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Daily Smile thread

andyBeaker

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Sat here reflecting that it's not long ago I was running round shouting "it's a boy, it's a boy"!

Unfortunately haven't been able to get back to Thailand this year.
 

Squag1

Can't remember....
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It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Is it going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.' The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' The man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.' 'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.' Incidentally this is how stock markets and currencies work
 

Squag1

Can't remember....
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A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel. At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?" The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations of socialism and created the future and prosperity of the Russian people. I am taking it with me as a memory of our hero days." The Russian customs officer was a bit shamed and let him go without further inspection. At Tel Aviv airport, the customs officer also asks our friend, "What is this?" He replies, "What is this? Wrong question Sir. You should be asking 'Who is this?' This is Lenin, a bastard that made me, as a Jew leave Russia. I take this statue with me so I can curse him every day." The Israeli customs officer said, "I apologize Sir, you can go on." In Israel, when he arrives at his new house, he puts the statue on a table. To celebrate his immigration, he invite his friends and relatives to dinner. One of his friends asks him, "Who is this?" He replies, "My dear friend, 'Who is this' is a wrong question. You should have asked, What is this? This is ten kilograms of solid gold that I managed to bring with me without customs and tax." MORAL :- Politics is when you perform the same mess in different ways depending on the audience. The end result will be good in every way...
 

Squag1

Can't remember....
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Re quiz.

I had a Dinky Studebaker as a kid.

Zip/buttons.
Mother in shop to young kid.
No you can't have a trousers with a zip.
You have a cardigan with a zip and you're always catching your tie in it.

20201023_111850.jpg
I think the Dinky was the same colour
 

ogr1

I can still see ya.....
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Re quiz.

I had a Dinky Studebaker as a kid.

Zip/buttons.
Mother in shop to young kid.
No you can't have a trousers with a zip.
You have a cardigan with a zip and you're always catching your tie in it.

View attachment 50480
I think the Dinky was the same colour

When you say 'Dinky' are you referring to the toy car? or the other 'Dinky' you caught in yer zip? Was it the same colour before it's release?:risas3:
 

Squag1

Can't remember....
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When you say 'Dinky' are you referring to the toy car? or the other 'Dinky' you caught in yer zip? Was it the same colour before it's release?:risas3:
Oh trust you.
But it's not dinky........not boasting......
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"
She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked. "Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
 

Squag1

Can't remember....
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I’m not normally one for the conspiracy theories, but there's a documentary on BBC2 about the covid. 2 guys from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on Flight MH370 that miraculously disappeared. Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain, and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though. It’s really interesting. Have a look for it on iplayer, it's called two wongs don't make a flight.
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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andyBeaker

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I’m not normally one for the conspiracy theories, but there's a documentary on BBC2 about the covid. 2 guys from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on Flight MH370 that miraculously disappeared. Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain, and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though. It’s really interesting. Have a look for it on iplayer, it's called two wongs don't make a flight.
Presumably gleaned from Doris from Facebook ......

:rolleyes:
 
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