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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
Who said that health care in Britain is not up to par?
An Asian immigrant in Birmingham goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."
The doctor examines him and then says: "You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in some dead fish and some rotten cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for three days."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 2 weeks later and says "I feel wonderful!
What was wrong with me ?"
The doctor replied, "You were homesick . . ."
An Asian immigrant in Birmingham goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."
The doctor examines him and then says: "You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in some dead fish and some rotten cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for three days."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 2 weeks later and says "I feel wonderful!
What was wrong with me ?"
The doctor replied, "You were homesick . . ."
Hugh Hefner and Dennis Weaver were both at a party at the fashionable beach front Malibu home of Mick Jagger.
Hugh told Dennis Weaver he did not like Weaver's McCloud TV series.
Weaver snapped back telling Hugh he doesn't like Playboy.
A fight broke out. Hefner and Weaver wrestled each other to the ground. With Weaver down, Hugh was on top ready to punch him.
Mick Jagger came running up and yelled out, ''Hey, Hugh, get off of McCloud.''
Hugh told Dennis Weaver he did not like Weaver's McCloud TV series.
Weaver snapped back telling Hugh he doesn't like Playboy.
A fight broke out. Hefner and Weaver wrestled each other to the ground. With Weaver down, Hugh was on top ready to punch him.
Mick Jagger came running up and yelled out, ''Hey, Hugh, get off of McCloud.''
R
ricko
Guest
Two students' cars were in collision this morning on Brownlow Hill, Liverpool
None of the 43 passengers were injured
None of the 43 passengers were injured
Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary." Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money. "We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest beer in England". "That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please." O'Leary scowled, but paid up.
He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1." O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.
"I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage. "I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!" "Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second". "I will never use this bar again".
"OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."
The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary." Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money. "We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest beer in England". "That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please." O'Leary scowled, but paid up.
He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1." O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.
"I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage. "I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!" "Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second". "I will never use this bar again".
"OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."
Quiney
Registered User
Two bears were sitting at the side of the river near Ottawa.
The smaller bear turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age; we were the same size as cubs. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Bear, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Bear.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings.'
'And how do you do it?'
'Well, I hide under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Bear, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.'
The smaller bear turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age; we were the same size as cubs. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Bear, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Bear.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings.'
'And how do you do it?'
'Well, I hide under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Bear, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.'
Aviation theme today.
No particular reason.