• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.50 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
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My mate picked up a girl in the local hotel. After an evening of drinking, they ended up going to her room and of course, one thing led to another. Next morning they awoke in the bed and he said to her “if I had known you were a virgin, I wouldn’t have done that”.
She said “if I had known you were going to do that I would have taken my tights off !”
 

andyBeaker

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
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My doctor asked me if I had a history of heart disease.

I said "in the 1950s, American scientist Ancel Keys (1904–2004) discovered in his travels that heart disease was rare in some Mediterranean populations where people consumed a lower-fat diet."
 

Malone

Been there, and had one
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Listen to Richard Harris getting his own back on an Englishman who hated the Irish

 

derek kelly

The Deli lama
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I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about £200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it.
 

Squag1

Can't remember....
Club Sponsor
Reminds me of people saying to let a dog lick a wound. Definitely not.
Which leads me to a guy I met on the bus from Dublin long time ago. He was at specialist for serious blood infection.

He got a cut on his hand and put boot polish on it. Somebody said.........

The bus stopped for teabreak and we were sitting talking. As he was talking he suddenly put both hands on his head and straightened the wig. :eek: Same as if he was straightening a cap.

I really had to concentrate very hard not to fall off the chair laughing.
 
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