• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.50 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread


Been there, and had one
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I was standing next to this bloke who said to me "Did you know that I'm the fastest crossdresser in the world?"
"No, is that true?" I asked
"Yes" she replied!!

I went for a job with the local blacksmith.
"Are you any good at shoeing horses?" He asked.
I replied "I don't know, but I once told a donkey to sod off"!!

Is this fly spray any good for wasps?
No, not really, it normally kills them!!

If a guy remembers the colour of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.

sex education is to be updated to cover topics like sexting, online porn, .... & everything else kids might need to become an MP.

Paddy gets arrested for beating his wife.
The judge asks "Why do you keep beating her?"
Paddy replies "I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork!"

I was so ugly as a kid, my mum used to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me !!!

I had my first Parachute Jump today and I was really terrified.
So this big guy comes over and straps himself to me and out we Jump.
And as we plummeted to the ground. He said, "So, how long have you been an Instructor"..???

My wife said to me "why don't you treat me like you used to when we first met"
so I took her to a restaurant and then to the cinema then I dropped her off at her parents.

My wife was allowed to visit me one last time before I started my prison sentence.
"I've baked you a cake," she said, "And I've hidden something inside it that might help you in there."
"What is it ?" I asked nervously, "A tiny rock hammer ?"
"No silly, a tub of Vaseline!"


Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
This is funny simply because it was on BBC News at lunchtime.

They must have a trainee who prepares their maps but failed their geography O level :rolleyes: