• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
After years of marriage, I've finally learned the ultimate secret to keep a woman satisfied in bed...

Let her keep sleeping.
 

andyBeaker

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
Top 10 from The Fringe.....my favourite is the exorcism....

And the winner is....


: "Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."
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Best of the rest
The other jokes making the top ten were:

  • "I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse
  • "I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel
  • "In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt
  • "What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan
  • "I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh
  • "Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse
  • "I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff
  • "Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
  • "I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx
 

Quiney

Registered User
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing out usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly 'You've got to make love to me this very moment'
My eyes lit up and I thought 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!'
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said 'Thanks' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken'
 
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