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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
T.C
Registered User
Two pensioners are having oral sex with each other.
The man says, "I can't do this any longer. It stinks down here!"
"Sorry," the woman says. "It's my arthritis."
"Arthritis in your vagina?" he exclaims.
"No, in my shoulder. I can't wipe my arse!"
I've had enough of Christmas.
All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for.
But what happens Christmas morning?
That fat fucker with a beard gets all the credit...
Still I suppose it's my own fault for marrying her!
A Coronavirus vaccine side effect could be that you start to find Michael McIntyre funny.
It's not worth the risk...
I used to be a fortune teller, but I only ever predicted terrible winters...
Turns out the crystal ball shop sold me a snow globe!
I went to the Natural History Museum and asked how old the T-Rex skeleton was.
The curator said, "66 million and seven years."
I said, "How can you be so accurate?"
He replied, "When I started working here they told me it was 66 million and I've been here for 7 years."
I asked my solicitor, "How much do you charge?"
He said, "£100 for 3 questions."
"Isn't that a bit steep?" I said.
"Yes. What's your third question?"
I hate Christmas shopping for my wife...
Just wasted 45 minutes in a queue only to discover that Poundland don't do gift vouchers!
Tampax have announced they're replacing their traditional tampon string with tinsel...
This will be for the Christmas period only!
I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a chicken, where I met a girl dressed as an egg.
A question as old as time was answered... The chicken!
I met my wife at a singles bar.
Which was pretty strange since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids!
Having a big nose is no excuse for not wearing a mask...
I still wear underwear!
The man says, "I can't do this any longer. It stinks down here!"
"Sorry," the woman says. "It's my arthritis."
"Arthritis in your vagina?" he exclaims.
"No, in my shoulder. I can't wipe my arse!"
I've had enough of Christmas.
All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for.
But what happens Christmas morning?
That fat fucker with a beard gets all the credit...
Still I suppose it's my own fault for marrying her!
A Coronavirus vaccine side effect could be that you start to find Michael McIntyre funny.
It's not worth the risk...
I used to be a fortune teller, but I only ever predicted terrible winters...
Turns out the crystal ball shop sold me a snow globe!
I went to the Natural History Museum and asked how old the T-Rex skeleton was.
The curator said, "66 million and seven years."
I said, "How can you be so accurate?"
He replied, "When I started working here they told me it was 66 million and I've been here for 7 years."
I asked my solicitor, "How much do you charge?"
He said, "£100 for 3 questions."
"Isn't that a bit steep?" I said.
"Yes. What's your third question?"
I hate Christmas shopping for my wife...
Just wasted 45 minutes in a queue only to discover that Poundland don't do gift vouchers!
Tampax have announced they're replacing their traditional tampon string with tinsel...
This will be for the Christmas period only!
I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a chicken, where I met a girl dressed as an egg.
A question as old as time was answered... The chicken!
I met my wife at a singles bar.
Which was pretty strange since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids!
Having a big nose is no excuse for not wearing a mask...
I still wear underwear!
