, the same voice once again cuts through the darkness..
"Jesus is watching you!"
again, the thief shines his torch around the room but finds no-one.
he resumes his searching of the house when for a 3rd the voice cries out..
"jesus is watching you!"
being rather annoyed at not finding the owner of the voice he flicks the light switch on the wall, to find a parrot sat on the top of the TV.
"are you jesus?" enquires the burglar...
"no, im Moses" replies the parrot
"what kind of person names a parrot Moses!" exclaims the burglar
to which the parrot replies "the same people that call a rottweiler Jesus!"
T.C
Registered User
The hospital received a call from a sweet old grandmother.
She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back normal, and her physician, Dr. Cores has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in room 302 and no one tells me shit!"
She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back normal, and her physician, Dr. Cores has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in room 302 and no one tells me shit!"
Anybody want to buy any Harry potter Dvd’s? Only two quidditch
