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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
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Gladiator. My name is Maximus Decimus Merdius, Commander of all Armies to the North, General of the Felix Legions, Loyal Servant to the true Emperor Marcus Caesar Augustus, Father to a beloved murdered son and Husband to a foully murdered wife...
Tattooist "Right ..... Well Max it is then." ..
Tattooist "Right ..... Well Max it is then." ..
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, youre not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. "I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb. "No, youre not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan "I have had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you havent" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming. "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty. "I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees." In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton"..
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there." Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed and says: "Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you." Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike... Mike..." "Who is it?" Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Mike. It's me, Joe..." "You're not Joe. Joe just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe." insists the voice. "Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "'Tell me the good news first," says Mike. "The good news," Joe says, "is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired." "'That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news? " "You're in the team for Saturday."
